The Seducer: A Gone From Daylight Inspired Story - 32. William Harker’s Journal: Entry 32

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Sunday, December 10, 1989

Needless to say, after last night’s revelation about how Vlad feels about me, I couldn’t sleep.

I actually caught the sunrise this morning which has become a rare event in my life of late. I’ve found I’ve taken to Vlad’s ‘sleeping’ habits. I sleep during the day and stay awake at night. At first I found this a strange situation because I’ve always been a morning person, but as I’ve been living with Vlad, I’ve found night living to be the norm rather than day living.

I might as well already be a vampire myself!

If only….

He thinks his existence is a curse! Living forever! It seems ridiculous to me! Vlad and his people have found a way around Death itself! How can that be a curse? No more dying! No more losing the ones you love to death!

The end of that fear and that grief! Why would he deny this to me if he could turn me?

I guess the one caveat would be that I’d have to take the lives of others to keep my own going. But, even that can be rationalized, I guess. There are some truly depraved people in this world. People that prey upon others for no other reason than for the thrill of it! Maybe, they don’t deserve the life they are given? Perhaps, vampires are the ones to be the solution to that kind of evil?

Then again, what if some of those depraved souls end up becoming vampires themselves? What kind of immortal monsters would be spawned then? Maybe, ones like that assassin the other night? Fiends willing to kill their own kind in the most torturous ways possible for unknowable reasons.

But, then there are ‘good’ vampires like Vlad who heroically saved me from that very same assassin! I’d make a good vampire. I could be the kind that only takes out the lowlife scum that make this world a worse place! I could even help Vlad take out the bad vampires that should never have been turned in the first place!

Where’s the curse?

I just don’t understand.

If Vlad truly loves me then why wouldn’t he want to keep me around forever? My growing feelings for him certainly would want to keep him with me forever if I could!

When I see him now, he fills me with an awe! His tall slender frame, his angular interesting face, those deep, deep eyes that seem to look right through you and seem to be filled with the wisdom of the ages! His sternness that softens sometimes when he looks at me gives me this shiver. Not a shiver of fear…but one that is a kind of giddiness!

It’s unlike any feeling I’ve ever had before!

The giddiness then gives way to the deep throbbing of my heart. I’m so drawn to this man! He’s like a magnet to me! His every mannerism calls to me in a silently sweet way!

That this person is not only a man, but a creature from legend doesn’t seem to matter to my heart. It’s not that allure that amazes me. It’s Vlad as a person! His wisdom, his kindness, his…love - it pulls me in! I can’t keep from falling. It’s impossible not to.

But, my greatest fear is that I’ll never be able to truly be a part of his life. If I can’t be a vampire than I can never really be a part of his world.

I need to make him turn me! I’ve nothing left of this life! All that I ever loved in this world is gone. My family is dead and I haven’t anyone else but Vlad who cares for me now and he is enough!

I’ve got to make him see that.

He needs to get over whatever he fears I’ll lose on becoming a vampire. I don’t have anything else to lose. My life now is the curse! He can break that curse! He can grant me the ability to be together with him for all eternity. I can see that as a life I’d be very willing to live whatever the consequences.

If two people love each other, what does anything else matter? Every effort should be made to stay together for as long as they can! It’s that simple.

Why can’t Vlad see that?

What, exactly, is he afraid of for me?

What could be so terrible about being a vampire that is worse than being a lonely orphan in love with someone from another world who refuses to accept me into that world?

Well, I definitely have questions and, hopefully, Vlad can answer them for me later. His shroud of mystery has to come off now. I need it to. I need to know his truth so that I can start to live mine.

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“Why is it a curse to be as you are? Why are you afraid to turn me? You say you’ve been watching over me because I’m some kind of connection to someone in your past. Someone you also wouldn’t turn. Why? What’s so great about my life now that I wouldn’t want to become like you so I won’t ever have to fear dying again?” I hit Vlad with it point blank as soon as he was awake.

“It is that very death you fear that is the gift, young William.” Vlad answered calmly as he adjusted his tie. He looked paler than usual and strangely tired. His eyes looked like they’d sunken a little into his skull making the shadows around them more pronounced. This made his eyes flash reflectively in the living room light in a way I’d not seen before. It made that yellowish glow that I found so disconcerting on the night of the assassination attempt.

Despite his intimidating appearance I persisted, “How on Earth can death be a gift? It’s the end of a person’s life! The end to everything! How could being dead forever be a better alternative to being alive forever?”

Vlad sighed with slight impatience, “I can explain things better later. Right now, we have to return to San Francisco. Time is of the essence!”

I understood his urgency. It was still early yet, but night could only last so long. However, Vlad’s urgency seemed a little more extreme than it had been before when we took the flight up here. He had planned everything perfectly and all our travel up here was done by night. He’d similarly planned the trip back to his home. So, that couldn’t have been what was bugging him.

I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing to concern you. Are you packed and ready?” Vlad almost bit out.

“Sure. I’ve been done for, like, an hour. Still, you don’t look well. Are you ok?” The nagging feeling of concern didn’t go away just because Vlad said so. I could feel something was unsettling Vlad.

“I am fine! Let us go, then. Our flight is soon. I need to get home. I have some…pressing business is all. Please, do not concern yourself.” Vlad waved a dismissive hand at me and reached for something from his carry-on.

It was a crystal vial of some kind filled with a dark liquid. After roughly removing the vial’s lid, Vlad shot the whole thing down like a college boy doing tequila shots! To my slight amusement, Vlad had a very similar reaction as that college boy: he shuddered and had to take a second to get his composure after taking that shot. Whatever it was, it must have been strong stuff!

Never would I have guessed that vampires needed a shot of liquor now and then, but I guess they do!

However, I asked anyway, “What was that?”

“Just something to help me along, William. Like I have said continuously now, it is nothing to concern you. Come, let us be away!” Vlad said with irritation as he whisked passed me with his luggage barely keeping up.

He certainly wanted out of there, tonight, and he got his wish. We were at the airport and on our way to San Francisco in record time!

The whole way home he was quiet as a tomb. He held himself with composure, but he was obviously stressed by something.

Then it dawned on me! If it wasn’t the prospect of getting caught in the morning sun that was bothering Vlad, then it must have been something else possibly…vampiric.

His gaunt appearance. His agitation. His shortness with me. It was all uncharacteristic as hell for him. He acted as if he was in pain of some kind.

Could Vlad be…thirsty?

Did he need to hunt for a victim?

If he needed a victim to quench his thirst, that presented itself as an opportunity for me!

He’d be desperate for a blood meal by the time we got back to his place. I could offer myself up! This could be the push I need to make him turn me! His desire would weaken his resolve!

Why trouble himself with the hunt when I was ready and willing to be what he needed right there in front of him!

But then, what if he killed me instead? What if he didn’t turn me and took ‘too much’ or however it works?

Then…I would be dead and with my family.

Like I have said, I have nothing left to live for. Death or becoming a vampire, both are preferable to this pointless half-life I have now.

My chance has arrived! Vlad will take me and do as he wishes. I’m ready! Whatever comes…I am ready!