Memories... Yaadein - 1. Memories 1

Karan leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes. The sun streamed through the window and made it almost impossible to look out the window. He was tired, emotionally drained. Too many things had happened which left him gasping for breath. He was still reeling by its impact. And now as he tried to calm down, 30,000 feet above ground, scenes came flashing back like a kaleidoscope. Its then he realized, it would be a very long journey for him.

It was only 3 years but felt like a light year ago. He was on his way to his friend’s wedding. From Bombay, Karan went with 3 other friends to Delhi. From Delhi they had planned to take a cab to Dehra Dun where his childhood friend was getting married. He decided to go on the last minute.

“Shit, we are late. Those guys must have come and must be waiting for ages now. Whose idea was it anyway? They should have gone on their own.” Karan was ever grumbling.

“Stop bitching and get into the train, will you?” Chander growled.

Deepak was just barely able to suppress his chuckle. Karan could not wait to meet the other guys in New Delhi station. They were his childhood friends from Kolkata. He had moved to Bombay 4 years back for job. It was his first friend’s wedding. He was excited. They were in Nizamuddin and had taken the local train to New Delhi where they would meet the other guys who had arrived from Kolkata and then all together they would go to Derha Dun.

Once in New Delhi , there was total pandemonium. The group could not be located. Karan’s cell phone had run out of balance. “But I still have reception,” he said indignantly.

“What purpose would it solve? You can’t make or receive calls. You can only receive sms. Very helpful!” Chander snapped.

Chander messaged Soumya who gave a rough idea where they were. The October sun was beating down in full force. They dragged their luggage out of the platform and suddenly Deepak caught a hand waving frantically. Then from the sea of crowd Soumya’s face emerged. Sweat dripping off his forehead, his shirt clung to his body; he was a sight to behold. He looked as if he was holding on to the last shred of patience. And when his eyes finally fell on the group, a smile spread over his lips.

“Where are the other guys?” Chander asked, once the initial greetings were over.

“In front of the ticket counter, over there. Come on. We had been waiting for ever. Our train came at 10:05 and see what time it is now? Bloody 12:30. We are starving.” Soumya said good humourly.

They all dragged their luggage out of the platform and Karan caught sight of Tushar and Raunak leaning against the pillar looking so tired and bored. Karan actually felt a bit sorry for them.

“You jerks. What were you thinking while making this plan? We almost melted here and we are starving.” Tushar barked, but his good humour was not well camouflaged.

They all started laughing and hugged each other and everyone wanted to talk at the same time. After the initial greetings, Deepak went off to change his ticket as he would not be going back to Bombay with the rest. He planned to stay in Delhi with his sister and go back after 10 days. There was a mammoth line up. The rest of the gang waited.

It was almost an hour they were standing and chatting while waiting for Deepak to come back when Karan suggested,” Why can’t we go and order lunch and by the time we start Deepak would come. There is no point in wasting time.”

Everyone agreed and trudged out of the station and walked into a road side dhaba, glad to be out of the sun and under a fan. They ordered lunch and while they were half way through, Deepak came in. By the time lunch was over, it was 3:30. Now they had to find where they could get a bus or cab to Derha Dun. Asking quite a few people around, they piled into two Autos and headed towards the bus terminal. All had come to Delhi for the first time.

Karan never wanted to come to Delhi . This place never appealed to him, ever. As he looked out of the Auto at the huge dusty roads zipping past under the wheels, he got lost in his own thoughts. He saw everything, but not much registered in his head. The Red Fort, it’s never ending wall, but he was not fascinated. Suddenly he realized the Auto going inside a very crowded place and coming to a screeching halt; and wondered where. He soon realized that it was the bus terminal as Chander nudged him to get out of the Auto. They got the tickets and located the bus. The bus was a disaster, was an under statement. Karan looked at the condition of the bus in dismay and dreaded the long 8 hours journey that waited in that tin box. The bus was empty except for the 5 friends. There was still time for the bus to leave, so Karan got down again, but not before securing the very first seat behind the driver (ofcourse the window seat) with a newspaper, to have a cigarette. Then when Karan again boarded the bus, Karan saw a guy sitting on the same seat as his but had taken the isle seat and left his seat as it was. Karan shot a disgusted glance at him and turned round to face Deepak.

“Yah I had a fight with him just now.” said Deepak. Lucky that in Delhi they do not understand their mother tongue.

“What happened?” Karan’s disgust was mounting by the minute.

“The moron came and put his luggage on top of ours. And when I asked him to remove it, he was acting funny. I gave him a piece of my mind.” Deepak’s eyes were glowing.

As it is, seeing a stranger sitting beside him had irritated Karan no end and now hearing this, he was all the more disgusted with this guy. With a loud thud Karan sat on his seat, giving out the signal loud and clear that he was not at all pleased with this guy sitting beside me.

The bus left the terminal just at 4 and the guys all settled down. They were all joking around and shouting and laughing as if they owned the bus. After the first 10, 15 minutes Karan stole a glance at this guy sitting next to him. That was the first time he ever took a close look at him. To his surprise, Karan found him quite decent and there was something in his face that tugged at his heart. A subtle sadness, strength, sweetness and
maturity all put together which intrigued him. Something urged him to speak to this guy even if it is just a simple thing. He wanted to hear his voice. Trying frantically to think of something plausible to talk about but he was stumped.

“Do you have signal in your cell?” Karan blurted out and felt like kicking himself for being so stupid.

The guy said,” Yes I do.”

Then once the ice was broken, Karan and the guy started small talks where Karan told him, they were going to their friend’s marriage and how they had met at New Delhi station and got delayed and had planned to go by car but was very late and last moment decision was to go by bus. By this time Karan was sprawled on his seat with his legs stretched out on the metal railing that separated the driver’s seat from theirs. The guy turned out to be very soft spoken and reserved. The more Karan spoke to him, the more he felt himself getting attracted to him. He wanted to know him, feel him, smell him and wanted to hug him and put his head on his shoulder. Something was happening to him he could not fathom. By this time it was dark inside the bus. Karan pretended to doze off and so very slowly he leaned his head on this guys shoulder. First it was barely touching him. It took him almost 20 mins to properly put his head on his shoulder. And he waited with bated breath for his reaction. He was sure the guy would remove his shoulder away or ask him to move away. But to his surprise the guy put his head on Karan’s and they both dozed off. Or that’s what each one of them tried to make the other believe. Karan was in heaven being in contact with him. He could not believe that he was actually resting his head on the guy’s shoulder and he on his. Even in his slumber Karan could smell him and feel his body heat and he was melting and dying to hug him. Then they both woke up. Karan could feel that the guy was awake. The guy also probably realized that Karan was no longer sleeping but they both stayed the way they were. The jerk of the bus made Karan’s toes touch this guy’s toes, as he also had his legs up on the rod. Karan half expected him to move his legs away but he did not. Karan, very subtly started rubbing their toes together. He was in shock. He couldn't believe that this was happening. But he went no further. He was happy and content with only that. He did try to take his hands towards his crotch, but somehow he could not do it. There was no resistance from the guy’s side, but Karan just could not go ahead and dragged his hand back across his thigh. He could not understand what was happening to him. Here was this guy, whom he liked and he apparently is quite o.k. with being sexual but he just wanted to lay there with his head on his shoulder and wanted nothing else.

After that there was a halt for 30 mins at a roadside restaurant. Karan deliberately avoided each other as he was with his group.

“What were you two doing, sitting in the front seat? You guys looked like a gay couple.” Tushar chuckled and the rest of the group nodded their heads.

Karan was embarrassed but didn’t know what to say, so just smiled.

Once back in the bus Karan asked him, “What’s your name?” realising that they still haven’t introduced themselves.

“Rudra”, he whispered. And Karan immediately fell in love with the name. It suited him so well.

He said that this was the first time he was going to Derha Dun by bus. He always goes by train. That day he missed the train by 2 mins. He was basically from Derha Dun but worked in Delhi. It looked as though they were destined to meet.

Surprisingly, Karan couldn’t understand why he did not want to hold back anything from him.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Rudra asked.

“I don't have any, and I never plan to get married.” Karan said before he could stop himself.
“Oh, o.k. I have a girl friend.” Rudra said in a matter of fact way.
Rudra whispered, “I hope you are not taking me wrong?"

Karan didn’t know what to say,” No of course not.”

“Umm.. have you ever had sex with a girl?” Rudra was barely audible.

Karan once again could not lie, “No, never.”

Rudra looked at Karan for a long time and then whispered, “In life there are people with whom you spend 8 years and still cannot be close enough to ask such personal things and there are people you get close in 8 hours and do not even think twice asking these things and not feel awkward. It feels like I have known you for ever.”

Karan was zapped. He looked into Rudra’s eyes and felt himself sinking in the depth of his gaze. Rudra was not Karan’s ideal man. Rudra had all the things Karan would never have wanted in his boyfriend or a partner. But apparently it was not playing a role in this.

“If you ever come to Delhi, you can always stay at my house.” Rudra had an inviting smile.

“And if you ever happen to be in Bombay, do not worry about accommodation. My door would always be open for you. But I do not think I would ever come to Delhi again. My job does not bring me to Delhi and apparently your job does not take you to Bombay. But yes. If either of us happens to be in the other’s city, we will stay at each other’s house.” While Karan said this, he held on to their gaze for a long time.

Soon it was time for Karan to get off the bus. All the friends stumbled out of the bus and Karan turned back to catch a final glimpse of Rudra. To his surprise, he saw Rudra looking out of the window on the other side. Karan waited for him to turn but the bus pulled out slowly and Rudra never turned.

And Karan hauled his luggage and slowly started following his friends knowing Rudra and he will never meet.

cont.....