Not Done Yet - 22. Now What?

Now What?

James didn’t know where to look, at first, glancing from Carol and Jim to the door Casey just walked through, but he quickly recovered and walked out after Casey, closing the door after him. Casey was sitting on the deck, his legs dangling off the edge, a couple of feet off the ground. He was leaning against a post, and made no move when the door opened and closed – just kept staring at a spot on the ground. James sat next to him and wrapped his arms around Casey, leaning his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder. Both sighed deeply at the same time, before Casey took James hands in his, and clung heavily to them.

“I can’t count the times I’ve wished, and hated myself for it…”

“Babe...”

“For months after I moved in with Jim and Carol, I’d wake up in a cold sweat, dreaming that bastard was breaking down the bedroom door again. Then, one morning, I woke up, and stretched, and thought to myself, ‘I wonder if Dad will take me to the store to get some new shoes.’ And I realized I was thinking about Jim, not my father.”

James sat quiet and took Casey’s hand in his, squeezing it softly.

Inside the house, Jim and Carol were talking softly. “Jim, is there any way…?”

“You know what I want, Carol, and you know how bad I want it. But I just don’t know…”

She reached up to stroke Jim’s cheek, and wiped away the tear there. “Honey, let me make a couple of calls.” Carol had her phone in her hand, scrolling through her contacts ‘til she found John Weaver’s number, as she walked into the bedroom and softly closed the door.

Jim started gathering up the breakfast dishes and loading the dishwasher. It wasn’t long before he stopped and leaned against the counter, his head down, softly sniffing. He pulled himself together, though, and went back to cleaning the kitchen, but his eyes kept straying to a couple of doors. Behind one was Casey, a lonely boy who had given him something he’d never known he was missing; behind the other, the love of his life was on the phone, and he knew firsthand about the rabbits she could pull out of a hat when she was inspired.

He started the dishwasher, and set about wiping down the countertops. He took out the trash. He even swept the floor, though it was spotless. As he was pouring himself the last cup of coffee, thinking of making another pot, Casey and James came back in.

“Is there any more coffee, Jim? I think we could both use a cup.” Jim looked at James and saw the gentle look he gave Casey. Casey’s eyes were red; his arm was around James shoulder, and James held him at the waist. Jim smiled a little at the sight, in spite of the circumstances.

“I was about to make another pot. Why don’t you go sit in the living room, and I’ll bring it in shortly.” As the boys softly shuffled toward the couch, Jim set up the coffeemaker and turned it on. After it gurgled out a few cups of brew, he filled a couple of cups, poured himself a warmup, and set all three cups on a tray, headed for the living room.

James and Casey were together on the chaise, and James was talking softly. Casey looked small, with James’ arm around him, his hands in James’, as he sat, drawn in on himself. Jim set down the tray next to them, took his own cup, and retreated to the couch. He sat slowly, blew on his coffee to cool it, and took a sip. James picked up a steaming cup and handed it gently to Casey, who barely looked up, and took the last cup for himself.

They sipped their drinks quietly. Jim and James tried not to stare at Casey, so they ended up looking at each other much of the time. After a few minutes, Jim cleared his throat, and the boys looked up.

“Casey, first off, I want you to understand, this changes nothing. You still belong here. This is still your home, and Carol and I love you just the same.” Jim sighed and continued, “We’re sorry about your dad. We’re sorry you and he were never reconciled. We’re just…so…sorry.”

Casey sniffed before he looked up at Jim. He spoke so softly, Jim had to lean forward to catch what he said. “Thanks, Jim. But you’re wrong about one thing. The man who died wasn’t my dad, ever. He was my father, but he was never my dad. Not like you.” He got up, picked up the tray, and loaded the empty coffee cups on it. He walked to the kitchen silently and refilled the cups before walking back to the living room. He handed their cups to Jim and James, before he took his own and sat down next to James again.

“I guess I need to find out what needs to be done about the final arrangements.”

“I’ve already looked into that, Casey,” Carol walked into the room, looked around and continued, “Did you save me a cup?”

James rose. “I’ll get it. Please sit down.”

Carol sat next to Casey and pulled him into a hug. “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but when you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.”

“Thanks, Mom. Right now, what needs to happen?”

Carol caressed Casey’s hair. “The County will pay for basic arrangements, but Jim and I will help you do whatever you think is right for the man. You need to decide what that is. Why don’t you think about that for a bit? The County can’t release his remains for a day or two, so we have a little time.”

James brought Carol a full cup of coffee, but as Carol started to rise, James waved her back down, and sat next to Jim on the couch.

“My father didn’t have any family left, and no friends worth a damn. Nobody to attend a funeral service, but I want to see him buried with a simple stone, and a chance to say a few words to him before I say good bye forever.”

Jim and Carol looked back and forth and nodded. Casey continued, “I need to let my mother and sister know.”

“Casey, honey, I took the liberty of calling your sister, and let her know. Your mother isn’t taking calls, still. You don’t have to worry about anything changing for you. Only your mother could make that happen, and she’s not in any condition to do that. So you’re still staying here with us, and I’m glad of that.”

“And my sister? What did she say?”

Carol got quiet for a second, then said, “She didn’t say very much at all. She thanked me for letting her know, and asked me to say hi to you.”

Casey melted against Carol’s shoulder, and she stroked his hair, “Baby boy, you got nothin’ to worry about, ‘long as Jim and I got breath in our bodies. I promise.” She kissed the top of his head. “And now, you got something even greater. You got James, and I can’t begin to tell you how pleased that makes me.”

“That reminds me,” said Jim, “I promised this boy a hug, and we were interrupted.” He reached over and grabbed James in a tight squeeze, ‘til James had to tap out of it, and was gasping for air when Jim finally let him go. Then he grinned broadly and hugged Jim back just as hard.

“Thanks, Jim. Casey’s so lucky to have you two.”

Jim laughed and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“Carol what do you say we pull ourselves together and drive in to town? I’d like to visit Jessie, and get all the dirt on our new son-in-law.”

“Son-in-law? Aren’t you jumping the gun a bit, old man?” Carol’s eyes twinkled.

Jim deadpanned, “Not at all, dear. You heard them this morning.”

James and Casey looked at each other. Casey was the first to laugh when Carol said to them both, “He’s got you there, boys. Those sounded as much like vows as any I ever heard spoken in front of any altar.”

James was looking at Carol, thoughtful. He turned to Casey and said, “Just say the word, stud.”

Casey’s face lit up, and he pulled James in for a long, tender kiss, and held their foreheads against each other, gazing into James’ eyes. Those eyes the color of a Hershey bar, with the pupils that were always dilated when he looked back. “You know my heart, lover. I promise you, one day soon, I’ll say that word.”

“Well, Case, right now, I need to think about my mom. I don’t think it’s quite right that your folks break the news to her about us. You introduced me as your boyfriend to your parents, and I’d be proud to do the same with my mom.”

“I think that would be a lovely idea, honey,” said Carol. “Why don’t you two go ahead and do that, and we can invite Jessie over for later. We need to go to the store, anyhow, so I can pick up some extras to celebrate. Jim, why don’t you put on your boots and get the car. I’ll meet you out front in ten. Casey, we’ll be gone for awhile. If you leave before we get back, please lock up, and don’t forget to feed Slither.” She got up and walked to their bedroom.

“Sure, Mom, and thanks. We’ll head out in about an hour or so. Dad?”

“Yeah, sport?”

Casey crossed to where Jim was standing, wrapped his arms around the taller man, and kissed the base of his neck. Jim returned the hug. “Thanks.” Funny thing was, both of them said it at the same time, and started laughing.

“C’mon, James, let me show you my etchings before we leave.” Casey winked and walked toward the stairs.

James caught up with him and took his hand, turned, and told Jim, “Thanks Dad. For everything.” Then they both started up the stairs. Jim smiled and watched them ‘til they turned out of sight on the landing.