You Sure You Want to Do This? - 1. You Sure You Want to Do This?

You Sure You Want to Do This…?

“You really want to tell him now, Kev? It’s only been a few days since you told me you were really in love with me.”

“I can’t do this, Jakey. I can’t have him keep asking me when I’m going to find a girl to go out with when I’m not going to. I can’t go on being boyfriends with you and have him breathin’ down my neck about it. I just……I can’t. I can’t hide how I feel about you either, Jake. I don’t……I don’t want to have to hide that I love you at my own home.”

It was a Saturday, and I – I’m Kevin Lafferty – I was with my boyfriend Jake McCallister at his house. We were sitting on his bed, just relaxing and talking, when I told Jake that I wanted to tell my dad about us, that we were now boyfriends instead of just best friends. After I’d broken up with my cheating bitch of an ex-girlfriend our freshman year, dad hadn’t been taking it real well when I was becoming less and less interested in going out with any girl at all. At first, I was just hurting real bad over Felicia deciding to cheat on me with Geoff Petrovski, who hated my guts. But even…even after it stopped hurting so much, there wasn’t any girl who caught my eye who I wanted to have make me her boyfriend. That was about when I really started to think of Jake as more than just a friend. He was my rock throughout the whole deal – even when I took off for my aunt’s place in Florida for a month, I’d still call him and talk to him whenever I was feeling down. This wasn’t the first time I’d turned to him to help me get through a bad time, but it was the first time I thought of him as more than just a good friend being there for me. This was when I finally started to realize…I really cared for him. It took me our whole sophomore year, and about half of our junior year so far, for me to sort through how I felt about Jake, and how that affected who I was. I’m not attracted to other boys like Jake is – he likes boys like I liked girls – but even still, I do love him in that way.

The deal with my dad, though…is…since he and my mom were sweethearts in high school, he thinks I should be able to find the girl I want to end up marrying and having a family with now, too. He understood how hurt I was over Felicia, but he also thought I’d want to just pick myself back up and try again with another girl who wouldn’t do that to me. I guess I did kind of lead him on by agreeing that it might make me feel better to find a girl who could make me forget about her…but I kept putting it off. I did go out with this girl Stella one day when I was started to get all mixed up over my feelings for Jake – I guess I was thinking that if I liked her, I could be her boyfriend and everything else would just go away. After that date, though, I knew that deep down, she just didn’t do it for me. My grades did start to slip some during our sophomore year, and Mom convinced Dad to ease up on me, and let me focus more on studying. That became my excuse that I’d keep using to keep the girl talk from being too much. Lately, though, Dad was putting more and more pressure on me. It was making me more and more upset every time he’d talk to me, because it was making me feel like nothing else about me mattered to him.

So…now that Jake and I are a couple, maybe now I can finally get Dad to back off completely.

Don’t get me wrong, this mess with my dad doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about Jake at all. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy that being together with Jake gives me a way out.

Jake sidled up next to me on his bed and put his arm around me. I leaned into him.

“You’re sure about this.” Jake’s voice was still questioning. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”

“I know it’s awful soon, Jake…but it’ll only get worse the longer I wait. He was already getting worse the whole time I was leaving you those notes. I…I can’t wait on telling him. I have to do it now.”

Jake held me in a firm hug for a few seconds. “If you’re sure about this, Kev. I just have a bad feeling about telling him, I don’t think he’ll be so okay with you dating a boy instead of a girl.”

I turned my head and stared at him, looking right into his eyes.

“I know, I know you’re gonna tell him anyway, but I just – I just don’t want you to think, it’ll be as easy as you’ll tell him and then everything will be okay, just like that.”

I gave Jake a kiss. “I’ll take the chance.”

With that, we left for my house. As we got closer, I started to feel nervous. It felt like what I was about to do was finally starting to slowly sink in to the deepest parts of my brain. I had to stop for a brief moment, and take a deep breath. I could feel Jake stroke the back of my neck, and that brought back my determination to get this over with. I took hold of Jake’s hand when it came down, and we walked hand-in-hand up to my house. I wasn’t worried about either Mom or Dad looking out a window – I wasn’t sure if Mom was even home, but if she was, I figured both she and Dad would be too busy doing something to be looking out the window and seeing us walk up like this.

We walked into the house to find Dad in the living room with his attention drawn to a sports game on TV – I didn’t bother listening in to find out which one. We looked around, but it didn’t seem like Mom was home.

“Hey Dad, where’s Mom?”

“Out grocery shopping.” He started turning in my direction as he continued, “Why? What you need?”

“Oh, I was just wondering, uh…” I paused.

“What is it, son?”

I swallowed, then looked straight at him and said, “I need to tell you something, Dad.”

“Oh, really?” He reached over and muted the TV with the remote. Turning back to look at me, he continued, “Well, let’s hear it, son.” He looked…almost eager to hear what I was going to say.

I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t get a chance to say anything, as Dad took notice of Jake standing behind me. “Oh! Hello there Jake, did Kevin ask you to be here for his big announcement?”

I looked back, and Jake seemed nervous to answer. “Uh…I think I’ll let Kevin explain why I’m here.”

Turning back to face Dad, I cleared my throat, paused for a moment, and then spoke. “You don’t, uh…you don’t have to worry no more about me finding a girl to go out with, Dad.”

“Well…it’s about time, Kevin! Who is she?”

“Dad.” My voice was firm.

He blinked in surprise, probably from my tone of voice. “I’m sorry, son – I’m just really happy to finally hear this from you.”

“It…that’s not it, though…Dad.” My next words just came tumbling out by themselves. “Jake’s…Jake’s here, because, um…Jake’s the reason you don’t have to worry about me finding a girl, Dad. Jake and I……we’re not just friends, anymore.” I stepped back, taking Jake’s hand in mine. “I’ve fallen in love with him, Dad. I told him how I felt about him the other day, and…now, Jake and I are boyfriends.”

Dad didn’t say anything at first. He blinked several times. He paused for a few seconds. “I……I…”

“Dad?” I wasn’t sure what to think of his reaction, other than this had to be a shock for him.

“I…” He stood up. Then, he turned away from me. “I don’t think I can even look at you right now.” He then walked away.

So…this was it. I tell my Dad that I’ve fallen in love with my best friend…and he’s disgusted by the thought of it. This…this must have been what Jake meant when he tried to tell me that it might not be as easy as I thought it would be. I watched, stunned, as Dad walked away. That gave away to an intense feeling of hurt that I felt grip me once he was out of sight. My eyes watered up quickly as I turned toward Jake.

“Oh, Kev…” He wrapped his arms around me as I lay my head on his shoulder and began to sob. Jake stroked my back up and down, no doubt trying to comfort me as best he could.

“Let’s go to your room,” I heard Jake whisper in my ear. I nodded my head against his shoulder, and he helped me walk back to my room.

I heard Jake close my door before he pulled me over to my bed and we both sat down. He then pulled me to him, and I buried my face in his chest as I began to cry again. Jake leaned back, and we both lay there, me crying with my head on his chest as he tried to soothe me by rubbing my back. It wasn’t enough to make me feel any better, but I’m not sure anything could have right then. Knowing that my dad couldn’t deal with my falling in love with another boy, let alone the boy being Jake…this was hurting me worse than anything I could imagine.

I cried, and cried, and cried…until I felt that I just didn’t have it in me to cry any more. Jake held me close with one arm, and with what felt like his other hand, began to ruffle his fingers through my hair. As he was doing that, I could feel myself finally begin to calm down. I was feeling really worn out from crying, though, and combined with the effect that Jake’s fingers in my hair were having on me, I drifted off to sleep.

*****

The next thing I knew, I was standing outside in front of my house. I looked around. It was a nice day outside – with the sun shining, birds chirping, blue sky overhead…you know, all the things you’d expect to see on a day like this. I didn’t notice anyone else around, though.

Then, all of a sudden, it turned instantly quiet. I started to look around once again, when I noticed above me that the sky…was turning red! I stared, wondering what the heck was going on, as the sky turned a bright red. Then, I heard the front door to my house slam open. I turned, and there was my dad standing in the open doorway, with this incredibly angry look on his face. He fixed his attention on me once he noticed me, and started marching toward me.

It looked like he was growing angrier and angrier as he got closer. He was also getting taller and taller – soon he’d be able to touch the roof. I was getting really freaked out by everything, yet I could only stand there as he got closer and closer. Just as I was going to crouch down in fear of what “Aggro Dad” had in store for me, out of nowhere Jake appeared next to me. Bravely, he stood right in front of me as if to protect me. As I crouched down behind Jake, I wanted to plead with him not to throw himself inbetween us like this, but I opened my mouth…and couldn’t make a sound! I opened my mouth as wide as I could…and nothing. I could only crouch there behind Jake as “Dad” marched right up to us. He reached out, with hands as big as we were, and with a growl, made to grab for Jake…

…Until, Jake started glowing! “Dad” tried to crush Jake between his two giant hands, but as soon as he touched Jake, he stopped. Then…his whole body began to smoke. This was getting freakier and freakier by the second! Much to my amazement, the hands of the giant Dad quickly began turning to nothing but dust. Then, it started up his wrists, and up his arms.

“NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOO…” he bellowed as his body continued to turn to dust. Before long, all that was left of him was the huge pile of dust in front of us on the front lawn. Just as the pile of dust began to settle, Jake stopped glowing, and I felt a breeze come on. The wind picked up the pile of dust that had been “Giant Dad”, and carried it away, not blowing any of it towards us. As I looked around, I noticed the sky had returned to a blue color.

Looking back in front of me, I saw Jake reaching down toward me with a hand, to pull me to my feet. I got up, and threw my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as I could without trying to squeeze the life out of him. Jake returned my hug with as much feeling as I was giving him with mine.

“I love you, Kevin,” I could hear him whisper. “I’ll always protect you.” He gently rubbed my back as we stood there hugging.

Suddenly, his rubbing became jerky, almost like he was trying to shake me. What the heck?

*****

“Kevin……Kevin.” I heard whispering, and flickered my eyes open for a split second. My head was resting on Jake’s chest.

“Kevin…wake up.” Whispering again, this time a bit louder. We were back in my room, lying on my bed. I sat up and started to rub the sleep out of my eyes, but that stung a little, so I grabbed the bottom of Jake’s shirt and used that in place of my hand.

Turning my gaze on Jake’s, I saw him trying not to laugh. “Hahaha…cute.” I playfully socked him in the shoulder.

Jake then gently put a hand on my cheek. “How are you feeling, Kev?”

Frowning, I turned away from him, but before I could give voice to what I was thinking, I heard my door open slightly.

“Kevin?” Great…the last person in the world that I wanted to see then. He slowly opened the door and came into the room. I stared at him with a hurt expression on my face – but his own expression wasn’t anywhere near the disgust he’d shown earlier. If anything, he looked…regretful?

We stared at each other, neither one of us speaking. As hurt as I was by his reaction earlier, I couldn’t find the words to say so. Dad spoke up first, however.

"I’m really...very sorry, about how I reacted to you telling me that now you two were...boyfriends."

From the look on his face, and the tone of his voice…I could tell, he meant what he was saying. I couldn’t keep myself from blinking in surprise – I did not expect Dad to turn around and tell me he was sorry like this…so soon. Still, even knowing that he was sorry…it wasn’t enough to erase all of the hurt that I still felt.

He continued. “Can you forgive me for being so damned stupid?”

“Why did you act like me falling in love with Jake was so horrible?” It was the thought that was circling around in my head, and the words just spilled out. Dad flinched at my question, and I could feel my hurt coming back up.

“When you told me that now you were his boyfriend……” He paused. He looked like he was trying to gather his thoughts together, to figure out how to say what he wanted to say. “I’ve……I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of a guy being together with another guy.” I turned to look at Jake, and saw his face turn to a scowl. “I know, I know…you’ve had Jake around here all this time, and I’ve never said anything about it.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute…you knew that he’s gay, Dad?” Even though Jake had come out to the entire school, he’d never bothered to say anything about it whenever I’d had him over, so…how had Dad found out?

“People talk, son. You remember how everyone was talking about him when he came to Mrs. Washington’s aid a few months back?” I nodded. “Well, some of those people were also talking about how he was telling everyone at school that he……that he……” He couldn’t finish his sentence.

“That I’m gay,” Jake finished for him. Dad nodded. “But if you knew that Jake’s gay already…how come you never said anything about it?” I asked.

“I didn’t…I didn’t really want to, to tell you the truth,” Dad replied. “See…I knew you’d stick up for him, no matter what I said, and I didn’t really want to fight with you about it, son. I figured…it wouldn’t matter anyway, not if I could encourage you to get together with a girl and start dating her.” I didn’t get that, at all – did he think it was contagious or something? “And…” He swallowed. “And because even after I heard about everything, I haven’t seen Jake act any differently than he did before. … Even I can see that.”

“Dad, I…”

He cut me off. “Son…please…please just, just let me get this out.” I turned to Jake, and he nodded to me, so I in turn nodded to Dad to continue. “When you told me that now you two were boyfriends, it was like…one of the worst things I could’ve imagined. Not only were you not going to be interested in the girls, but even when I thought there was no way you were going to turn out like your…gay…friend, here you are telling me it’s happened anyway.” He put his right hand over his eyes, as if remembering his reaction was painful for him. “I couldn’t handle it, boys. … I really couldn’t. When your mother got home from shopping…”

Mom was home? When did that happen, and why hadn’t she been in to talk to us? “…after I helped her put the groceries away…I told her what happened. She…wasn’t too happy with how I reacted, son. She pulled me over to the computer, and she showed me quite a few websites she had bookmarked with information about…about…gay teenagers. I can’t quite remember everything that she showed me, but the impression that I got from looking at the websites was…” He paused for a moment, looking once again like he was trying to think of the right words. “…it made me realize just how wrong I was to react the way I did, son. It made me realize that I was wrong to make you feel like……like I was rejecting you because you told me you’d fallen in love with your best friend.”

Wow...it was looking like Dad really had come around, and the thought of it had my heart filling with hope, taking the place of the hurt that I’d been feeling only a few hours before. I got up off the bed, and walked over to where he was standing.

I felt that I should at least clear up one thing. “Dad…just so you know…Jake’s the only boy I’ve ever had any kind of feelings like this for. I don’t even think about another boy the way I’ve thought about girls or about Jake – but I really do love him.”

“I think I can believe you, son. But…I’ve realized that it doesn’t really matter if you have feelings for one boy or a hundred boys…” He took my hands in his. “…you’re still my Kevin.”

I choked up instantly at those words, and threw my arms around him. I wouldn’t have thought I was capable of having any more tears right then, but sure enough, I could feel my eyes watering up once again. This time, though, it was because I was so happy – happy that not only had Dad come around, but that he would accept me having a boyfriend after all. I hugged him tightly.

“Oh, son…” He stroked my back gently. Behind me, I heard Jake climb off the bed and walk over next to us. I held my hug for a few more seconds before releasing, and stepping back. Jake helped me dry my eyes.

“Jake…I’m really sorry for the things I’ve said and did, and for hurting Kevin. I just hope now you both can forgive me.”

Jake put an arm around me, and I turned to look at him. “I think we can forgive you for being…so, ‘damned stupid’, as you said earlier.” I held back a laugh at his choice of words.

“I’m not going to lie to you guys…seeing the two of you together is going to take some getting used to, for me. But I’m not going to look at you two like it’s this awful thing…like I did before. Help me to see how it can be a good thing for two guys like you to be together like a couple…can you do that for me?”

What else could I do, but smile? “I think we can do that, Dad.”

THE END

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Hope you all enjoyed this one as much as the first one (or, maybe more than that... )
A big thanks to Trevor for his help with editing and with insight into the story and the issues at work here.