Redemption's A Bitch - 17. Emotional Shelter

“Kieran?”

“Mmm…”

“Kieran…” Robin was walking slim fingers down his chest towards his navel, and Kieran quite liked the idea of remaining half asleep and letting his boyfriend do whatever he wanted. “We fell asleep on the sofa…”

“Mmm hmm…” Kieran pulled Robin over his chest and the boy giggled gently as their bodies locked together. Each was well practiced at finding space for the other by now. His lips moved in Robin’s hair when he spoke. “This is a damn fine sofa,” he squeezed Robin’s butt, “I think we should sleep here more often.” Robin’s lips were warm and soft against his own, and Kieran could think of nothing better to do with his morning than have fantastic sofa-sex with his boyfriend.

Neither of them really noticed when the dogs barked happily, too busy wrapped up in each other, but Kieran’s pupils dilated fast enough to make the room go brighter when he heard his cousin’s voice.

“Well hey, Shadow. Yeah, I’m pleased to see you too. Where’s Kieran? C’mon, help me find him.”

“Oh fuck,” Robin froze, “quick!”

“Oh Jesus!” Kieran pulled a discarded throw over the both of them at his cousin’s exclamation. Shadow barked triumphantly, having done his job.

“Babe? Is everything all right?”

In the sudden dark tent under the throw Robin’s eyes became huge.

“My sister! Shit!”

“Becca, it’s nothing. Just stay there.”

“Shas?” One of the dogs tugged on the throw, and Kieran didn’t have a good enough hold on it to keep the fabric in place. He and Robin broke apart, both trying to hide their modesty, and Robin hid behind the sofa while Kieran pulled a cushion over his crotch. “ROBIN!”

“Hi sis…” Robin peered over the back of the sofa, “nice trip?”

Kieran hid his face in his hands, refusing to watch the horror unfolding in front of him.

Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they can’t see you, his inner voice chirped smugly, a lot of you, as it happens.

Fuck off.

Kieran tried not to listen too hard as his cousin manhandled his new wife from the room, but he took the opportunity and as soon as he could, grabbed Robin and dashed out the other door and up the stairs, with the dogs, to his rooms.

“What the hell just happened?” Kieran dragged his fingers through his hair, his heart going a dozen miles an hour.

“My sister just saw me naked,” Robin sounded like his world had imploded, “shit!”

“They weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow!”

“That’s not my fault!”

“Whoa…” Kieran put his hand on Robin’s shoulder and instantly found his boyfriend pulled against his chest. Robin’s pulse was jumping erratically. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. Sorry,” Robin panted, “not exactly how I had planned our morning.”

“You’d planned?” Kieran arched an eyebrow at him, and Robin thwacked him with a pillow from the bed.

“I was gonna make breakfast for you. I even went and got eggs yesterday.”

“Really?” a warm melted-butter sort of feeling spread through Kieran’s chest, “babe…”

“I like to spoil you too y’know,” he glanced down, “but we’d probably best not get involved in what he wants us to right now.”

Kieran looked down at his happy semi and growled. Robin was right, and any second now Shastan was going to lose his battle with Becca and she was going to come storming upstairs to find out what on earth he had done to her little brother.

“Get dressed,” Robin smiled at him, “I’m gonna go hide in the shower.”

“Bastard.”

“I keep telling you,” Robin kissed him hard, “that’s your job.”

They had, remarkably, spent time apart over the previous few days, though Robin had lamented without feeling that he missed his own bed. Kieran had, without fuss or announcement, made space for Robin’s clothes in his wardrobe, his shoes in the rack, his toiletries in the bathroom. They had eaten together every day, had fantastic sex, walked the dogs on the beach and in the park, lain around and read books, watched movies, made love slowly and softly in the middle of the night without speaking and it had been the greatest pleasure Kieran had ever known. Kieran had gone up to the track to work with the new bike, Robin had gone to summer seminar on nature in design, and afterwards they’d taken the Ducati down to the beach and eaten at a waterfront bar that did the world’s best barbequed ribs. Robin had fed the remainder of his slow roasted lamb shank to a man’s very friendly wolf-dog, before they’d driven home along the seafront, the sun setting through the visor and Robin whispering pretty things into his ear through the microphone.

It had been a blissful little bubble in which neither of them had needed to explain a single thing to anyone, and now, it had burst.

Kieran combed his hair, scrambled around for jeans, a shirt, and was halfway through picking up the stuff lying in a mess about the place he was coming to think of, automatically, as their room when the door banged open.

“Becca, don’t!”

“Kieran!” Kieran stepped back and avoided Becca’s hand. She was angry, but controlled enough not to swing for him again: that tactic had already failed once before. “What do you-!”

“How was the honeymoon?”

“You basta-!”

“Shas? How was it?” Kieran fought to keep his tone normal and level, ignoring the screeching harpy his brother had apparently married.

“It was great,” Shastan glanced sidelong at his wife, “the weather was wonderful and the food was pretty good. Their waffles weren’t as good as yours.”

“Thanks.”

“Enough of this!” Becca slammed past him, “Robin!”

“He’s in the shower.”

“You! You were… with him! You bastard!”

Kieran glared at her.

“He’s a big boy Becca, he can makes decisions for himself.”

“In the lounge ‘cus, really?” Shastan shook his head gently.

“You’re back a day early,” Kieran shrugged.

“Don’t you dare try and blame this on us!” Becca snapped. For someone newly tanned and freshly returned from the best vacation of her entire life, she had enough visible rage burning in her eyes to boil a kettle. “I cannot believe you would stoop so low to do this to us!”

“Becca!” Shastan looked aghast at his bride.

“Don’t you see it, babe? He’s trying to make me leave! He’s trying to make me uncomfortable in our home!”

“You can be a real self-centred bitch sometimes,” Robin spoke from the bathroom doorway, “hey babe. We should do laundry, we’re basically out of towels.” Kieran exhaled as Robin’s warm damp arm slid around his waist. The little Sparrow was wearing nothing but a towel, but under the thin layer of his smile, his eyes flashed dangerously. “Hi sis, how was your honeymoon?”

“Rob!” Becca gaped like a fish, staring at her brother, “what are you doing?”

“Waiting for you to leave so I can get dressed?” Robin’s answer was undoubtedly patronising, “why don’t we just catch up after breakfast?”

“I will not allow you to do this to me!”

“I didn’t do it to you Becca!” Robin snapped, “Not everything is about you!”

“Do mum and dad know where you are? Oh my god Rob! Don’t you see? He’s using you!”

“Becca, calm down,” Shastan’s tone was firm.

“No!”

“Enough!” Shastan yelling was a rare enough occurrence to make them all stop and stare at him. “I will not have you speak that way about my family. I think everyone had better just go and cool off.” Shastan gave his cousin an unreadable look, and Kieran knew this wasn’t quite what he was expecting on his return from their honeymoon. “C’mon Becs.”

She stormed off without him, and only after the door was closed, and the sounds of footsteps had vanished, did Kieran take the opportunity to breathe. Robin pulled him close, a slim hand over his chest, and the contact made Kieran aware of just how hard his heart was hammering. He turned automatically and nuzzled into Robin’s soft, damp hair.

“Jesus…”

“Your sister is a real piece of work.”

“I know. I’ll deal with her.”

“How?” Kieran looked down at his boyfriend with a frown. Right then, if he’d had to choose between Robin and everything else… the house, his cousin, and all the money in the world could go to hell.

“I have no idea. She’ll calm down though,” Robin sighed, “she can’t keep that up forever. She’ll have a heart attack,” he paused, and then stroked Kieran’s hair, “I think I’d best go home tonight.”

“What? No…”

“Kier…” Robin smiled at him and tugged on his hair gently, “you can have too much of a good thing, y’know.”

“But, she’ll think she’s won.”

“And when did you start caring about what other people thought?” he grinned, “why don’t we go out and meet Brian ‘n everybody tomorrow evening? Like a proper date.”

“I’ll miss you.” Kieran felt pathetic just saying it, but the words were true.

Robin grinned, his eyes sparkling.

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

*

Kieran was never exactly certain what it was that was said between Rebecca and her brother, or between Rebecca and her husband, but once he’d waved Robin off in a private taxi, cleaned up their room, done some laundry and taken the dogs out into the garden, he passed her sitting on the sofa in the chapel, going through wedding gifts and cards and making lists. She didn’t say a word to him, and Kieran knew he could deal easily with her silence. Cold shoulder treatments only worked if one liked the person in question to begin with. When Shastan came to join him, Kieran grinned happily at the scent of his cousin’s hot chocolate. He had never mastered the art of making it himself, and now it was the thing he most looked forwards to when they were both home.

“Thanks Shas,” Kieran breathed deeply of the thick, warm aroma. It was the first thing Shastan had ever made for him, and Kieran maintained that it was the loveliest of all his chocolate products. “I suppose I’m going to spend my evening looking through all your pictures?”

“Kieran…”

“If you’ve taken more than a thousand, I’m calling veto.”

“Kieran.”

“We went up to the circuit while you were gone. Training’s going great, the bike is brill-”

“Kieran!” Shastan shook his shoulder in exasperation, “I need to talk to you.”

“About Robin,” Kieran sighed. It wasn’t a question, and already his brain was spinning with every argument Shastan would make about their relationship.

“Yes, about Robin,” Shastan frowned at him, “he called you his boyfriend. How long Kier?”

“Since sort-of before the stag do,” it was hard for Kieran to pin down an actually moment where the two of them had gone from hatred and obsession, through tolerance and friendliness, and pitched headfirst into lust, love and romance. “Shas, if you’re going to tell me not to see him…”

“I’m not. Don’t worry,” Shastan smiled at his younger cousin, “Robin already made it very clear that the two of you are in love, and nothing I or my wife say is going to change that. I’m happy for you ‘cus.”

“Thanks.” Kieran went back to sipping at his hot chocolate, smiling secretly into his mug.

“Y’know before, around the time of the engagement party, you were a bit,” Shastan seemed to be searching for the right words, “down and out. Was that all to do with him?”

“Shas, what’s that rule we have about not discussing feelings and girly shit?”

“I’m a married man now ‘cus: it comes with the territory.”

“I’m happy now,” Kieran ran the pad of one thumb around the inside of the mug, cleaning the chocolate off with his tongue, “Shas, this needs to not be a problem.”

“I can’t promise anything.”

“Seems fair.”

Kieran half hugged his cousin, handing the mug back, clicked to the dogs, and decided his afternoon alone was best spent going for an exceedingly long and rambling walk.

*

“I am not convinced this is a good idea,” Kieran stood with his phone pressed between ear and shoulder, picking at his cuticles. His lip had finally healed up, and now he seemed to have developed a new nervous habit, “Your parents are going to flip.”

“Then I’ll get the bus,” Robin’s voice was distant, on speaker as he moved around his bedroom, “We’re meeting Brian at The Eagle, right?”

“He and Hayley got a sitter,” Kieran sighed. Brian had been rather overexcited by the idea of going out and introducing Robin to Kieran’s actual friends, of which there were very few. Kieran had encouraged him to settle down, but opportunities to go out and drink lessened rather when one had a small child, and Brian had said it was about time Kieran tried to forge a few new relationships. Kieran’s apprehension had turned into proper nerves, and for the last ten minutes he had kept dropping things. “What are you gonna tell your parents?”

“The truth?” Robin sighed, “Becca called them and I got an earful when I got home yesterday.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“Well, we were sorta busy on the phone last night,” Robin had picked up the phone again, and Kieran could hear his soft smile, “You’re very good with your tongue.”

“You realise I’m not gonna be able to think about anything else at all now?”

“Yup. See you in an hour.”

Kieran checked over his outfit as he stood by the gates, waiting for Bernie to collect him. He’d put effort into his appearance: brushed his hair and made a thick braid down either side of his mane, leaving the back loose, changed for a pair of blood-red chinos that Zander had picked out for him a little while back, paired with a cornflower blue shirt and his favourite black leather jacket. As he slid into the back of the cab, Bernie smiled at him in the rear-view mirror.

“Where to Mr Tristan?”

“The Eagle please, Bernie,” Kieran checked his shirt buttons again. “Bernie-?”

“You look grand Mr Tristan, Mister Sparrow will be pleased.”

“Mister Sparrow?” Kieran arched a dark eyebrow in surprise, “That’s what he called himself?”

“Yes,” Bernie grinned, “and he talked about you. A lot.”

“Oh, really?” Kieran settled back into the leather seat with a smug grin, ready to listen to nice things about himself.

“Sorry Mister Tristan, he made me swear not to repeat what he said.”

“But, Bernie!”

“Will I be picking you two up later?”

“You’ll still be on duty after midnight?” Bernie nodded to him, “Yes please.”

“You just let me know Mr Tristan, I’ll be there. Have a fun night, sir.”

“Thank you Bernie,” Kieran nodded to him, touching the brim of an imaginary hat as he removed himself from the car, “you are a god-send.”

The Eagle was a wonderful pub that served good alcohol and delicious food. The kitchen had shut an hour previously, but that didn’t mean the lingering scent of barbecue chicken wings was anything other than heavenly. Kieran checked his phone, one shoulder resting against the rough brick wall, facing the door, and smiled when a warm hand slid over his eyes.

“Guess who,” Robin’s voice was low and sexy in his ear, and the texture of his breath made Kieran shiver in excitement. When the little Sparrow moved his hips against Kieran’s butt, the taller man moaned gently, “I missed you too.”

Robin let him go and Kieran quickly ensnared him with one arm, angling for a warm, damp kiss. Both of them were breathing hard when they broke apart.

“So where are these friends of yours?”

“Inside I guess. You taste amazing.” Kieran glanced the boy up and down. Robin had chosen a pair of bootleg jeans that inexplicably drew all of Kieran’s attention to his crotch, a white shirt and a thin black pullover. He looked delectable. “Can we not just go home? I made the bed, new sheets…”

“Tempting,” Robin bit his lower lip and grinned, “but no. C’mon big guy.” Robin took his hand, and dragged him into the pub. Kieran wondered, for a brief and glorious second, how he had managed to find the only guy brave enough to boss him around.

“Kier! Robin! About damn time!” Brian turned the wheels of his chair from the round table to look at them, “I brought someone to meet you. Kieran, this is-”

“Zander?” Kieran blinked twice, staring at the sparkly blue-eyed young man who was so good at choosing his wardrobe, then looked at Robin, who had also spoken.

“You know each other?” this came from three mouths, including that of the shaven-headed wheelchair-bound man Zander was sitting next to.

“Yeah,” Robin smiled at his boyfriend, and walked around the table to hug Zander, “his friend Billy used to go out with my friend Rashid.” He shrugged, “they broke up, but we still hung out. How-?”

“Tristan is our best customer,” Zander grinned like a happy housecat, “and you’ve managed to pair that shirt and those chinos beautifully. Well done.”

“This is the rich bloke with the many dogs?” The man in the wheelchair arched an eyebrow, “He’s the same guy as the racing madman?”

Zander rolled his eyes.

“Tristan, this is my husband Zupan,” there was a bark from under the table, “and Caesar.”

Brian got a round in, and Kieran found himself matched with Zupan, clinked bottles of Corona and lime. He had known, in a general sense, that Zander’s husband was in a wheelchair, but it was quite another thing for the man to smirk, and threaten to outdrink him. Kieran knew that Robin would roll his eyes, but he ordered shots anyway, and while Brian and Hayley began to tell Robin stories of Kieran’s mad bike-obsessed teenage years, he and Zupan got down to business.

“I can do this all day,” Zupan knocked back the rest of his drink and rapped his knuckles on the table, Kieran focused on the tattoo worn across his wrist. “In place of that shiny ring I gave to Zan,” he rubbed it with the thumb of his other hand, “you got ink?”

“No, only scars.”

“Shame, they’d suit you.” Zupan was still frowning when Kieran returned with more drinks. The bar apparently had an inexhaustible supply of Mexican beer and citrus fruit. “So Brian told me about your accident, a bit. What happened?”

“He was fucking lucky not to end up playing murderball and pissing you off is what happened,” Brian cut in.

“Brian…” Hayley’s brow furrowed, “Kieran has his good qualities.”

“Is he hiding them?”

Kieran narrowed his eyes and glared at his boyfriend.

“If you’re gonna be mean to me I won’t bring you out to meet my friends.”

“You mean you have other friends?” Ralph clapped a hand on his shoulder before taking a seat. William kissed Kieran’s cheek and then Robin’s before settling onto his husband’s lap. “Nice to meet you finally, Sparrow.”

“Tell me about the track,” Zupan smiled at him across the table, “I did dirt biking for a while. God I miss that!”

“Well, racing isn’t much like dirt biking…”

*

Kieran lay back in his newly laundered bed and watched the man he loved brush his teeth, only half dressed. Robin met his eyes in the mirror and wiggled his butt in a manner that made Kieran groan. They had snuck into the house, deliberately quiet in their actions, sneaking through the den and the kitchen, rousing the dogs and silencing their barking efficiently. It wasn’t that Kieran didn’t want Shastan and Becca to know they were back, but… he didn’t want them to realise it. The happy little bubble they had occupied had burst, rather messily, but in the darkness they could both still convince themselves it could be rebuilt. Robin finished up in the bathroom and stripped, standing at the foot of Kieran’s giant bed. His erection was no less impressive.

“I forget, did I promise you something?” Robin glanced down at his naked body, then his wicked hazel eyes flicked back to where Kieran lay, resting on his elbows, a pillow already propped under his hips, wearing nothing but a hopeful smile. “Oh yeah, so I did.”

Twenty minutes later Kieran literally bit the pillow to stop himself from screaming and Robin leant over his back and snarled wordlessly in his ear, his fist wrapped in Kieran’s glossy yard-long hair. After a long tense moment, Robin fell onto him, both of them too-warm and too-sticky for that much skin contact to be comfortable. Kieran panted.

“I just changed the sheets…”

“Well then you shouldn’t come all over them,” Robin tried to support his own weight on his arms, but he was shaking with the sudden release of energy.

“And whose fault it that?”

“Guilty,” Robin rolled off him, his body instantly conforming to the shape of the mattress, “wow.”

Kieran staggered upright and went to bathroom to stick his face under the tap. He returned with a glass of water, which Robin gulped down gratefully.

“Promise me we’ll always have awesome sex like that?”

“Promise,” Kieran settled back onto the bed, and was immediately pulled against Robin. The little Sparrow set down the glass, and ran a cold wet finger down the midline of his chest.

“You are beautiful: I don’t think I ever actually told you so.” Robin looked like he wanted to say something else, and Kieran waited. “You know you were talking to Zupan about the crash?”

“Mmm.”

“These scars,” Robin pressed his fingers over the surgical scars at Kieran’s collar bone “Tell me about them?”

“Those weren’t from the crash,” Kieran took Robin’s fingers and kissed the pads gently. It was not a conversation he really wanted to have, but he knew he must, because the more Robin knew about the dangers of racing, the less he would want Kieran to do it. “But they were from MARS; that was the bike. I built him, and we spent all of our time fighting each other, the track, and every rider out there.

“I was nineteen, it was one of the TT races, the Touring Trophies, best road races out there.” When Robin gaped at him, Kieran grinned and kissed his cheek. “They close the roads babe. We’re mad but not suicidal. We went round a corner wrong, the angle was too low, there might have been something on the ground, I’m still not sure. I came off, MARS came away and the two of us slammed into the asphalt. MARS was in pieces, the chassis actually came apart, which shouldn’t have happened, and I was technically dead for just under a minute.”

Kieran took Robin’s hand and pressed it over the scar between his fourth and fifth ribs on the right side, where the paramedics had put a chest tube in to re-inflate his lung after they saved his life.

“Ruptured liver, a collapsed lung, and more internal bleeding than is comfortable for a Saturday afternoon. I cracked half a dozen ribs, and they broke three when the paramedics were resuscitating me: they have pins in. I have about as much hardware as our friend Zupan, but luckily in different places.”

“Kieran…”

“That’s why Shas made me quit. He didn’t want me ending up in a chair like Brian, or Zupan, or dead.”

“Don’t say that,” Robin clung around his neck, face buried suddenly in Kieran’s chest. He could feel his boyfriend crying. “I could put up with pretty much anything from you-”

“You already have,” Kieran joked. Robin thumped his sternum for his trouble.

“I am not putting up with you being dead. I swear to god Kieran, if you die out there you’d best be ready for me to haul you kicking and screaming back into the realm of the living.”

Kieran stared at him in surprise, but Robin’s gaze was dead serious.

“I love you,” the boy grabbed his hair and kissed him hard enough to clack their teeth together, “don’t you ever forget it.”