Wake Me Up Inside - 7. Chapter 7

Jane

I was so busy basking in the afterglow I had completely forgotten about getting her off. I turned my head, she was already looking at me. Her fond expression and wet puffy lips made my head spin. I kissed her groaning when I tasted myself. I scooted closer to her and intertwined our legs.

“How are you? Do you want me to…?” Her laugh was low and sultry.

“Embarrassingly enough, touching you did the job.” I never thought I could float any higher. My face burned. It was incredibly hot knowing that I did that to her, the same thing she did to me. “Are you blushing?” She smirked.

“I don’t blush.” She rolled her eyes.

“Right.” My face grew hotter. She tilted my chin up and captured my mouth in hers.

“I usually don’t let others...I’m usually the top.” I said quietly.

“I hope I didn’t cross any boundaries.” Her expression serious.

“Everything was perfect...you make me forget that I have boundaries.” She fixed me with a long unreadable look.

“I know the feeling.” The look we shared was intense. I felt like a crystal, sheer and delicate. I held my breath as her gaze penetrated the depths of my soul. I never felt more vulnerable. She tenderly stroked my cheek. I shivered shamelessly. My heart swelled.

“Your gonna break my heart.” Her smile was bitter sweet. My head reeled, before I could address her comment, she kissed me then sat up. “So wanna show me around the neighbourhood maybe grab a bite to eat?”

“Sure.” I tried not to focus on what just happened I was unsettled. Did she mean what

I thought she meant. We got dressed in comfortable silence.

Quin

We snuck out the side door basement entrance. Her dad was tinkering in the shed we didn’t see him first until he called to us. I immediately blushed when I heard his voice. We turned around slowly and Jane answered his call.

“So you guys are heading out?” He scanned our faces.

“Yea were going for a walk maybe get something to eat.” He nodded then pinned his eyes on me.

“Quin can I talk to you for a second?” I nodded numbly. There was something about him that reduced me to a insecure teenager. Jane studied me, squeezed my shoulder then gave me a reassuring smile. She moved to the driveway up front and I was left alone with her father.

“Quin, I just want to say thank you. What you did for our girl…you saved her.” I blinked taken aback.

“Just doing my job.” And I was, the sad truth was it was ingrained in me to fight, to do

whatever I could in the few moments between first contact and transport. It had nothing to do with who she was or what the night before meant to me. If I hadn’t been able to retreat into myself and let my instincts and training take over there would’ve been a different outcome.

“It’s not very often you get the chance to thank a first responder for the services they provide. Whether or not you were just doing your job, your profession is valued. Thank you for saving our baby.” My chest tightened. I took a deep breath.

“Your welcome...I wish I could’ve done more.”

“You did all you could. She doesn’t have many friends...It’s nice to see her with someone.” He smiled wryly. I was mortified. His smile widened. “She’s waiting, go.”

Quin

“Your dad’s nice. Intense but nice. I like him” We had just started our walk. Her neighbourhood was very quaint. Large trees, people jogging, kids playing, it was quaint. Quaint and hilly, great for running I noted. Neither of us said anything for a moment.

“How will I break your heart?” Oh right that. Of course it came back to bite me.

“It was just something I said in the moment.” I felt the tell tale tingles of a full body flush.

“Yeah?” She didn’t seem convinced. I looked straight ahead, an awkward silence descended upon us. The silence cut me open. Rubbing me raw.

“I like you.” Spilled out of me. Fuck. She stopped moving beside me.

“Quin, I like you too but I don’t do relationships…It’s better that way.” I swallowed and plastered on a smile. I ran my hands through my hair. Not knowing what to say. I took a deep breath and tried to still my churning stomach. “It’ll only fuck things up.” She finished softly. I nodded.

“You just got out of the hospital. It was selfish. Let’s just be friends.” I felt cold saying it. It was the opposite of what I wanted but it was all we could be. Should be. She scrutinized my face, I looked away but I could still feel her watching me.

“We should ah.” My voice cracked. I needed to keep it together. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. “we should get back. I don’t mean to run but I gotta get ready for work.” Technically it wasn’t a lie. I was on the schedule to work today, from 5pm to 7am but that was before my vacation. I needed to forget, I couldn’t sit around the house heartbroken. I was going to call my boss maybe they were short.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered softly.

“Please don’t apologize.” We walked back in thick silence. Every step heavy with disappointment. As we moved, I stared straight ahead at the sidewalk, praying it would open up and swallow me whole. The feeling only intensified the closer we got to her house. Once there we stood next to my car and faced each other. “I guess I can’t stop you from picking up random chicks in bars.” My smile was weak. “But um if you do want to talk or just hangout, call me.” She released an audible breath.

“Quin…” Her eyes searching mine, she moved closer until there was barely an inch between us. “Your hair is a mess.” I laughed releasing some tension.

“So is yours. I tucked a curly tendril behind her ear. The gap between us disappeared as her lips met mine. One of us groaned I wasn’t sure, it didn’t matter. I was aware of her soft lips, of her tongue slipping into my mouth, of the insatiable heat between our bodies and her hand clutching my shirt pulling me in and nothing else. Nothing else mattered. I tremored. Losing myself completely. I can see why she liked this it was so easy to get lost. But I’ve only ever felt this way with her. The revelation shocked me. I gently pulled back. Breathing heavily, I kept my gaze off her. I already knew how swollen her lips would be and I would only want to kiss her all over again. My jaw clenched.

“Quin.” I looked at her then. it was my undoing. I cupped the back of her neck, her body slotted into place and I feasted on her lips. A low hungry moan escaped from the depths of my desire. She kissed me back with just as much ferocity. She tasted so good. Just when I felt my lower body liquify, she pulled away. Her eyes were molten, dark with desire and those lips…fuck...I groaned internally.

“I better go.” Her hand moved to my face. I took a step back. I felt a piece of my heart chip away.

“Okay.” She nodded her expression stormy and unreadable. She moved onto the driveway away from the curb. I didn’t look back as I sped away.

Jane

I did the right thing. I thought for the millionth time over the past 12 hours. It was morning now, and although I didn’t have work or school, I still had to get up. I had an appointment with the psychiatrist my dad knows. I checked the clock, I had to be ready in half an hour. I showered, brushed my teeth and got myself together. By the time I got ready my mom was waiting for me at the kitchen table. My dad had left for work an hour before. He’s an accountant. My mom retired two years prior. She was also an accountant. I walked over to the fridge for a quick glass of orange juice.

“Cup.”

“Always do.” I had a bad habit of drinking out of the cartoon. As I grabbed a cup from the cupboard I could feel her eyeing me.

“Rough night?” I didn’t take it personally. It didn’t matter, regardless of how hard I tried I couldn’t conceal my dark circles. I just made it apart of my aesthetic. This morning I didn’t try at all. Truth be told I was dead on my feet. I had spent the night tossing and turning and thinking about Quin. I shrugged. “Yea ready? We should go.” I put my cup in the sink and followed her out.

Jane

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I was playing with my phone. We were on our way to my appointment. The appointment was across town, close to Quin’s place. I sighed.

“Nothing's wrong ma.” A few long minutes went by.

“Did something happen with your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” I stayed glued to my phone.

“Your friend then.” I said nothing. “Honey I saw you kiss her through the kitchen window… Friends don’t kiss like that.” I drew in a sharp breath as my face grew hot. My mom had a knack for making me squirm.

“We’re just friends...now…I’m not in a place to date.”

“There’s never a right time for anything honey.” She sighed wistfully. After about 20

minutes we arrived at a house about the size of our own turned medical building. Based on the sign there were a few practicing psychologists in the building. As she parked in the back. I went inside. It was a bit sketchy to be honest. On the ground floor there was a staircase, and on the wall there was a sign indicating where the offices were. Mom caught up with me then and together we trudged up the narrow staircase. Once upstairs we easily entered the room labelled waiting room. We were the only ones waiting. I sat silently, engrossed in my phone.

“Quin seems nice.” Her tone was neutral but I felt the weight beneath it.

“Yep she is.” I mumbled.

“Honey, I know we never talked about your sexuality. Your father and I have known for some time but we were waiting for you to tell us...anyways we support and love you unconditionally. You can always come to us.” If I could crawl into a hole and disappear I would but I was grateful. Grateful for their support. To be honest I never came out because I was always single and I didn’t see the point in outing myself without having anything to show for it. I never really cared much about coming out. That’s most likely because I knew I had nothing to worry about. I was lucky. I opened my mouth to speak when the door opened and a face peered around it. He was a balding man with round tortoise shell glasses. I instantly thought of Danny Devito.

“Jane?” He smiled. Looking right at me. I nodded as I stood up. “I’m doctor Schaffer.

Please follow me.”

Quin

“You ok?” Josh asked. Slapping me on the back. I was strapping in the 80 year old female to the stretcher. Once secured, we loaded her into the back. She was unconscious but breathing and her vitals were strong. We used the siren anyways.

“Yea I’m fine.” I finally answered over the siren. If he wasn’t steering the ambulance we were in he would be giving me one of his long contemplative looks.

“Didn’t expect you to be back for another week.”

“Guess not.”

“How’s your girl?”

“She’s not my girl.” He sighed.

“Is she alright?” He pushed on.

“As alright as she could be.” I shrugged.

“What does that mean?” His voice was gentle. My heart tightened. I didn’t want to talk about it. It hurt. But this is Josh, and he’s just trying to be a good friend.

“It means she’d rather have mindless sex with strangers than be with me.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice. We both said nothing for a few minutes.

“She diagnosed with anything?”

“Bipolar.”

“Ahhhh.” He said softly. “That’s a shitty place to be in.”

“She likes me...I think…But relationships are hard. I don’t even think I’m ready yet…it’s way too soon to ask her for something I can’t give myself.”

“That’s not true you are so ready, even though your completely emo tonight-“ I frowned as he nudged me. “You’re into Jane. You care and I know you're definitely ready to help Jane in all capacities.” I didn’t respond. Choosing instead to stare moodily out the window. He was right I wanted to be with Jane, I was ready but would she ever be.

Quin

The ride back to the hospital was uneventful. Like Josh, Lara gave me shit about coming back early but as it worked out, they were short. I jumped out before josh came to a full stop. Kind of unnecessary this patient wasn’t a rush. We brought her in and waited in the cue for the nurses to admit the our octogenarian. Josh chatted amicable with a few of the other paramedics. I stayed quiet. My eyes wondered to a familiar figure. There was no doubt in my mind that Jess was gorgeous. She turned around suddenly, smirking once she realized she had caught me staring. I walked over to her smiling sheepishly. “Enjoying the view.”

“Always.” I winced immediately feeling guilty. I cleared my throat. “Thanks for helping me with Jane the other day.

“No worries. Josh said you were off for a couple weeks.” It wasn’t lost on me that she had asked about me.

“Yes. So I’m sorry about not texting and freaking out.”

“I’m not mad that you freaked out I’m mad that you ignored me for like six months. I had to hear from Sheryl I was your rebound.”

“Jess I’m sorry I was really embarrassed. That’s not an excuse I know.” She smiled.

“It’s okay. Thanks for apologizing you’ve graduated from fuck boy to human being.” I laughed just as Josh called me over.

“So we’re good?”.

“Yes we’re good.” She nodded.

Jane

It was Saturday night and I was out after a long week at work I was relieved to be letting off some steam. Even though I would rather be hanging out with Jane. That wasn’t a possibility anymore. I haven’t spoken to her in about a week since the big rejection. I didn’t expect to hear from her again really. I felt a deep sadness. Heavy and hearty like a rock.

“You okay?” Cindy asked as she swayed her hips to the beat. I nodded forcing a

half hearted grin. She rolled her eyes. “What’s up Quin?

“Nothing.”

“Remember when we were friends and we told each other everything…” My heart sank. Yea I remember how could I forget the worst night of my life. The night I lost all my friends. Some that I had known for ten years. I was alone and I was terrified.

“Cindy,” My voice had taken on an edge. “Remember when covering up for a double crossing ex was just something we didn’t do.” Cindy was closest with Jen and I.

“We all weren’t keeping it a secret from you. Rachel told us about the affair when you found out, actually Jen sent out a text. And then we all tried to get you out a week later, we didn’t know they’d be tongue fucking in the corner.” We had stopped moving. I unconsciously followed Cindy to a quiet, uncrowded spot against the wall.

“So you guys all didn’t know and you weren’t just keeping it from me.”

“No.” She sighed “I think you need to talk to Jen and Rachel.”

“I think I’ll pass. Since Rachel moved out she hasn’t even tried.” I admitted for the first time. Even Sarah didn’t know that, I refused to talk about the break up anyways. Cindy blinked in shock but didn’t say anything immediately.

“Fuck.” She let out a breath. “We missed you so much. We didn’t understand that younever got closure. Let alone an explanation.”

“It doesn’t matter I don’t need those those things at least not anymore.”

“Because you’ve moved on.” She smiled softly.

“If you can call it that.” My mind flashed to Jane.

“If she’s who you want to be dancing with tonight why don’t you call her?”

“I’m not so sure she’d want to be dancing with me. Anyways come on less talking more dancing.” She giggled as I pulled her back onto the floor.