Poetry - 2. Poem 2

Lovely! your sky analogy reminds of a Tanka about a bowl I will have to go and find. Thank you for sharing 

Loved it. The last line is exquisite.   Cheers... Gary....

This one  I think you will appreciate how similar the sentiment and analogies are  

6 hours ago, AC Benus said:

This one  I think you will appreciate how similar the sentiment and analogies are  

 

 

 

         "Hello, all! I worked on translating a Tanka by Ōgai Mori this afternoon. Do you think my version makes for a compelling poem...? I'm hoping it does, but I'm not so sure.

Let poetry be

Like a crystal bowl of ice;

Allow it to seem

Inviting and transparent,

With no spots of doubt showing.  " 

- I like this AC. where it should be inviting and transparent is really meaningful to me.  I get stuck in poems where everything is so clouded in metaphor and "poetic language" that it seems heavy. 

And sure making room to leave  certain meanings up to the reader is good and a hallmark of poetry.  But perhaps you've come across poetry where the meaning seems buried so deep you would need a shovel and strong back to find it.  

6 hours ago, Headstall said:

Loved it. The last line is exquisite.   Cheers... Gary....

Thanks Gary. 

I was trying to convey how fresh and new the relationship was, without either person having to say so. I was pretty happy making the idea of "yesterday" taking the blame for saying what I needed to say. 

I really like this poem. It conveys so much in its images and associations that the finale sneaks up on the reader. Wonderfully done.