Jump to content
RIP - Comicality
    Marty
  • Marty
  • Author
  • 03/01/2019
  • 297 Words
  • 853 Views
  • 9 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Marty's Shorts and Flashes - 3. I Could Manage The Days (Flash)

Chapter Warnings: Adult - Dark
Late one night, a man stands on a clifftop remembering a terrible accident.

Using the lights of the car parked behind me, I walked to the edge of the cliff. From the light of the moon I could see the rocky shoreline some hundred-and-fifty feet or so below me. The tide was out.

How does one get over killing a child? Everyone had told me since it had happened that it wasn't my fault. Everyone except myself, that is. They claimed I couldn't have known that she would walk out from in front of the school-bus and under my wheels. Deep down inside I knew that they were right. But I still blamed myself.

The days were somewhat easy. There were so many things to distract me during the day. My family, friends and work colleagues all commented on how well I seemed to be doing. But they always avoided talking about the one thing that I needed to talk about. Even the doctor could do nothing but offer platitudes and anti-depressants.

It was the nights I found difficult. Because that was when I found myself alone. Alone, with time to think. And thinking was something that was definitely not good for me. But this particular night I actually felt as though things might be mending for me.

Walking back to the car, I climbed in and sat behind the steering wheel. Depressing the clutch, I selected first gear. And as I started moving forward I recalled the day of the accident in my mind's eye. I remembered the laughing face of the girl as she appeared in front of the bus - laughter that turned to alarm as she realised the danger she was in.

I pressed down on the accelerator.

And as the car sped towards the edge of the cliff I whispered one word:

"Sorry."

Copyright © 2019 Marty; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 5
  • Sad 2
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
You are not currently following this story. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new chapters.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 134,210

Posted (edited)

Nicely written ... since it is written, are we to assume he stopped before ending it all?  I think that's the only choice here. That is the thing about first person POV ... the dead (so far as we know) cannot write.  If you're willing, please write this again in 3rd. It's compelling writing and a very strong short piece.

Edited by Mikiesboy
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Marty
48 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Nicely written ... since it is written, are we to assume he stopped before ending it all?  I think that's the only choice here. That is the thing about first person POV ... the dead (so far as we know) cannot write.  If you're willing, please write this again in 3rd. It's compelling writing and a very strong short piece.

 

Thanks for the feedback, Tim :thumbup:

 

I did think about writing in third person POV, but that's been done before for this sort of story, as for example in Percival Everett's short story,  The Fix.

 

I wanted to try this type of story (but as a flash this time) deliberately from first person POV. Perhaps some readers may feel - for the same reason as you - that the narrator must have survived. Or perhaps those five words of yours in parenthesis (so far as we know) are more important than you might think?

 

I do have a version of this where the narrator whispers "Sorry" just as the car flies off the edge of the cliff, rather than towards it. Perhaps I should have gone with that version - if only to sow more seeds of doubt in the readers' minds. ;) 

 

I'm not dismissing your suggestions, Tim. But my choice of POV was a deliberate choice. I sometimes like experimenting when I am writing. :) 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Mikiesboy

i figured it was deliberate, i didn't think you tripped over it by accident..lol.   no, it's a good piece as i said.  this has been done before.. just like most everything we write today has in some form or other.

 

i figured this was an experiment and i think showing the same scene in other POV would be interesting parts of that... as i said, if you're willing.  I was not suggesting you change anything, sorry if i wasn't clear. I just think it would be interesting to see it done in other POV as companions to this piece.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Marty

No, don't worry about it, you were perfectly clear. I understood exactly what you were saying, and why you were saying it. And don't ever feel the need to say sorry for leaving feedback. I love feedback. :thumbup:

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Parker Owens

This is such a hard piece to read. You write convincingly. Those friends ought to have listened rather than blathered, but then, blather can sometimes cover over the pain. Well done. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Marty
3 hours ago, Geron Kees said:

Compelling piece in any POV. 

 

 

Thanks,  Geron. :)

 

58 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

This is such a hard piece to read. You write convincingly. Those friends ought to have listened rather than blathered, but then, blather can sometimes cover over the pain. Well done. 

 

 

Thanks, Parker! :thumbup:

 

But did the friends really do anything wrong? The narrator asks himself a question at the start of the second paragraph ('How do you get over killing a child?'). Maybe the friends felt that had they kept asking the narrator about it then the narrator would be kept being reminded about it. He does tell us he could handle the days - that it was when he was alone that he had difficulty. If he wasn't visibly showing signs of depression, maybe his friends assumed he was okay. We are not told how long ago the accident had happened. If it was very recent, perhaps the friends should been more aware. But it may have been six months, or even six years ago. And all we know about the friends is from what the narrator tells us. Did they deliberately avoid talking about the accident? Or could it just be that the narrator hadn't let them know that he still needed to?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Mancunian

A compelling piece that shows how events that we have no control over can too easily consume us. We don't know if the driver is still with us or not, but wether intended or not this piece contains a message and a lesson for all of us still here. Don't assume, ask the question and talk with others not to them don't ignore the real issue. That's one good way of keeping others from their cliff top.

Thank you for this thought provoking piece.

Edited by Mancunian
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Marty
On 9/22/2019 at 5:00 PM, Mancunian said:

A compelling piece that shows how events that we have no control over can too easily consume us. We don't know if the driver is still with us or not, but wether intended or not this piece contains a message and a lesson for all of us still here. Don't assume, ask the question and talk with others not to them don't ignore the real issue. That's one good way of keeping others from their cliff top.

Thank you for this thought provoking piece.

And thank you for your thought provoking comment. :thumbup:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..