Memories... Yaadein - 4. Memories 4

It was a never ending journey back home. The train rattled incessantly and Karan lay back on his bunk and stared up at the concave ceiling of the train. He tried to reason what happened in the last two days. He was almost scared. He had a knot in his stomach, like he generally gets when he dreads something. Nothing made sense to him. The more the train took the group away from Delhi, the more Karan felt himself close to the place. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. But the only thing he saw was Rudra’s face. He opened his eyes just to see his face again. Nothing was working. All he could see was his face, smell his smell…when they were snuggling in the bus, feel his body heat, here his baritone voice ringing in his ears… and all he wanted was to run back and take him in arms and hold him forever.

He could hear his friends talking and laughing below. But they seemed so distant as if from a different planet. He still found it hard to believe that 5 guys came to attend a friend’s wedding… 4 of them were going back as they had come and one guy’s life changed forever. It was absurd but true. Karan was quiet the entire journey and the next morning he woke up with groggy eyes. He did not get proper sleep the entire night.

He walked into an empty house and felt dreadful. But he knew he had to put his acts together. Rudra cannot be his…and he needed to reconcile with that fact. Sooner, the better for him. Days passed by.. he did not call Rudra nor did he e-mail him. He knew that there was no point. But he even knew this that he would always love him and no other guy would ever be able to take his place. That was not a very comforting thought for him. But he tried to make peace with it.

He was nominated as the best employee of the year, in his office. He was happy but with each passing day, he could concentrate less and less in his work. He knew that his work was getting affected but he had no idea what he could do to make it happen otherwise. His days and nights were still occupied by Rudra and he was all that Karan could think of. October rolled into November. Things did not change.

“Are you serious?” Karan had stopped dead in his living room, with the cell phone in his hand. He had a call from his Dad, and there was sheer disbelief etched on his face.

His family had never gone out on a vacation together since he was 10. His Dad had bought a package from Mahindra’s time share and here he was now telling Karan that they were all planning to go for a vacation together in December; his parents, and his second sister. “Do you think you can take 15 days leave from your office? We are planning our trip around mid December. Dehra Dun and Mussourie would be nice at that time. And if we are lucky enough, we would be able to see the snow,” his Dad was telling him.

They all loved the snow but they have never seen it. This would be a good chance. But that was not what Karan was thinking. He found it hard to believe that if they really went on this vacation, Delhi would have to be their base and he would be able to meet Rudra again. There was no hope of meeting him ever, 5 mins back. But now here he was making plans to go to Derha Dun Mussourie in December.

“Hello? You still there?” his dad was asking.

Karan jolted back to reality. “Yes, I think so. I will talk to my boss and let you know tonight.” he mumbled, still unable to believe what he had just heard.

That night he called his parents to confirm his vacation from 5^th December to the 18^th. But there was some change in plans. His parents could not find any reservation in Mussourie and they even felt that Karan might not want to go there as he had just been there a month back. So now they were considering Manali. Karan did not care. Because even for Manali, they still would have to go to Delhi and from there they would go further north. He was ecstatic. He planned to go to Kolkata on the 6^th as his friend Soumya was getting married and on the 8^th they would all leave.

“We would take the train back to Kolkata on the 16^th and you to Bombay.” His Dad told him.

“Wait till I tell you to buy the tickets. I have a friend in Delhi. And I do not have to join back till 18^th. I might stay with him the 16^th night and take the train on the 17^th. I will e-mail him and see what he has to say and confirm to with you tomorrow.” Karan told him.

The next day Karan wrote a mail to Rudra.

Hi Rudra
I wanted to ask you something and I want the answer as soon as possible. If you have any problem, then please don’t hesitate to tell me.
My family and I, are going to MANALI in December. We will reach MANALI on the 12th. My Family will go back to Calcutta on the 16th.I will come back to Bombay. I was planning to spend 16th in
Delhi. I can only do it if you tell me whether I can spend 16th at your place. If it is not possible then I will take a train on 16th and come back. Please let me know so that I can make the arrangements accordingly.
Even if I cannot stay with you, I will try to meet you when I am in Delhi. Ofcourse, only if you want to.
Will be waiting for your mail.
Bye and take care
Love
Karan

He checked his inbox one hundred times to see if Rudra had answered back or not, although he knew, the earliest he could get an answer would be the next day. The day dragged on. Karan checked one last time before he left his office that night. But still there were no mails from Rudra. He had a very fretful night. He dreamed of mountains and blizzard and saw himself standing in a platform and waiting for someone who never arrived and he almost missed his train. When the alarm went off, he was still groggy and felt sick. He shaved and dressed and went to office. The first thing he did was open his inbox and there it was. His heart almost stopped. He slowly clicked on Rudra’s mail and held his breath as the mail unfolded.

Hi Karan,

It’s so nice to get your e-mail. I am amazed at this very strange situation. You will be surprised to know that I am in Imphal, Manipur these days for my shoot. Another strange thing is that I might be in Mumbai from 14th to 19th. What I was planning was to meet u and give u a surprise in Mumbai but instead u gave me the surprise. Anyway, we will see how the things (emotions) can be handled. Call me today or whenever u read this mail by 9PM if possible. I will talk to u on my mobile…. though the network here is very very poor , but still hope to contact you.

lots of love and take care !

Rudra

Karan sat stupefied in front of his computer. Then slowly read the mail over. He didn’t know whether he should be happy or sad. But Rudra had asked him to call at 9. He would get to hear his voice again. He looked at his watch. It was 10 in the morning. He knew it would be a horribly long wait. The day dragged on. It seemed to Karan, the day was going painfully slow. He could not wait to get out of his office. As it is, since he had come back from Derha Dun a month back, he had been very absentminded and had been pulled up for his lack of interest and goof ups he did at work. His boss was not pleased. But he knew something was wrong somewhere. He had seen Karan work before and he knew that he was a good worker. But he never asked him and hoped whatever was bothering him, would be sorted out and he would get back to his original self. He was ready to give Karan a chance. Karan left office at 7 and went home. He was getting increasingly impatient. Once home he took a shower and started to pace the floor. It seemed to him that the wait was unending and he was at his wits end. Finally, which seemed like an eternity, it was 8:45 and Karan went out to call Rudra.