Jimbo - 11. Jimbo and the Doctor Visit

Friday was filled with medical appointments. I was not a happy person by early afternoon. I had a complete physical, they had drawn at least of gallon of blood from my left arm (I exaggerate but it felt like they took that much), they had run brain scans twice when the first set of results weren’t registering properly, they had prodded and poked me until I wanted to hit them. I had not been allowed to have fluid or food after midnight so at lunchtime I overate in the cafeteria. Now, I just wanted to throw up as my stomach was queasy in my meeting with Dr. Yael. She was my clinical psychologist.

“It appears that the amount of symbolism in your life is extraordinarily high.”

I looked at Dr. Yael with a blank stare. She insisted I use that name because she laughingly said I would not be able to pronounce her last name. She was pugnacious and didn’t let me get away with shit. And this was only our first meeting.

“You are a smart man, Yonatan. Let me review a few things since this is a new way of thinking for you. It will be noteworthy as we move forward. You may see everything as happenstance but what you have described is a pattern of the life you were chosen to live.” My eyes got big as she said ‘were chosen to live’. “You were born James Robert. At some point you were nicknamed Jimbo. As you know it is a corruption of James and Robert. The name has both positive and negative connotations. Someone who supplants another is often associated with the name. That can be seen as a negative thing. The positive meaning is that you are filling a place of someone or something that is no longer viable. You form a new creation where there is a void. In Hebrew, Jimbo means someone who is fearless. One has to be fearless to live into either of those meanings. The name Mason, as you can surmise, is a crafts person who is tied to brick or block laying. A tradesman, if you will, with a very specific focus but ultimately it is about creation in a solid way that will stand for ages.”

I nodded my head in agreement. I had never thought of my name as symbolic of anything. Mason was just Mason, except when he was Chea Sequah or Matan. Oh my gosh, what were we doing with all of these identities?

“You and Matan chose Native American names for each other. It was inherent qualities or features that drove your decision making. Mason chose Degataga for you. The name means standing together. You are not destined to be alone in life. You will always excel when you have someone by your side. You chose Chea Sequah for Mason. Of course, with his red hair that makes perfect sense. He chose a name about your character and you chose a name about his appearance. That does not make you shallow but it suggests that Mason is highly evolved in being able to read a person’s character. You are more likely to accept people at face value as they present to you.”

“Now, Yonatan and Matan are both Hebrew names. Did I mention that Jimbo is Hebrew in origin? I don’t know why Mr. Cohen said that it needed to be changed. The man thinks he knows everything but sometimes there are other people with more knowledge. Not many, mind you, but generally one cannot be an expert in everything. Even Mr. Cohen. Don’t let him know I said that.” At that point she gave a mirthful laugh. I appreciated it because there had been very little laughter that day. “Yonatan means God gives. Matan means gift. The two of you combined are a gift from God. What the gift is and how it will be revealed and realized are yet to be known.”

I was stunned….and exhausted…and ready to run for the hills. Too much was being asked and too much was being made known. It was all about names but nothing about me….or so I thought.

“Let’s take a break and then I want Matan to come in as I want to discuss your dream. He was present in your dream and he was also at your bedside when the dream happened.”

I walked into the waiting room and found Mason. He looked worried as he read fatigue and despair on my face.

“Are you ok?” He reached out and hugged me. People were starting to look at us. “Kiss me.”

I couldn’t. People were now staring at us.

“Kiss me. Forget the people. Focus on me. We both need the love from each other.”

I found his lips and then drank from his bountiful fountain of love. His lips were saving me from myself. We both came up for air just as the receptionist said that Dr. Yael was ready for us.

We were now sitting in her office. There was comfortable furniture. Matan and I sat on the sofa. Hips adjoined. He held my hand.

“Thank you for joining us Matan. Yonatan had a dream last week that involved you. I want him to tell us the dream and then I want to hear from you what you saw and how you reacted. There may have been no outward sign or you may not have noticed anything. Take a deep breath, Yonatan. There is no right or wrong. There is only your dream as you remember it.”

I was shaking. Could I reiterate the dream again? I had already told her but I had not shared it with Mason. Deep breath, Jimbo. Do it.

“We were at the farm. Mason, me, my mother and my father. Mason and I were tied to trees. Different trees. I don’t know how it was that we were tied to trees but that is how the dream started. I was turned so that I was looking directly at Mason but I could see my father. These were big oak trees that provided shade in the yard. My father had his double barrel shotgun aimed at Mason. Mason would have seen him raise the barrel of the gun. Then my mother went up to Mason and put this knitted covering over his head and secured it at his neck. He wouldn’t be able to see me or the gun. He wouldn’t know when my father pulled the trigger. I would know. Mother also had a covering that I assumed was for me. She backed away from the tree where Mason was tied. I was yelling and crying. I was telling my father to kill me but to let Mason loose. Mason had done nothing to him. Just as I thought he was about to pull the trigger a deer ran from the corn field and bumped my father. Really hard. My father fell. The shotgun flew from his hands and I heard the report. The shot went somewhere but did not hit Mason. It looked like my father was unconscious. My mother went over and picked up the gun. She just stood there. She had a look of determination in her eyes. That is when I awoke.”

A fine sheen of sweat was on my brow. I was shaking.

“It’s ok, Yonatan. You are safe.” Matan was holding and soothing me. Dr. Yael got up to get me a glass of water. She gave us time to recover.

“Matan, do you remember anything from his dreams last week that might help us with this? Does this mean anything for you?”

Matan nodded his head. His eyes were huge.

“It was early morning. Yonatan had been sleeping fairly well that night. I was thankful because he had been restless most of the time. Anyway, I awoke when I heard him screaming and yelling at his father. He was thrashing on the bed but didn’t throw himself off like he had a few other times. His legs were moving around but his arms were stuck by his side. It was if they were paralyzed and couldn’t move. After screaming at his father, he just kept saying no, no, no. He was covered in sweat. The bed linens were saturated. I crawled on the bed and lay on top of him. I tried to kiss him but he was resisting. Finally, I said, Jimbo it is me, Mason. It is Mason. I love you. At that point I started crying. He calmed down and I hugged him. His arms went around me and he opened his eyes. I kissed him. Then he said, ‘I love you Mason. I will always love you’. His body was limp. He closed his eyes again. I looked up and Zeke, the nurse had come into the room. Also, Black, a man who was helping. Black had a tranquilizer syringe with him. I told him that he was not going to give Jimbo another shot. I got off the bed and asked Zeke to help me change the sheets. I think that was the last nightmare that Jimbo had that week. It was bad. I will never forget how bad it was. He then slept for another 24 hours before he awoke from that bad week.”

Silence hung over us.

Finally, Dr. Yael asked me to describe the hoods. I searched through my memory. It then hit me. The hoods were molded like our faces. When mother put the hood on Mason it fit his face. It did not just hang down like a sack. I could see my facial impression in the one she had knitted for me.

The doctor looked at both of us with a look of wonder on her face.

“Do either of you know what a caul is?”

Mason took a huge intake of air. He looked at her and his eyes squinted.

I allowed that cauls were of witches and evil. They had been mentioned in church as being of the devil. Dr. Yael nodded her head as understanding what I had said.

“There is another explanation of cauls. People born with a caul; a membrane over their heads were known as special. It was thought they had special powers. Cauls were dried and were kept as a special protection for people. Sometimes they were sold for a great deal of money. People born with a caul were believed to have a connection to the supranatural; that they could foretell events. Cauls were also thought to provide protection particularly from water and drowning. People had a strong belief that those born with a caul would not drown. They were a prized possession amongst sailors. You are both readers: Dicken’s mentioned them in ‘David Copperfield’.”

Mason started laughing. “Well, they did not see me at the waterfront when I nearly drowned learning to swim. Jimbo saved me.”

I stared at Mason. He was admitting he was born with a caul.

“I was born with a caul as was my father. People at synagogue always asked me about certain things and events. I never knew why. I was always treated as special; even by the rabbi. My mother said she would explain it to me when I got older.”

I sat there stunned. Were the knitted masks cauls that my mother had made? Did she know what she had done?

In a very soft voice, I said, “My mother said I nearly died when I was born because I had this thing covering my head and they had to cut it loose. She said that I would have suffocated if they had not cut it off. A nurse wanted to give it to her to save but she said it was evil and that Jesus had saved me that day. She thought that the caul was devil made and it was only because she was a Christian that I was alive. She said that Jesus entered my soul that day and that I was to always thank him for saving me.”

Matan and I had both experienced a connection in our lives that neither of us had known. We were perceived as being very different but we both had the same birth experience.

We were exhausted.

Dr. Yael moved to the couch and took our hands in hers.

“You are both brave men. Thank you for your honesty. Enough for today. Next week we will discuss the deer. You seem to be under their protection. Also, Yonatan, think about your mother in the yard. Consider the cauls she made and her picking up the shotgun. Were they cauls or death masks? One last thing, Yonatan, and this is the big one; how often did your father beat you when you were growing up? Did he mention the devil, as in beating the devil out of you, when he was punishing you? Did he always spoil every situation when joy entered your life? Did he ever celebrate the good times in your life?”

My body jerked in reaction to what she said. I gasped in surprise as the veil of suppression of the beatings was lifted. I could only remember a few times when good things happened to me that he had not been marred through his behavior. I wanted to throw up. He always ruined good situations and would take a happy event and turn it into a nightmare. I was also punished because I never measured up to his standards. I remembered him calling me a devil child.

A flood of memories came roaring back like a tidal wave breaching land. Why had I suppressed all of this stuff in my life? How could Dr. Yael let me go home when I was having this revelation? I felt like I needed to tell her everything right then. I wanted to throw up just thinking about my father. I squeezed Mason’s hand; I felt like I was holding on for dear life.

“Take care of each other this week. You are on a threshold of discovery and it will be very difficult. I think we can process this information as an outpatient or if it gets too intense we will admit you to an inpatient unit here at the hospital until you are past the crisis point. If you do have a crisis, call me immediately. Do not hesitate. Yonatan, it is important that you do not have another episode. Look at me, Yonatan, work hard not to have another episode. Learn where the triggers lie. Matan, make sure if he does have another flare-up you call me without hesitation. I don’t want to be overdramatic but it may save his life. That is a lot to ask of you, but I must. Remember that you two are joined together and that is a safety net when life is most challenging. Together you can survive because you are strong. You are also a gift from God.”

We stumbled from the medical office building. I told Matan I wanted to go back to the restaurant on Colley Avenue for dinner. We had such a fun night there with Ayal. He was initially hesitant but then agreed. It was if he had something to tell me and then decided not to. The sun was lowering in the sky and I needed to be around a lot of people before heading to the Jenner’s home. I had too much to process and I needed people around to drown out the noise in my head. We left the Medical School campus and were at the restaurant in minutes. We ate a wonderful dinner and enjoyed people watching. I even commented on some cute guys which resulted in punches to my arm from Mason. I grinned at him and said I was looking but not touching. He looked around uneasily and then turned and kissed me. I mean he took my head in both of his hands and his smacker was on my lips. When we stopped everyone in the restaurant was clapping and cheering. That wouldn’t have happened in Emporia for sure.

I paid the bill and as we were leaving, I saw Black sitting at the bar. When did he get there? He did not look happy. He shook his head for me not to approach. Oops. I knew we had screwed up. But what did we do besides kiss in public …….and walk out holding hands ……and grin at each other as if we were the only people alive? We did that in Williamsburg and Black didn’t object. Hmmm, who knew what it was, Dumbo. OK, no more names for me. Jimbo not Dumbo. I had the right to be dumb every now and again or so I thought.

We arrived at the Jenner’s house and as we pulled into the garage, lights came on in the house. A couple of minutes later Black arrived. He said it was the Sabbath and we would not discuss things so for us to get some rest. Somewhere in the back of my brain I realized that Jewish Sabbath started at sundown on Friday. It had not registered with me. It was not the way I had been raised. Mason seemed not the least bit upset.

When I had arrived in the house the week before I was tranquilized and taken to the guest bedroom. Mason and I had been sleeping in that room since. We had not had a discussion about “our” room we just took up residence where it was convenient. Mason’s room had twin beds and that would not work. I was thankful that we were sleeping together. Suddenly I felt unsettled, I felt like a guest in someone’s home and I was struggling to find solid ground. So much had happened so fast that I hadn’t thought through all of the implications.

Black had disappeared in the house and told us we should stay put until the end of Sabbath. He also said he preferred not to be bothered by us during that time unless there was an emergency. Mason and I went to the den and I turned on the television. Black appeared in the doorway, walked across the room and turned it off. He gave us a scowl. It seemed that everything that was normal was being upended. Growing up, we always ate out on Friday nights. During the spring and summer, we went to the restaurant down by the fishing camp and ate seafood. Fall and winter Friday nights were spent at the barbeque restaurant. Saturday was always about running errands. Sunday was church, then lunch, then visiting friends or relatives. If I became Jewish the basic framework for my life would completely change. What was I doing? This was like being in a foreign land to me. I had not this strangeness at William and Mary all week but was now returning in full force.

I was standing in the den befuddled and becoming increasingly anxious. I had made two major blunders in just a short time. Mason walked up behind me and wrapped me in his arms. A huge sigh escaped my lips and I leaned back into him. How could I be the strong partner when I didn’t know the lay of the land?

“Yonatan, I think you need a dose of medicine.”

My eyes opened wide. “No more shots, no more shots, please.”

I saw a smile on Mason’s face.

“I am thinking of a different kind of medicine.”

He had a lascivious grin on his face. I started smiling, my shoulders relaxed and I felt a certain growing sensation below my waist. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him to the bedroom.

“Lock the door. I don’t want the man in black appearing and saying this is not allowed on the Sabbath. Please tell me we are allowed to do this.”

Instead of giving a verbal answer, Mason started to unzip my pants. They fell to the floor. He then slowly unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it off of my shoulders. He laid his head of my breastplate and then slowly sank to his knees while kissing down my chest and stomach. I was fully invested in this treatment.

I pulled Mason up, grabbed his head and ravaged his mouth. My tongue was relentless in its pursuit of his tonsils. My hand was on his waist pulling him in close to me. His clothes were a hindrance and I hastily removed them. I caught my breath each time I saw him naked. His wild red hair, pale skin, and eager appendage made me utter words of love and lust. I wanted and needed him in the bed. We stumbled to the bed and Mason pushed me down.

“I am the doctor and you are the patient. You are to do as I say.”

I could only nod. Mason then said I needed another head to toe examination. He spent considerable time examining and tasting my upper back. He counted each freckle and mole. He pushed my arms so they were above my head and he could smell my pits. I could hear him moaning as he had stretched his body on top of mine. I could feel his hard cock in my trench. He slowly made his way south and my legs spread to give him more of me to examine. I caught my breath and gave a roar of appreciation when he examined my cave. I was bucking against him. No one had ever dared explore me in that way. My body shook and I felt the explosion before I could voice it. Mason then made a similar noise and I felt hot lava spreading across my butt cheeks. He lay across my back and I turned my head as our mouths grappled. Our hearts were racing and our bodies were covered in sweat and cum. The inoculation was powerful but two more were given before I had a dream free night.

I awoke with the morning light and we were spooned with his back glued to my chest. I kissed the back of his neck and I heard him sigh in satisfaction. I started licking his spine and then dove into his arm pit. He squirmed and giggled. The red hair tickled my nose and I dove even deeper. Mason flipped so he was on his back. I immediately found his nipple and started licking it. He moved his arms above his head and I held them in place with one hand while caressing his torso with the other. My mouth moved lower to his belly button and I swirled my tongue around. He was arching his back. His fiery trail led to his waiting cock. I let go of his arms and my mouth went to his cock and then slid down to his balls. They should have been empty after our love making all night but they were full and hanging low. Mason’s legs moved up and I had full access to his inner self. My tongue made a swipe across his hole and then I lined up my cock and slid forward. We both sucked in air as I slowly entered his temple. I was looking into his eyes and could see the pain which turned to desire and then lust. As a smile crossed his face, I realized I was fully seated. We turned into beasts and made fearsome, awesome love. We were like animals that had been turned loose. We were both panting when I spewed my seed. Within seconds his back arched again and shots of cum were splattering his face and shoulders. I was on my haunches over him and watched as he regained some semblance of cognition. I paid supplication to his body as I slowly licked all of the seed. He raised his head waiting for the kiss so we could share the essence of his being. The entire time we were looking in each other’s eyes. I could see his heart beating against his chest wall. His veins were popped in both arms. His complexion had turned bright red from the exertion. Sweat dropped from my brow onto his lip. He licked it off. When our breathing returned to normal, I moved so that I was stretched out beside him. Our hands were interlocked.

Mason moved and laid his head on my chest, tucked his body into my side, wrapped an arm across my chest and then kissed my shoulder. We had pulled a sheet over our legs and it rested at our waist. There was a knock at the bedroom door. Without getting up we said our good mornings. The door opened. Black was standing there grinning at us.

“I thought you had locked the door,” I whispered to Mason.

“I thought I had also.”

Blacks grin was even wider. “You are just little boys. If I need to enter a room I can do so before you even know it. A mere bedroom door lock cannot keep me out. Remember the ten second rule. That is only if there are significant barriers between us. There is breakfast in the kitchen. Coffee is on. I am heading back to my room but wanted you to know that you make a powerful sound while in the throes of love.”

We heard him chuckling as he walked down the hallway.

We both pulled on our briefs and walked to the kitchen. Black had made a fruit platter, had put out juice, eggs, English muffins, jam and coffee for us. We sat and then looked at the expanse of the rivers. There was wildlife in the marsh at the edge of the property. Already, fishermen were on the water. It was peaceful and quiet. After devouring all of the food that Black had prepared, we went to shower. Luckily, there was a large hot water heater because Mason was insistent that I needed another dose of medicine. Thankfully, we were young and had short reset times. He told me that he had grown to love water whether in the lake or in the shower with me. From the time I was a teenager I hadn’t been keen on taking a bath; a shower was always better, but now I was imagining holding Mason in my arms as we lay in a big tub full of bubbles. I never thought of myself as a romantic sort. Actually, I had never allowed myself to think about being romantic with another person because it would always start with me and a girl and then the feeling would die. Now, I could envision the possibilities.

Mason said that there were two things for us to do during the day. First, he had questions about my upbringing and the beatings I had endured. After that he said we needed to spend the day studying scripture. I looked at him askance.

“Help me understand what happened. Did you have these spells before we met? How could you not remember if these terrible things were happening?”

I started with my earliest memory of being beaten. I was having flash backs about me as a young boy who was beaten on a regular basis. In my mind, I needed to separate the boy being abused and me the adult. I started speaking of the child in the third person. My mind was racing and it was a mixture of crying for me, the adult, and me, the child, who had suffered for many years. I never had a “spell” until I met Mason and after he and I had made love. Had that cracked open the gate to the past; the fact that I was in love for the first time in my life and felt safe? I found someone I wanted to protect and that conflicted with the child I had been who had no protection. The ability to love someone and plan life together meant that I needed to make peace with the past. The fact that my father was punish me for being bad and the fact that he would take joyful events and turn them into punishment had badly skewed my sense of happiness and my right to feel joy. There was a tremendous amount of cognitive dissonance in my brain. I was thankful that Dr. Yael was there to help me sort through this and make sense of what I had endured. That was a huge revelation: I had endured. I told Mason that I needed to talk about this in small doses because it was so overwhelming. I also asked him to jump in and help if he thought I had reacted to a trigger. I couldn’t rightly explain what the triggers were but I encouraged him to actively engage if he thought I was having an event.

“I know what Dr. Yael said, but could we please try to handle this at the lowest level possible without medicalizing each and every thing that happens to me? Please…..”

Mason looked me in the eyes and said he would do that but I had to trust him if he said that Dr. Yael needed to be called. I nodded my head in agreement.

We hugged each other. I had my arms wrapped around him and pulled his head into my neck with my left hand. My right hand was sliding further down his back and was about to grab his ass when I heard Black speak.

“Gentlemen, as much as you may enjoy being all lovey-dovey right now, we need to take some time to study scripture.”

At least he had a smile on his face when he said it.

Mason took charge and gathered several books and then handed me a kippah. He was already wearing his. I turned it in my hand, my fingers touching the edge as I turned and turned it in my hand. I started thinking of radius, circumference, Pi, wedges, slices, the swirling, twirling out of control life that I was trying to live. Mason grabbed my hands, looked at me, and said, “Turn off your brain. Stop. Relax. Just listen to me.” It was then I noticed that my pulse was racing. I slowed my breathing and nodded at Mason. Black stared at me until I told him that I was okay. We sat in the living room and I waited for either Mason or Black to start.

“Sit here. Listen. Just listen.”

He and Black then proceeded to pray in Hebrew. Then Mason started discussing scripture and the two of them had a lively discussion. Fortunate for me, they had switched to English. I knew the scripture but followed Mason’s dictum and stayed silent as long as I could. Finally, I said that I had some thoughts and both of them turned to me in invitation. Slowly, ever so slowly, I started talking about my understandings and the way that I had been taught to interpret scripture. They listened and nodded. A few comments resulted in them staring at me with incredulous looks. That actually made me smile. I gained confidence and before we were finished, we were interrupting each other, laughing, and challenging the intellectual capacity of each. I had proved my mettle.

“You challenge me and that is good. I thought you were just a Boy Scout who got by on his looks and ability to make little boys follow him like ducklings to their mother. You actually have a brain. This will be interesting. Matan, you chose well.” Black looked pleased at his observation.