Memories... Yaadein - 2. Memories 2

Few yards away… there was Rajesh, Karan’s friend’s younger brother. He had come to receive the group.

Karan was apprehensive of meeting Rajesh again. But then it has been 4 years they had broken off. One of the reasons, why Karan had left Kolkata and came to Bombay. A city where he knew no one; wasn’t sure what he wanted out of life at that point of time. Only thing he wanted was to go out of Rajesh’s life and put an end to the 6 years of relationship. Later, on many occasions Karan had pondered on their relation and gradually he came to the conclusion that his relationship with Rajesh was more of lust than of love. They got together when Karan was 16 and Rajesh was 14. What did they know about love and relationship at that age? Practically nothing. Only thing that held them together was the very fact that two young guys within the same friend circle, share the same interest and obviously they liked each other. This relationship was something new for them and like the forbidden fruit, they were intrigued by it and their days and nights were full of sex, sex and more sex. But gradually Karan started realizing that Rajesh doesn’t love him. He just loves the sex. And Rajesh being the typical sporty guy, could not digest the fact that he was gay and was in constant denial. Wanted a girl friend to show the rest of the world and in bed wanted Karan. This is something Karan could not handle any more. And he thought.. as long as he would be there in Rajesh’s life, he would not be able to control himself from having sex with him, and Rajesh needs time to figure out what he wants. If he can lead a normal straight life, then the last thing Karan wanted was to be a hindrance to that. Because he knew, if they keep seeing each other, then Rajesh would end up between his bedsheets every night. Karan liked Rajesh too much to be selfish. So he chose to move out of his life for his sake. Karan definitely liked Rajesh more than Rajesh liked him. It was an infatuation, but still a form of love none the less.

“You o.k.?”, Karan jumped with a start, to see Chander looking at him quizzically. Karan just nodded and forced a smile. And then he saw Rajesh. Their eyes locked for a few seconds and they both looked away. When they finally faced each other, he realized that everything was over between them. There were no knots in his stomach, no apprehensions, and no excitements. It was as if meeting a normal friend. That definitely made things easy. They started exchanging pleasantries as they walked down the hotel lobby.

They had two rooms booked in the hotel. One was a large room with three beds and the other room had a queen bed. The team was tired and hungry. Rajesh had made arrangements for food which he had bought and kept in the room already and had arranged for drinks. So once freshening up, everyone sat down to relax with a glass of vodka, whisky, rum; whatever one preferred. Everyone was excited and talking nineteen to the dozen but Karan was quiet. He stared around the room, saw all his friends laughing and talking and he could not figure out why he couldn’t be happy too. What was bothering him? He always wanted to attend his friend’s wedding, specifically the first guy among the group who would get married. Here he is now, but something was not right, somewhere. He felt so stupid. He could not take it any longer, so he quietly took his glass of whisky which he had not even touched and went out at the balcony and closed the door behind him.

It was a clear night, the breeze was a bit chilly but refreshing. All was so quiet. He stared in front of him and saw the hill studded with silver and golden lights as if someone had scattered gold and silver everywhere. They shone so bright. He stared at the beauty for a long time and as the truth dawned on him slowly, his gaze became hard and cold. He shifted his gaze up towards the sky. The stars twinkled everywhere. It seemed to Karan, as if they were chuckling and mocking him. He felt his anger boiling within him. And at the same time, he felt so horribly helpless. His lips started quivering and then he could not control it any more.

“Why did you do this?” Karan spat out, still looking up at the sky. Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks by then and he was trembling. Not with the chill but with his anger. “I am screwed. Why did you make me fall in love with a guy I will never ever meet again in my life? What do you want from me? How could you do this?” He didn’t know what to do. So many questions and there were no answers. The more he tried to reason it out and suppress his tears, the more they welled up and caught at his throat. He had accused God before when he had made the decision to walk out of Rajesh’s life. After 4 years he was again accusing Him. The thing that tore at his heart was that he was so helpless. He was not interested in a relationship. He was quite happy the way he was. And now he has fallen in love with a guy he would never ever meet in this lifetime. He doesn’t even know whether Rudra was gay or straight.

“What are you doing here?”

Karan spun round and saw Soumya and Chander standing at the door.

“It’s a beautiful night. I like the quietness. I was about to come in.” Karan quickly turned away to face the hill, afraid they would see his tears. But it was too dark for that.

“Come on in then. We are all waiting.” And with that they went in.

Karan wiped his tears. Took a deep breath and gulped down the remaining of his whisky and walked into the room. Chander looked in Karan’s eyes and somehow realized that something was not right and he was damn sure Karan was crying. But he knew better and did not say anything.

“Its getting late and we need to get up early in the morning for Haldi. And I am too tired. Let’s go to bed.” Tushar finally said yawning.

Everyone agreed and went on to finish their individual drinks.

‘Aunty has told me to tell you a few things.’ Rajesh was looking straight at Karan.

‘Who? My mother?’ Karan was surprised. ‘What is it?’

‘Oh, a lot of things. Let’s go to the other room. Let them sleep here. We can talk there without disturbing them.’ Rajesh’s intention was not clear but Karan was too tired and did not want to argue although he knew that everything Rajesh said was a pack of lies. Maybe somewhere he even knew why Rajesh came up with this story.

The long journey and the emotional strain along with the drinks were having an effect on Karan. He stumbled across the room, opened the door and walked out. When he came in front of the other room, he realized the door was locked and so leaned against the wall and waited in the dark for Rajesh to come with the keys and open the door.

Once inside the room, he became aware of Rajesh’s intentions.

They were both sitting on the bed facing each other,’ What is it that you had to tell me?’

‘Nothing. I just wanted to be with you to night.’

Saying this Rajesh came closer and placed his lips on Karan’s. Karan did not react. Rajesh might as well have been kissing a dummy. There was no spark and no passion. Karan slowly lay on the bed with Rajesh on top of him. Rajesh nuzzled around his neck and kissed him there. Karan could feel his lips trailing down his throat to his chest and stop on his nipples. First the left and then the right. Rajesh licked them, bit them and then slowly continued his journey down. Karan let him do whatever he wanted to do with his body. Karan flipped over and lay on his stomach at the urge of Rajesh and after a few seconds he felt Rajesh enter him. He laid still and before Rajesh was through, Karan was fast asleep. He had never ever had such a horrible sex in his entire life. It seemed as if, this disastrous night with Rajesh, was a sign that everything was over between them. Not only emotional, there was nothing even physical left between them. This was one chapter which was over and done with.

Karan woke up groggy eyed at the sound of the pounding on the door. It was Deepak. Karan put on his shorts and opened the door and then realized the blunder he made, but it was too late and Deepak had already walked past him and was standing in the middle of the room.

‘Wake him up. He is wanted at his house.’ Deepak sat on the couch and waited for Karan to act.

Karan stood paralyzed at the door. He did not know what to do. He knew, he could not wake up Rajesh for he was damn sure, Rajesh was naked. And Rajesh would not be able to wear his shorts as long as Deepak is in the room and so cannot get out of bed. Then another thought struck him. He frantically looked around the room to see where his shorts were. Finally he spotted them peeking from under the blanket. He heaved a sigh of relief. At least Deepak would not be able to see that. Just then Karan heard Chander shouting for them. Karan took the opportunity and asked Deepak to go and tell Chander that they would be ready in a minute. Deepak gave a very questioning look and walked out of the room. The moment he was out, Karan jumped up and locked the door and went to wake Rajesh up. To his surprise he saw Rajesh was already awake and smiling at him.

‘That was neat. You were scared to death, weren’t you?’

Karan did not know what to say and shot a very disgusted look at Rajesh but finally could not control and burst out laughing.