Prompt Ramblings - 13. Prompt 312 - Bacon

Treatise of All That Is Right And Good About Bacon

As bacon comes in many forms, be it prosciutto, Applewood or mundane variety the fact remains that its inclusion into our daily lives is a godsend. That in and of itself is a truth that must be celebrated. As such, we have tried to list these truths as an method of education for the less enlightened of our population. The proof lies listed below.

Bacon Truth #1

Everything tastes better with bacon on it.

Bacon Truth #2

Bacon can make anyone happy.

Bacon Truth #3

There are clearly hundreds of uses for bacon but we never get past its culinary goodness.

Bacon Truth #4

Your partner doesn't care if they find you in the kitchen with a piece of bacon in your mouth.

Bacon Truth #5

If you put more than one piece of bacon in your mouth at once, your partner may raise an eyebrow, but you will not be single and homeless afterwards.

Bacon Truth #6

You can sample a variety of bacon at the same time or multiple times throughout the day and no one will divorce you and angry violence upon your person is limited.

Bacon Truth #7

If you eat bacon and make happy noises, it's okay. Bacon is just that good.

Bacon Truth #8

If you eat bacon and not a single sound can be heard, you've done nothing wrong and your skills at eating bacon will not be in question.

Bacon Truth #9

If your friends find you eating a particularly fatty piece of bacon there will be no judgement. Because that's where all the flavor is and it just makes bacon better.

Bacon Truth #10

When bacon shrinks, no one jokes, snickers and makes bacon feel less desirable.

Bacon Truth #11

Everyone loves bacon and those that say they don't secretly fantasize about wrapping a twinkie in it.

There will always be naysayers with their vile questions of, “Isn't bacon unhealthy for you?” To that we dismiss these thieves of joy. We refuse to acknowledge their bigotry as they steal the favorite toys of children before pushing them face first into the mud. Life is full of darkness, and bacon is one of the lights.

To this we say to the naysayers: Go away. We will not hear your words so be quiet before I stuff my slab of bacon in your mouth.