Wake Me Up Inside - 6. Chapter 6

Jane

We kissed like our lives depended on it, with urgency and need. My lips clung to hers like a life raft. It rejuvenated me, gave me sustenance. When she pulled away, I actually mewled.

“Let’s talk.” She smiled sweetly. I couldn’t help but grin. So we talked even though I wanted so much more, getting to know her was fascinating. “I wanted to do something real, something with my hands. I wanted to help people. Make a difference. I just wasn’t prepared for the violence. Nothing can prepare anyone for that.” She trailed off as I nodded, I was in awe. “Why psychology?”

“I don’t really know.” I sighed. “At some point I’d like to think I wanted to help people…I think I just find it interesting and I was good at it. I didn’t think about being a therapist/doctor or anything.” She rubbed my arm then kissed me softly.

“What would you like to do? What are you passionate about?”

“I have no passions.” I said solemnly. I laughed half heartedly she didn’t.

“You will when you get better.” How was she so sure I’d get better? What if I never get better? She stroked my cheek, cupping my chin. “Hey,” she studied me. “kiss me.” Her gentle tone pulled me out of my self-deprecating mood. I kissed her bending to her will. It was impossible not to.

Jane

I woke up filled with contentment. Her soft form pressing into me as we spooned was a reminder that this was my reality. Even though it felt like a dream. How in the hell did we sleep like this all night? Normally, I wasn’t one for cuddling, preferring to do the deed then leave as soon as possible. Last night we didn’t even have sex and I felt beyond fulfilled. We spent the whole night talking about everything and nothing. I admitted how afraid I was of not finding what my parents had. She shared that she always knew in her heart that her and Rachel had an expiry date. She told me funny stories about Eddie but she didn’t talk much about her parents. That was okay, there would be more nights like this. I hoped. My smile was insane but I couldn’t stop. It was unshakable, I was happy. I jumped when her alarm went off. Not wanting to wake her I reached over her to turn it off, knocking it over in the process. I slowly disentangled myself from her. I momentarily paused and looked down at her. God she’s beautiful, my heart flipped. Even her bed head was sexy.

“Hey you, stop staring at me.” Her voice was soft and gravelly. She groaned sitting up slowly. I smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Morning.”

“Good morning to you too.” She sounded grumpy.

“Not much of a morning person are you?” She stuck out her tongue. I chuckled softly I was very much a morning person.

“I haven’t had my coffee yet. Did something fall?” Right I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and went to get her phone. The screen lit up with a message. I shouldn’t have read it. It was an invasion of privacy, but the message was clear and brightly lit, flashing on her phone that had fallen face up. Four simple words ‘You can do better.’ Rachel. My stomach dropped. “Hey is everything ok?” She rubbed my shoulders. I handed her the phone and looked around for my jeans.

“Yea everything’s cool.” My voice was dull. The shimmer of the morning was now worn away with four words from her ex. I scooped up my discarded clothing and rushed to the ensuite bathroom. I quickly got dressed, fluffing and smoothing out my curls using a bit of water. I still looked crazy. When I got out of the bathroom she was waiting for me.

“You saw the text.” She simply stated. I nodded. She reached for me, I took a step back.

“I should go.”

“Jane...it’s not true.”

“I’m gonna head out.” I sidestepped her in earnest. She followed me out to the living room. I was hurt okay, even though Quin had nothing to do with the text. It brought all my insecurities to the surface. I already knew I wasn’t good enough for her, it sucked that it was visible to others. I needed to get out of here.

“Jane, please stay.” I was at the stairs. I stopped turned and faced her. Taking hold of her face in my hands I kissed her slowly. Her tongue melded with mine and I felt a sliver of want that could easily morph into more.

“I can’t my parents…” I said as my forehead rested on hers. She nodded biting her lip, she looked worried.

“Call me.” She breathed. I nodded.

Quin

Eddie has always been good with his hands. Playing instruments, building things even sports. I used to be jealous. When I was younger I felt like he was the better twin. It didn’t help that my parents had a clear preference. It took me a long time to realize I had my own strengths and our lives wasn’t a competitive event. I never told Eddie about my insecurities I just sensed that he knew. He never failed to reassure me. He was the only constant in my life. That and our breakfasts. He always cooked and Sarah always cleaned. I tried to help out but they wouldn’t have it, it was a dance we played.

After Jane left I felt rejected and a little hollow. I needed my twin. I wanted to make things right but I didn’t know how.

“She spent the night and you didn’t sleep with her?” I nodded.

“TMI.” Eddie was chopping onions.

“Oh grow up!” Sarah scolded. “So what did you do?”

“We were gonna watch tv-”

“In your room? With your bed?”

“If it looks like a duck…”

I was in Eddie and Sarah’s kitchen. Eddie was making frittatas and Sarah was sitting across from me at the counter.

“Focus on those onions Eddie. We just cuddled. I’m not going to sleep with her again until she’s stable. Besides, she doesn’t want a relationship anyways and it’s way too soon for me.” Eddie looked over his shoulder and shared a look with Sarah. “What?” Sarah hesitated.

“Cuddling in bed all night and not having sex is very intimate.”

“Stop psychoanalysing everything.”

“I’m not, that’s just common sense.” Sarah shrugged.

“Anyways she probably won’t want anything to do with me because after seeing the message Rachel texted me this morning.” Then I explained what happened.

“I’ve always hated Rachel.” Eddie stated.

“We know.” Sarah and I said in unison.

“It’s not like she knew Jane would see the text.” Sarah was always the voice of reason.

“It’s still a dick thing to say, she barely met Jane and she’s already judging her. She doesn’t even know her. Quin is her ex and they haven’t spoken in six months. it’s none of her business. Even if You guys were friendly.” Eddie and Rachel had never gotten along. He never outright said he disliked her until after we broke up. But it was pretty obvious, with Rachel he seemed to only tolerate her. He was civil but there was a certain restraint that was always present. Rachel didn’t seem to notice or at least she didn’t let on. I sighed.

“How can I fix this.”

“Give her space she’s embarrassed.”

“But let her know you’re still around.”

“How?” I was desperate. Eddie momentarily stopped chopping the bell peppers and turned around.

“Just casually text her. Ask her how her day is going.” Sarah nodded.

“Play it cool.”

“Guys I haven’t dated in ten years I don’t think I know what cool is.” They both chuckled.

“It’s like riding a bike.” Sarah shrugged. I groaned.

“You too have only been with each other. This is like asking a fish how to walk. I need to talk to someone with an active Tinder account.” I got up.

“Where are you going, what about your frittata?”

“I’ll eat mine later I’m going for a walk. I need to clear my head.” Eddie frowned.

“At least shower before you go see her.”

“I’m not going to see her.” We all knew I was lying.

It didn’t take long to find her place. 130 Maple Boulevard. I can still hear the dispatcher reeling off the address. I plugged it into my gps. I remembered the address but I didn’t remember how to get there. It was a long enough distance. it took about 20 minutes to get there. The drive helped to clear my head but I had no clue about what I was going to say to her. When I arrived at her address my nerves were unsteady, just a bit. I knocked on her door. There were already two cars in the driveway so I had parked next to the curb. After the first knock I didn't hear any rustling on the opposite side so I tried again. A little louder this time. It felt like eons had passed before the door slowly swung open. I was face to face with a statuesque man with skin the colour of milk chocolate. His resemblance to Jane was striking, yet it was hard to explain their similarities. Maybe it was the shape of his face, or his button nose or maybe it was his intense stormy brown eyes. Those features were just as much his as they were hers. Whatever it was he was obviously her father.

“Good morning, sir is Jane home?” I laid on my most respectful tone. A hint of suspicion flashed across his features that was quickly replaced with a friendly yet weary smile.

“And your name is…?”

“I’m Quin Johnson. I’m a friend of your daughters.” His smile widened, he relaxed and extende his hand.

“Nice to meet you Quin.” His grip was firm and his hand softer than expected. He stepped aside. “Come in.” I slipped off my shoes, he nodded in approval. He led me to the kitchen where Quin’s mother was reading the paper. She looked up just as I entered. I immediately noted her exquisite beauty.

“This is Quin, Jane’s friend.” There was a slight emphasis on friend.

“Hi Quin.” She smiled brightly. Jane’s mother looked nothing like her. Her mother’s complexion was much lighter, reminiscent of apple cider. Her eyes were almond shaped and a light hazel colour. Her hair was long, thick and straight. The only feature that could be traced to Jane was her lips. The contrast uncanny. I realized I was staring I hurriedly said a greeting while my face coloured.

“Jane’s in the basement.” Her lips quirked in amusement. The was a slight pause. Her parents exchanged a brief look that was so slight I almost missed it.

“We can take you down there if you like or if you know the way…”

“I um know the way.” I admitted. They smiled knowingly.

Qiun

She was in the shower. I could hear the water running. The sound transported me back to the night when I pulled her limp body out of the tub. ‘Jesus get it together.’ I mumbled to myself as I sat down on the coach in the living room area. I took a deep breath. Her mother took that moment to make an appearance. I was so lost in thought I didn’t hear her pad down the stairs.

“Are you okay Quin?” I looked up. My head was in my hands. I quickly straightened as I tried to quell my rapidly beating heart.

“Yea I’m just…” She waited for me to finish when she realized I wasn’t going to say more she spoke.

“How do you know Jane?” Her expression was open and nonjudgmental, it seemed. I still had enough bad experiences with parents that it caused me to hesitate.

“We um met at a bar a few weeks ago.” I flushed hoping I hadn't said more than I should. She nodded slowly.

“Is it ok if I wait upstairs.” My heart still raced and my palms were beginning to sweat. It was too much being down here while having this conversation. It felt like I was being pulled apart. I couldn’t focus with the sound of the water. I knew I was looking like a nutcase. I’ve seen things, gruesome things. I’ve seen devastation. It was my job to be there first. However, that knowledge didn’t stop the pounding in my chest and my palms from sweating. Coming here was a mistake. The water turned off. I turned towards the source of the sudden silence. Jane came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her. I felt a jolt deep inside me, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I visually traced the droplets of water running down the swell of her chest before hitting the towel. Fuck.

“I heard some noises and I…” Our eyes locked and everything stopped. Her lip twitched imperceptibly. I opened my mouth to speak.

“I’ll go get dressed.” She turned and left the room.

“Quin are you alright?” Shit her mother was still here. When I turned back to her she was watching me intently.

“Yes sorry I just...remembered something.” I mumbled.

“You’ve been here before.” She coaxed. Her voice was gentle. I nodded.

“The night she...” Grief spilled across her features. It extended throughout the room my heart ached. “I’m a paramedic.” I simply explained. Her eyes watered. I felt awful but it felt better to get out.

“When did you meet?” She cleared her throat.

“The night before she tried to hurt herself.”

“Okay.” She looked behind me. Nodding with finality. “I’ll be upstairs.” With that she gracefully made her exit.

Jane

I was angry. Angry that she had come into my house and shared apart of me that I didn’t necessarily want to share. What happened that night was on a need to know basis and my parents definitely did not need to know. Logically I knew what she experienced that night had an affect on her because of how we met. Logic didn’t matter. I pulled her in my room as soon as mom went upstairs. She looked around at everything but me.

“What are you doing here?” I hissed.

“I didn’t like how we left things this morning.” She shrugged. Her eyes were so clear and beautiful like sea glass. Focus.

“So you come to my house and talk shit to my mom?” I honed in on my anger.

“It wasn’t shit. I told her the facts. She caught me at a bad time. I was freaking out. I kept thinking about that night and pulling you out of the tub.” She shivered. “I was there first. 30 seconds by myself, I was terrified that you wouldn’t- that you wouldn't be here..”

“Why did you have to say anything?” I narrowed my eyes.

“I only told her the bare minimum.”

“I thought you were a professional, what happened to confidentiality?” I regretted it as soon as I said. She blinked in shock but recovered quickly.

“I only told her what was necessary. She doesn’t know about the pills you took and how many. How you tried to drown yourself and how you tried to spare them from all of it by calling 911 when thought it was too late. “ I flinched. Her voice was clipped, her eyes had hardened. She let out a breath.

“Should I thank you for all this? For saving my life?” The volume was low but I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my voice.

“Look around you have people that love you.” It was hard to ignore her exasperation.

“Look around,” I mirrored her words. “I have no friends, no job, no degree, nothing.” She frowned.

“Your parents love you and I’m your friend.” Her fierce expression gave me chills.

“you’ll get better and you’ll have all those things.”

“Being loved by your parents is not an achievement.” I was running out of steam.

“Try being hated.” Her eyes darkened. She looked away. I softened completely. I triedto touch her then.

“I know how I look, I live in a basement and I have nothing to offer. You’re such a catch. You don’t need me around cramping your style.” I frowned looking at the ground. It was true what did she even see in me.

“Being around you is all I need. ”My breath caught in my throat. “Please don’t let Rachel ruin this.”

“Our friendship?” I smirked. She nodded blushing slightly. I was coming down. My anger ebbed away leaving awkwardness in its place. I erupted because I freaked at seeing her with my mom. My love life, or lack thereof, and family life had always been separate. I didn’t like the two worlds colliding, it meant we were more than what I was ready for. Hearing her talk to my mom about me scared me and conjured up difficult emotions I had trouble deciphering. She approached me slowly.

“I’m sorry I showed up unannounced… I just had a panic attack, in front of your mom who I just met. I like to think I’m professional. My work is hard but you get use to it. With you, since I met you, it’s like you're under my skin. I want to keep my distance but-“ I closed the gap, shuddering into the kiss. God she felt good. My mind grew foggy as my world spun and I plummeted. She moaned pulling me under. I gripped her waist yanking her into me. A faint vibration moved through me as our bodies connected. Still I yearned for more. Her hands toyed with the hem of my shirt. Her fingers grazed my stomach causing my muscles to flex.

“I want you so bad.” She murmured against my ear. I shivered. She removed my shirt and tossed it somewhere. “We shouldn’t do this.” She feasted on my lips, then neck then collarbone. I sucked in breath as she assaulted my skin with her mouth, tongue and teeth. The wetness between my thighs grew.

“We really shouldn’t.” I moaned. We stopped long enough to completely disrobe then our bodies locked together like magnets. I was coming unglued. The feel of the length of her bare skin on mine was whipping me into a frenzy. We fell on the bed, her on top.

“This is a mistake.” She breathed unto my nipple. My back arched in anticipation. I was happy to absorb the pleasure she exacted I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. She licked and I hummed. My lust unfurled like a blossoming rose.

“Definitely.” I gasped. I gripped the sheets as she licked and sucked my chest. I couldn’t take much more of this. It was as if she read my mind. She kissed a path down the length of my body. Stopping to suck and lick where she saw fit. The grasp I had on my sanity was slipping. It was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. She found my clit and lightly stroked it with her tongue. I melted into a puddle of pure euphoria. She deliberately dragged her tongue against the length of my slit. She swirled her tongue around my clit before reversing the movement then dipping her tongue into my opening. It was intoxicating. My body spasmed as I dissolved into a series of groans. Our eyes connected and I cursed. I could have come then, her look was wickedly provocative. I purred as she continued her assault and slowly inserted a finger inside me. Fuck it had been so long since anyone...My thoughts dissolved as she continued to suck my clit while rhythmically pumping in and out of me. I was devoured by a deliciously dreamy haze that had me floating. I was gone. With my toes clenched and my eyes shut I rode the waves of tingling and buzzing until it increased to a fever pitch. When she inserted two more fingers my ability to reason shattered and pure unadulterated bliss trickled through me filling in all my cracks making me whole.