No Heart- No Problems - 7. Chapter 7

It was a sunny, sunny day.
I watched as the lights shone through the window above me, reveling in the peace and quiet of it all.
Only here, I could relax.
Only here, I was alone, oblivious to the rumbling of pots, or the sizzling op pans.
The sound of metal on metal almost seemed like a lullaby, and I could just lay my head on this nice cool surface here and sleep-
or so I thought.
"Stan?" the ends of Brian's pony tail suddenly appeared in front of my face, closely followed by his worried face, as he tilted his head to the side, in order to see better under the working surface of the diner's kitchen table.
I blinked at the sudden loss of light, and then sighed, putting my head in both hands.
"Stan?" Brian said again, his voice pulling me back to reality. "what in the name of sponge bob are you doing under my table?"
When I opened my eyes to look at him, he seemed even more worried.
"I" I began, but then decided that talking from under the table might not be the best of ideas, so moving to all fours, I crawled out from under the concealing furniture.
Standing up, and after patting the dust of my pants, I continued. "was taking my lunch break."
Brian did not look overly impressed at that it seemed, and he raised an eyebrow at me.
"under my table?"
"yes." I answered nonchalantly, still busy hitting the dust bunnies of my clothes.
We really should get a busboy to clean this place, soon. Looking up from a really vicious fluffy thing that was adamant on sticking to my side, I noticed Brian was still standing in front of me, looking unsure.
"are you sure you're okay?" he finally asked, as he leaned forward to help me clean my clothes.
"yep" I quipped shortly, in my now very cheery voice.
Can't let Brian get too much information. Like the fact I hadn't slept a full night for the past four days.
"OK then." I could see the wheels turning inside Brian's head, but he was getting to know me, so he didn't pry.
Straightening up, he looked into my eyes with that same worried expression I saw on his face for the last few days, and briefly laid a hand on my shoulder. "tell me if it changes" and he turned away from me again.

I looked at his back for a moment, before closing my eyes for a second. I was sooo tired....
When I opened them again, I thought I saw Brian looking back at me, but then I shrugged it off.
My lunch break was almost over, and I had to go back to work, so I could free Alexis.
As I stepped out of the kitchen, I took a moment to eye the battlefield.

On the far corner to the left, I saw the elderly couple Mr. and Mrs. Daniels, happily chewing on their lunch, as they been doing every day for the past forty years.
A table away, I noticed Clarice, one of Alexis' friends, sitting in the same booth with a man I did not recognize, probably a date she brought to see her friend. She looked up and smiled at me when I came through the door.
Sweeping my gaze over the rest of the tables, I saw two more couples sitting and conversing, not in any hurry to leave.
Watching this, I suddenly felt more calm.
Yes, I did feel a certain type of "pang" in the pit of my stomach, looking at all those happy faces, but then I remembered, and when I glanced around again, I could see the facades.
The way Mrs. Daniels kept looking past her husband, letting his rumblings pass above her, or how Clarice, unknowingly maybe, kept averting her gaze from her date's face, not paying attention.
In my exhausted state, I couldn't keep myself from drifting off into my musings, and as I looked around, I felt my motto setting even more firmly into a soul I might, or might not, have.

I was shaken off my reverie when Alexis noticed me, and waved me over so I could take her place.
Near the counter there were a few people who probably came over to eat on their own lunch break.
I noticed some of the cops from the police station, but Casey wasn't among them.
He rarely came for lunch before, so I didn't took any special notice of it. Or of the look Alexis gave me when she walked away.

Casey was still coming every day for breakfast, but he stopped pursuing me like he did before.
Now , he usually preferred being served by Alexis, even though I caught him throwing a few nervous looks my way. Maybe he thought I might report him.
Stepping up to the counter, I could hear the conversation between two of the cops who were taking their lunch break at the diner.
"heard its a pretty tough course, what he volunteered for" said one of them, a middle aged blond, to his friend.
Sniffing some interested gossip, I was reluctant to tune them out, so I kept listening.
"its considered some sort of advanced" said the other "chief had to send someone, so we could get more funds."
"even so, I was a little surprised to see Casey volunteering for it so quickly, usually the boy does his best to keep his job calm."
The blond snorted, and I paused while taking an order from a new customer, nearly missing what she said. They were talking about Casey?

I finished taking the order, and passed it on to Brian.
I was just about to get back to the counter, not to listen in on any conversations mind you, only to wipe it, but I noticed had more work to be done around the place.
With a disappointed sigh I moved on to collect the checks and clean the tables of some of the people, who were leaving.
We really should get a busboy soon.
By the time I was done, the two cops already left.

At the end of the day, it was down to me, Alexis and Brian again.
Alexis was nice enough to help me and Brian with closing up, and when all the mops and buckets were back in place, we all sagged with relief to the bar stools.
"I think ill put a post out that we are in desperate need for a busboy" Alexis said, after we took a five-minute breather. "shouldn't take long now that the kids are back"
That's right. It seems all the kids came back from their camps, exactly for the start of school.
If before I thought I might have some regrets for not joining them, I was wrong.
For the few moments I watched some people with their families shopping for school supplies, I was deliriously happy for not having to do that myself. Brian shook me back to reality, when he wiped his sweaty forehead and threw his head back.

"yeah, we really can't go on like that for long" Brian replied, then he gave me a sidelong look, and looked as if he made some kind of decision. "its been taking its tall on Stan" when he said that, I dropped my hand, Which I was just inspecting the blisters on to the table.
Alexis turned her head to me "Stan?" I looked away from her.
Shit, Brian!
"Stan, she said again " is what Brian just said true?"
I kept my gaze averted from her, and I could hear her huff in frustration.
"we talked about it, Stanley!"
I seethed at hearing my full name, and closed my eyes, trying to calm down. At this, Alexis stood up, and move to stand in front of me.
"when I agreed for you to work so many hours" her voice was raised "we settled that you will tell me if its too much!"
I raised my head to look her in the eyes, and saw she really was angry.
But behind that I could see her worry, only now she noticed the dark circles under my eyes, or the loss of color from my skin.
Like Brian, she seemed to reach a decision.
"you are off work until Monday. go home." I stared at her in amazement. Monday was three days from now! "Alexis!" I called after her as she turned away from me
"you're not serious! you two" I pointed at Brian who was now sitting up with his head thrown back "wont survive the whole weekend alone here!" Alexis turned around when I said that.
"YOU will not survive the weekend like that, Stan!" she said. "look at yourself, you are about to break!"
I was miffed for a second. couldn't argue with that.
The episode of the kitchen table at lunch pretty much clued me in at that.
But at that point I didn't care anymore, and I couldn't leave it just like that.
"its not just the work, Alexis!" I finally said.
"what else could it be, Stan?" when she asked that, I realized what I said. I couldn't tell her about the nightmares. That was letting in too deep.
"nothing" she finally said.
And then added one last "go home".
I sighed, and headed over to the changing room, intentionally avoiding Brian, who raised his head and was watching me walking away.
I was seriously pissed.

-----

When I got home, I was a little more calm.
The walk helped me cool down a bit, probably because I refused Brian's offer to walk me over to my apartment.
I was not afraid of the dark, it calmed me down.
I realized Alexis had a point. I could not go on like this, not getting sleep at night, and working all day.
I sighed for the tenth time that day, and dropped my bag to the floor near the door.
Shedding my uniform as went, I walked over to my bed, and flopped down on it, not bothering to wear anything else.
Somehow I managed to crawl under the blanket, after five minutes, and promptly fell asleep, exhausted from the day, both physically and mentally.