Collection of Poetry - 14. I'll See You In Hell

I’ll See You in Hell

My parents step out of the front door
I watch from the curtain ‘til I’m sure they’re gone
With silent resignation,
I go about my task

I take the shower; the water scalding my loathsome frame
I shave my legs and underarms
I step out, and put curlers in my newly blonde hair
And I style the curls into a Marilyn Monroe style up-do

With my hair glamorous and classic
I daub white powder onto my face
I open the bright red lipstick
And roll it slowly over my full lips

Long lashes and light rouge;
My face is complete
I leave the bathroom
And walk to my parents’ forbidden room

I pull out the lacy Chanel dress
And slide the luxurious fabric over my undeserving body
Reveling in the feel of the silk;
I slowly roll on my mom’s fishnet stockings

Next comes the jewelry
Mikimoto pearls – a thirtieth anniversary gift
A three-carat diamond ring– a family heirloom
A Cartier broach completes the elegant ensemble

I glide down the stairs,
A Marlboro between my vivid lips
I pour aged Dom Perignon
into fluted Swarovsky crystal

Cigarette in my mouth,
and champagne in my hand
I pull out the letter I wrote yesterday
The tear stained parchment that contains my words to them

Dear Father,
They say the greatest pain is to lose a child
I will never know
You must tell me when I see you again,
As we burn together in the fires of hell
Though I pull the trigger, this is no suicide

Dear Connor,
You caught me in high-heels
And thought you’d have a laugh at my expense
Well here is my fun, at yours
The pain you caused me pales beside the guilt you will feel
For my death is as much your fault as mine

Dear Jon,
You loved me as a man
But you couldn’t love me as a women
I would have left it there
But even you, a fellow fag, couldn’t resist a taunt
Well here’s my retort – may you never forget it

Dear Matt,
You were the straw that broke the camel’s back
You said you didn’t care I wanted to be a woman
But you said we couldn’t be friends
You had a reputation to uphold
Have fun being known as the cause of my death

You all have no idea what it’s like
To be uncomfortable in your own skin
I hope my death returns the pain you caused me
I have no pity for any of you
Though my death will be called a suicide
You and I know it’s a murder

I’ll see you in Hell

I fold up the letter
And take a final drag from my cigarette
I down the last of my champagne,
and let the crystal smash to the floor

I step out the door, and drop the letter on the mat
I put on a pair of too-small Manolo’s
And get into my car
I drive

I drive to a quaint little spot
On the edge of a river
Decked out like a Old-Hollywood starlet
I clamber onto a jutting rock

My pretty eyes stare into the night
As I raise the gun to my head
I wrap my luscious lips around the cold metal
And I pull the trigger

A flash of pain,
And I’m no longer looking out of my eyes,
But into them
I see my body – a woman’s body to match my soul

I see the look of satisfaction of my face
As a drop of blood beads on the corner of my mouth
I see my body arch gracefully backward
To be swept away by the current

I have had the last laugh
And try as I might, I cannot forgive them
I shall enjoy watching their pain
As I wait to meet up with them again

For I’ll surely see them in hell