T.R.'s Tale - 13. Chapter 13

Even as I held David I could feel as well as hear the sob that escaped at my pronouncement. I withdrew, and turned him to face me. He refused to make eye contact. In the deck light I saw tears trickle down his face.

“David, what's wrong?”

David sighed heavily and wiped at tears on his cheeks. “Tar, I think it's best that you go. I think I, I need some time alone.”

This was by far the most bizarre post coital moment I had ever shared. Well, since my only high school encounter. I just told a man that I thought loved me, that I loved him and now he is asking me to leave.

“David, I'll go, but first tell me what I did wrong? We enjoyed what we did. I didn't hurt you did I?” I reached for him but he just turned away.

“It's better you just go.” His voice was firm now. Not normal for him, but firm.”

I needed time, I needed to stall. “Can I at least shower first?”

David seemed lost in his thoughts as he numbly moved to his clothes. I stepped to mine and was reminded the condom swung heavily on my cock. I removed it, tied it off and dumped it in the trash can. David had apparently not heard my request.

More emphatic this time, “David, may I take a shower?”

“Huh, a shower? Yeah, down the hall. You'll find towels in the bathroom” he said as he pulled on his shorts and shirt. Without slipping on his shoes he took a seat and began sipping at the remaining beer. It must have been warm by now. He didn't seem to notice.

I made my way inside consumed with thoughts of what had transpired with David. He came like a wild animal, roaring to the high heavens and now seemed depressed. I dumped my clothes on the floor and adjusted the water. Was the baby an issue with him? It couldn't be. I’ve been around kids my whole life. I've babysat newborns to preteens in every combination. Unless there is a serious illness, it's pretty much holding to a routine. Maybe David being an only child... he had reservations about two men raising a child... I thought on that for a bit.

Slowly, as the water washed over me, I began to replay our date. It seemed perfect right up until we were at the railing. Then I knew what I had done. I chose to share my heartfelt feelings when they would have been singularly discounted as being in the heat of passion or in the afterglow, to be more precise. David wasn't convinced I loved him after he had given himself to me with an understanding of forever. Having a child made what he did with me all the more special and I screwed it up... almost.

I hurriedly washed and dried my body. I dressed and headed back to the deck. I stopped off by the frig and grabbed two more beers. I found him still morose, tearing at the label of the empty beer bottle.

Sitting a cold beer in front of him I smiled at his slumped posture. “David, I am not leaving.” I took a chair and opened my beer. I slid the that bottle across to David and took his and opened it. I took a deep pull on the cool liquid.

“You know David, we'll remember tonight for three reasons. One is that we made a commitment to each other. Second is it's the first time we had sex. The third and most important reason is that it was the first time I said 'I love you'. David it won't be the last time. I pulled his hand into mine, knelt beside his chair and said, “David, I know it was bad timing but I meant what I said, 'I do love you'. Is that what's wrong?”

A heavy sigh and his eyes met mine. “Tar, I have watched you with Bill and it hurt to see you happy with another man. I've told you about why I couldn't express my love for you, even when I knew for certain. I just let you go with Bill. It hurt me a lot.”

“You see, I know that sex makes men do some stupid shit, and well... my marriage was started just like that. I came and said I love you. Three months later, I was a married man. At the time I said it I’m almost sure I meant it. But the next day or the day after, hell, maybe the week after I realized it was sex talk and not the real thing.” A snort then, “She didn't even have the necessary equipment for love. That's not true, but you know what I mean.”

“A while ago you said the same thing in the same circumstances. Tomorrow or the next day, soon, you'll realize you didn't mean it.”

I slapped my hand on the table. I was pissed. I had fought with this idea and when I finally realize it and say it, he thinks it's bullshit.

I stood up and turned, about to leave. Instead, I stuck my hands in my pockets and turned back to David. “How much time?”

David looked at me like he didn't understand. “How much time, what?”

“How much time between sex and sincerity? An hour, a day, a week, a year? I'll come back, when you can believe I'm sincere. It won't change you know, I'm not like that. I pulled my shirt off and pointed to the tattoo. “This is a reminder not to lie to myself... Then I, Frank and Mary's little boy Timothy Reed Boudreaux quoted Shakespeare, “'To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man'.”I put my shirt back on and left.

I called Bill and asked if I could come over. When I arrived he was smiling and so happy, it pissed me off. I told him what happened and he was sympathetic. He poured me a double shot of Bombay Blue and we talked.

He reminded me that he had said the same thing to me. I had forgotten. Then David's feelings became clearer. He couldn't trust the words uttered in the throes or afterglow of passion, no more than I had. I excused myself to call David. The line was busy and what I had to say couldn't be left in a message.

I returned to Bill. I had thought about going to Doc and Fred's. Somehow after our talk today I felt like maybe I would be an intruder. I asked Bill if he had met Fred and he said only when he had seen him. I explained only that Doc and Fred were now living together and that Doc seemed very happy.

Bill seemed more than pleased and said, “That witch was right. You've changed this town. Hell, Tar you could run for Mayor.” I thought of the docking of the Dobermans incident with the Mayor's wife and tasted something bad in my mouth. A sip of gin washed that away.

I wasn't all that curious but I wanted a different topic. “Bill how about you? What is your life like with Jed?”

Bill smiled shyly, “Tar, are you just trying to change the subject or are you really interested?”

I faked my interest and he continued, “I was shocked when he knocked on my door. I was still in my drawers. He said, “Get me some coffee, we need to talk.” I put on a pot of coffee, thinking there was something he was going to tell me about you. I wasn't sure if you were in trouble or hurt.

I headed to the bedroom to get some pants and he said, “Where are you going, you don't need clothes to talk to me.”

It pissed me off and I stormed back into the living room to find him still standing. Somehow my embarrassment overruled my irritation and I asked him to have a seat. He refused and seemed intent on making me angry. I figured it was a game of some kind, so, I kept my cool.

He told me he saw you heading to the cook out and that you were smiling big time. Seems the witch had told Sir that there was love in the air and that if he wanted his, he had to act now and in a forceful way.

Then he said, “I figure she meant you. I have to admit I jerked off thinking of you in that tight uniform the other night. Does that bother you? He started moving closer and I wondered what he had in mind. He stood close, kissing close and asked, “Does it bother you being this close to a mean son-of-a-bitch?”

I don't know why Tar, but I said, “No Sir, it doesn't.” Then he put his arm around me and pulled me close and asked does this bother you?”

“No sir.” He kissed me. His tongue pushed itself into my mouth and raped my tonsils. When the kiss broke I was hard as a rock and leaking like a sieve. I stepped back and looked at him, really for the first time. He is ruggedly handsome and that deep voice vibrates inside me. He told me that he had what I needed and that Tar was not the man for me... He was.

“Tar, I can't say where it all came from but the pieces fit. He made me get naked and stand in front of him. He made me put my hands behind my head while he looked me over. I felt vulnerable and exposed…” There was a smile at the irony. “He had me rotate and then kneel with my hands still behind my head. He toed my balls with his boot. My cock leaked precum on his boot. “Jesus Fucking Christ! He shouted. “Can't you control yourself at all? I never said you could get a hard on, did I boy? Lick that off, NOW! I did.

He slapped my face and said, in a whisper, “Never raise your voice to me. You got that boy?”

“Yes Sir.” Something inside me was afraid he might leave.

“Go get us some coffee boy. Mine is black. Yours is too.”

When I came back with two mugs he had taken a seat there...” indicating a large wing backed chair. “He took his coffee and indicated I should sit on the floor beside the chair. I did and noticed I was still very hard and leaking. I tried to hide it with my cup.

“Drink your coffee boy and let's talk. The fact that we are here like this means I am right about you.... don't it boy?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Get dressed we are going to my place. You're gonna call out sick for two days first,” which I did. On the way over he also had me call you.

Sir took me to his place. I never saw the horse. I think there was more than one, I could hear them. Sir led me inside and once inside I had to strip. He had his manservant take my clothes away.

He took me down into a basement that was a regular cellar and then through a door that opened into a dungeon. I saw stuff I never dreamed of … well, some of it I saw on the internet. He picked up a cat of nine tails and told me lean across the table. I did. He... Sir hit me and I about jumped over that table. Nothing ever hurt that bad... nothing. Tar, he did things to me that hurt, degraded and humiliated me... and I liked it... Tar, I loved it. The weird thing is that though it hurt it was hurting so good I didn't want it to stop. It was as exhausting as a workout. When Sir was finished he made me leave. He told me my clothes were in my saddlebags. I walked out and there were like eight guys waiting to watch me. It was humiliating. I know they saw Sir's marks.

He wouldn't let me come back for two days. But, then he called me yesterday and told me to “get my ass over there now” and hung up. When I got there he made me go outside and leave my clothes on my bike. Then he locked the door and called the ranch hands to come look again. There were like five guys hootin an hollerin. He finally let me in and worked me over again, at some point I shot off. That was when he put this on me.”

Bill has a big cock, the biggest I have ever handled. He showed me his cock in a cage with one of those tiny little locks like kids think make something safe. I offered to get wire cutters and Bill jerked up his pants as if I were about to emasculate him. “No! If it's taken off he won’t let me play anymore. I can pee sitting down and wash it... the cage has to stay on until I learn to control myself for his pleasure.”

This was the strangest personal conversation I had ever had. I saw bruises when he opened his pants.

I said, “Bill, take your clothes off. Get naked!” I spoke firmly almost harshly. He complied. “Now turn around” again without hesitation he complied.

He had welts and bruises from his shoulders to his feet. I touched one raised welt and he trembled and a moment later said, “Ouch”

“Bill did I hurt you?” Given the condition of his back that was the stupidest question I have ever asked.

“No Tar, when you touched me it made me get hard and it hurts when I get hard in this cage.”

“Get dressed.” Then, incredulous, I asked, “Bill, do you intend to go back?”

“Yeah, but he already said we would have to play ball games and something else I got to look up, sounding, estim and parachute, until I am fully healed.”

I walked out to LBJ and brought in some ointment. “Here apply this right after you shower and if you notice any blood, give me a call.”

I told him goodbye and left. We never discussed David.

I drove to Doc's house and crashed for the night.

I would like to say that David was under a lot of stress and maybe he was reacting to that as much as to what I said... when I said what I said. I tried to sleep but it was no use. I called David.

“Hello.”

“David this is Tar. I need to talk to you tonight; I want to come back to your place.”

“Okay.”

I hurried when I could and fifteen minutes later I was knocking at his door. When he answered I pulled him into my arms before he could say come in. “I love you, David.” I kissed him with everything I had. I felt the anchor of my tongue straining to allow me to rape his tonsils. When he returned the kiss I broke it and said, “You know I do, don't you. If not, know this, tomorrow, I'll get tested. That means in thirty days I test again and then no more condoms. If you fly to Lincoln, I will follow you there in LBJ and we can bring the baby back together. When can I move in? I want to have half ownership of this house so we can split the mortgage payment. We’ll set up a budget for the household then open a joint checking account and put in equal amounts to cover the living expenses and we need to start a college fund before he hits kindergarten.” Another kiss and, “I love you, you know. I expect to love him as much as I love you. We can get a wet nurse and have one of the bedrooms done as a nursery in blue.”

David laughed. Ok, he didn't laugh, he busted a gut laughing. Well, he didn't really but if he had it would have served him right. By the time he regained his composure he once again had to wipe away tears. My face must have shown my resentment. He came and took me in his arms and said, “I'm sorry” and started to kiss me. I was about to ask for clarification when his lips met mine and I forgot....I forgot that he had more apologizing to do... for laughing at me, for laughing at my Shakespeare and for doubting my love. I forgot all that and returned his kiss.

When we broke he was smiling, brighter and warmer than ever I had seen him. It warmed my heart. “Where is your bedroom?” He led the way. “Do you have another condom?”

“Yeah, but I am a little sore. I don't think...”

Before he could finish I turned him to me kissed him deeply then grabbing his hard cock, asked, “Is this too sore?”

“Hell no! This way! Just remember you asked for it.” The warning was not lost on me.

“Hey, uh, David, I've only done this a couple of times. You seem awful eager. Can we take it slow?”

In a reassuring voice David said, “Tar, I want you to enjoy this as much as I enjoyed what you did with me. I want us to always find pleasure in each other. I will go slow and easy. You'll tell me when it is right.”

Twenty minutes later I was gasping for air. The man has magic fingers not to mention very large magic fingers. I was panting, gasping air and in between begging him to fuck me. He had started out eating my ass. That got me writhing. A finger and a tongue can wreck havoc on your nervous/pleasure receptors. I was wanting to get fucked right then. When he added the second finger and the tongue was still probing, I was sure he couldn't force his tongue inside, but he did.

I think before the third finger I was crying to get fucked. When the third finger got lubed and was inside I grabbed his forearm and was fucking myself, soon after he got the message. Strange, tongue, finger, fingers all produce a unique result when applied to an ass. A cock does more than all those combined. I loved it, he made me need it. David was a cocksman. He used that thing to make me cum without touching my cock. How do I know this? I was incoherent for a time, true, but I distinctly remember telling him I needed to cum. I grabbed my cock and the bastard pushed my hand away. Then he leaned down and kissed me as I was cussing him. He began some gyrations that had my prostate at attention. I shot between us soaking us in cum.

He wasn't through. He rolled me to my side and straddling my leg began an aggressive assault on my prostate. He pounded my ass like a WWII aerial bombardment. I came so hard the second time it hit my face. When I came he must have been ready cause he screamed and pounded my ass like a jack hammer. When he finished he collapsed on top of me, then rolled off onto his back.

When I checked the clock it had been an hour since we entered his bedroom. I had truly and thoroughly been fucked. I passed out.

The next morning I awoke in a strange bed and when I moved my ass hurt. I carefully checked for damages. Finding none, I cautiously made my way to the bathroom. After a shower I gathered my clothes from around the room and marveled at the realization that we had not been drunk. After all, who threw my underwear on top of his drapes?

I made my way to the kitchen and found a pot of coffee. I could see David outside grilling. I took my coffee and joined him. “Good morning. David how long have you been up?”

“Little over an hour. I tried to interest you in a morning blow job but you emphatically let me know you wanted to sleep.”

“I must have been exhausted. I don't remember turning down a blow job from such a handsome man before. You sure I pushed you away?

“Emphatically.”

“Is that to be one of the annoying things we learn to eventually love about each other?” I asked, hoping I was wrong.

“I can emphatically say, I never used that word twice in one week, until now.”

“Does that mean that you are annoyed with my need for sleep over a blow job?”

“Emphatically not.” He said with a devilishly handsome grin. “That is if you don't reject me when you are awake.”

“There is only one way to find out.” Fifteen minutes and two very well done steaks later, we agreed to get breakfast at Julie’s. It may be the first time in history that two restaurant patrons brought a doggy bag in with them.

Julie smiled but with tears in her eyes when she saw us. She led us to our table and left us alone.

Once our orders had been taken and we had coffee, two creams for me and black for David... easy to remember. I paid attention to what he ordered. He really likes steak and eggs and ketchup on his scrambled eggs. Ok, just not on over easy eggs. YUK!

As we satisfied our hunger, I broached an important subject... the baby. Before I could start he said, “Tar, we have to discuss us. I mean. This is the first time I have been in a relationship with a man... I mean in love. How does this work?”

I thought about what he was asking. How do two men act when they marry? “David it's just like we talked about at the restaurant last night. We decide where we will live and move in together. We figure out the individual responsibilities and we set up a joint account and agree how much we will need for household expenses and the rest. We figure it out as it comes, just as you and your wife did.”

My turn, “What arrangements have you made for the baby? Who is the pediatrician here in town? Who will be the primary caregiver? Will he/she be live in? What plans have you made for bringing the baby home? Have you set up a nursery? Clothes, bottles, blankets, etc. has all this been done? I figure I have lots of experience with babies and kids. My neighbors, nieces, nephews I had a hand in raising them all. The biggest drawback to being gay was having no children. I knew I would have at least one even if I had to get a surrogate mother. I love kids.”

David shrugged, “Mostly, I’ve just never been around them, kids I mean. An only child and no close relatives, I never babysat. As for preparations, I have a retired contractor friend of Doc's coming tomorrow to start on making the smallest guest room a nursery. Juanita has a cousin whom I have met a couple of times. She has just left an abusive relationship. She needs a place to stay and has plenty of experience with infants and small children. She has agreed to stay for six months at least.”

“Juanita is hosting a baby shower at the clinic Wednesday night. I have to be there. I want you there too. Men don't usually go, but I figure we better. I can tell you Tar, I am scared...um, not scared; nervous about bringing my son home. I want us to fly up and drive back. Do you think we could handle him or does Maria need to come with us?”

Before I could answer he continued, “I have an appointment with John Phillips, he is a pediatrician with three kids of his own, I want to know what to expect when we bring the little fellow home. Tar, I'm an only child. I've looked at babies and handled a few. I am taking a course for new parents at the hospital. I'd like you to go with me, just so we are on the same page. I can't afford to leave anything to chance or to make mistakes. He will be totally dependent on me. That is some responsibility. Frankly, it scares me! He took my hand and squeezed it. I am so glad you are going to be with me.”

After breakfast we headed for the clinic. Doc had David take the road cases and I worked at the clinic. At some point in the late morning Doc came into my office; we were between patients. “Tar, I feel like the father of the groom. I have no responsibilities except the honeymoon. I have made arrangements for you and David to be covered at work for two weeks starting the day ya'll have to leave for Lincoln. I figure you'll fly up and drive back, just to be safe. Are you taking Maria? She could be a big help. I know her Mother, Conchatta. If she cooks like her Mother, you boys'll fight to keep her. She lost her only child to heart disease. I know she has worked in daycare and babysat a lot of the local children. You'll find she has excellent credentials.

“Lucky thing for you guys that Fred is an excellent cook.” I said.

“Tar, you will learn that Fred is HIV positive. He will tell you when he has reason or if he thinks you ought to know. I'm telling you cause you have been around HIV victims and you can answer any questions or concerns David might have. I love the man and I don't want to see him hurt out of ignorance. So keep this to yourself if you don't mind.” I assured Doc I would respect his wishes and have a talk to David. It would turn out that David had known for sometime about Fred. It did not upset him that Fred and Doc were together. His reaction was straight forward, “There are extra precautions to be taken between the two of them but for us and the baby it should make no difference.”

We had found ourselves back at the boat house after work. Since LBJ had been left there, I had little choice. Dinner was a light salad. David and I made arrangements with Bill to check on the house while we were gone. We checked with the airlines and found no problem with direct flights. Maria said she would be glad to move in immediately and help arrange the nursery and wash all the new clothes. Neither of us had thought about that and figured we needed Maria here tonight. We fought the urge but called her back and asked if tomorrow was too soon to move in. She agreed.

That night was a night of exploration of each other’s bodies. Nothing was hurried and we learned what turned us on. I told him, being a bottom was never something I had given much thought to, until last night. He reminded me that he had a good time too and that would work itself out. There were no surprises, neither of us had a kink that we would admit to. We wound up sucking each other off and ended up edging until we could hold it no longer. We shot our loads on each other’s chests. We would be tested until we could be sure until then... no tasting cum or barebacking. I admitted that I had tasted Bill's cum. Time and testing will tell. Kissing was every time a marvel within itself. There must be some chemistry element to great kissers... David rang my chimes each time our lips met.

David and I agreed that we were highly compatible. We decided that to wait to move in would be to shortchange everyone. Maria and I moved in the next day. Doc got the other clinic to cover and we settled my stuff in with David’s and began our domestic tranquility.

Maria was a whirlwind. She came in and introduced herself. Before she brought anything in she insisted we have a meeting. We had to make up a contract concerning who would do what, when, including the fact that we were to notify her before four o'clock if we were to be late for dinner. The dinner hour was to be at six, which gave us time with the baby. She wrote down favorite foods and dislikes. The list seemed to go on and on. Admittedly there was nothing unusual about the list including the fact that she would take one day and one evening off. Those hours would be cumulative at her discretion. She would go to mass on those days and it would be determined week by week when she wanted off.

Before the meeting was over she asked, “Whose house is this?” We both answered, “Ours”. She nodded, “And whose home is this?” And we both answered, “Ours”... that time she shook her head and said, “This is my home and the baby's home also, so no one goes around naked or cursing and no funny business in front of me or the baby. All doors should be closed and a knock is required to enter. This is for bedrooms and bathrooms”

By the time it was over she had filled three pages of her legal tablet. I felt like I had undergone indoctrination to bootcamp. She took on the contractor and brow beat the poor man into lowering the estimate by twenty-five percent and getting a door installed between her room and the nursery. She was awesome. I called Doc and he laughed and said, “This is just like her Mother did. You can't blow her out of there now with a case of dynamite.”

Maria had driven up in an old Ford pickup with her stuff loaded in the back and David had a fit. He refused to consider the thought of his baby being driven anywhere in “a potential death trap”. We went car shopping that next weekend and bought a Volvo station wagon. Maria gave her truck to a cousin to keep for her and was thrilled to be driving a new car.

We originally planned David would fly up when Linda went into labor. Maria and I would drive up within the next few days when the baby was cleared for travel. David wanted me there with him, not only to meet our newborn son, but also his ex-wife, since we would be meeting her again from time to time. It was finally decided that one of Maria's cousins would ride with her and fly back alone. I would fly up with David. Outwardly I was appalled at the extravagance. Inwardly, I was delighted.

The nursery had been finished, everything was ready. Both David and I had a bag packed for when the call came. Tickets were purchased with an open date. When the call came it was while we were in the middle of making love. Little was I to know that moment would repeat many times over the next few years. Seven the next morning found us aboard an airplane en-route to meet our new son.

I would like to say that all went smoothly but alas it was not to be. David Timothy Jantzen was born shortly after we made it to the hospital. Linda was every bit as cool almost cold as I had imagined. The hard part came when lawyers got involved. It took almost a week before we could get an agreement that satisfied all concerned so that not only was he our son... he was our son. Meaning we both had parental rights. Linda waived those “ordinary” rights in favor of monthly visits and two weeks custody per year at her discretion. Finally we headed back to Texas. We stopped in Tulsa and got a room with two queen sized beds and Davy slept between his two dads. The first week he was in the twenty-four hour a day care of Maria. She was very protective of him. I am sure that Maria was up most of that first night to make sure we did not roll over and crush our little guy. How could we, he awakened every two hours..... Ah, the joys of parenthood.

EPILOGUE

David and I settled in and during the first three months I think we made love twice. When DJ slept through the night three nights in a row, we celebrated the fourth night with bedside champagne and started making up for lost time.

Even with Maria here, David was sure that every cry was a calamity in waiting. Linda has remarried and indicates she wants to forget about Texas, et al... ain't nobody here missing her.

My parents and David get along too good. They treat him better than me. Of course they think the sun raises and sets in DJ; they’re spoiling him rotten.

Maria is wonderful, if a little bossy. She reminds me to take David out to dinner once in a while and has taught DJ to say “dada” which he says to everyone and everything including our mixed breed, Ralph Junior. I assured David it was normal and not an insult to our parenting skills.

Fred and Doc are Godfathers, which pissed Jed off which, of course set Bill to whining so they are officially Godfathers in waiting. Jed bought DJ a pony that he is forbidden to ride until he is three...err, eight months from now. I think Jed is buttering me up because he occasionally lets me ride Bach. He's afraid we'll change our minds.

Maria has found a beau, Ted, and will be moving out soon. It seemed complicated at first with him being a trooper, but it turns out he's cool knowing about Bill. He thinks Bill is a good cop and, “most of the guys would have no problem with him smoking dick”.

Doc has retired and he and Fred spend a lot of time on the coast, at Galveston, with their friends Wylie and…oh I forget his name. Maybe we'll take DJ to see the ocean and drop in.

David is adamant about a second child. He doesn't want DJ growing up an only child, like he did. In a couple of years we may look for a surrogate mother or adopt... in Texas? Yeah, right.

Later Cowboy....

Oh, and Julie; she and Harry have moved to Chicago to open up a Karaoki Bar-Bee-Que joint and raise Great Danes. She told me “Things are too boring now that you are here” whatever that means. Remember Julie’s dog Bruno was kept overnight at the Kennel...seems he fell in lust with a Cocker Spaniel named Chester. They may have a challenge getting him to breed....