Collection of Poetry - 4. Happy Father's Day

happy father’s day

You have no right to ridicule me, to discipline me
You don’t know me, and i don’t know You
You are not the man i thought You were
i threw out the rose colored glasses long ago, father
how old am i? what’s my favorite color? food? movie?
i know yours
because i cared, father, i loved You
i wanted to go to ball games with You, i wanted to look up at You
but You weren’t there when i needed You, You forgot me
why don’t boys dance? or play with dolls?
i didn’t mean to make You angry, it was just lipstick
i tried to love up to those standards, father, but I couldn’t
god how i wanted your approval
well, no more, You have lost my love and respect
i am gay, father, a faggot, a cocksucker
oh the irony, that your own son would be a worthless fag
but You don’t get to say anything anymore,
because You weren’t there
i’m femme and i’m artsy and i don’t like football
but You won’t be bothered, father,
because You won’t even notice
You won’t ever read this, father,
and You have hurt me more than i could ever hurt You
because indifference hurts more than hate
because no matter how hard i try, i still crave your affection
but You will never know any of this
happy father’s day