A Second Chance - 9. Chapter 9

Charles…

I thought…

Why did he do that? My god I am old enough to be his dad and what would his parents think, his dad already hates me for what James and I had become. Just looking into JC's eyes I could see he was scared to death of what he just did, or was he scared of my rejection? My god my guts were tied in a million knots. I said to myself, “Speak to him, now before he turns and runs off, I know he is embarrassed,” I could see it in his face. He was turning a bright shade of red. My face felt flush, just knowing we were twins in that department.

"I can’t hate you JC, how could you even think that, but I don’t think we can be together, like this, oh shit, how do I explained to you how I'm feeling," I looked for a table to sit at, saying, "let’s go over there and sit down."

As we moved to the table, JC spoke, "Be together like what? For god’s sakes Charlie, I love you."

JC thinks… How do I make him understand?

Charles... We sat down, and I tried to explain, saying. "JC, your dad already hates me for what happened between me and James, now you want me to take his kid, and turn him into a faggot, you know that's what he would say, my god that's not what I want, for us." God help me make him understand please.

JC… "I don't give a shit what my asshole dad thinks any more, and my.... " I stopped fighting back tears, trying to hide them from Charlie.

Charles… "Now JC you don't mean that about your dad, remember he is your dad." By then he was crying again. Looking into my eyes like a little kid, looking for comfort. "What's wrong JC, why are you crying, is it something I said?" God I don't want to hurt him any more.

JC… "It's nothing you said, except that you don't love me. My parents as you call them, it’s only that asshole that claims to be my dad, now. As far as I care, he can crawl into a rat hole somewhere and die." I have to find a way to make him love me. That was all I could think.

Charles… "I’m so sorry, JC, it's not that I don't love you, I do, but you could be my son, I'm over 30 years your senior, think about that, by the time you are 50, I would be over 80 or gone. What kind of a partner would I be leaving you alone again?"

Oh god, I thought, how insensitive was I forgetting he just told me his mother was no longer with him. Speaking again, "Oh my god, JC I am so sorry, what happened to your mother?" Hoping he would forgive me

JC… "She died about six months ago," fighting back tears

Charles… "Of what?' Oh my lord this poor boy.

JC… "Breast Cancer, and my asshole father would not let me attend the funeral. I had to watch it from outside the Cemetery."

Charlie... "For Christ sake what did you do to deserve that?" How cruel could any father be, keeping a son from his mother's funeral? I shook my head in disbelief.

Carl seeing we were not returning to the car, walked up the trail. I saw him coming and I motioned for him to stay in the car. I opened my cell phone and called him. I told him that we would be a little while yet, and that some very personal matters were being discussed. He understood and waited in the car.

JC... "Charlie, I don't like talking about that, please don't ask me now, I need time and some space to work us out. Please?"

"Ok JC, I don't want you doing anything you don't feel comfortable with."

JC... "Why are you fighting me over us then? You did say you loved me! So why are you doing this to me?" He Looked upset and disappointed.

"JC I'm not fighting you, please let’s just slow down a bit, please? My god I think, hell I know, I'm falling in love with you too, but I have to think about your future as well, if I were only 15 years younger, I would ravage your body right here and now," I tried to laugh at that statement. "But please JC lets slow down for now, please, can we wait until after dinner tonight to continue this discussion?" Please say yes, I need to think about us, I wished I had a crystal ball to gaze into. I was hoping for an answer there.

"Charlie let me worry about my own future, sorry that was to harsh, but please, if you truly love me then don't let anything get in the way of our happiness. I will honor your wishes, with your assurance that we can continue this discussion tonight. Because this is far from settled, unless you close the door on us." Now I felt like crap, almost like I had just come down with the flu bug. All my muscles were weak and my head hurt.

"Let's go back to the ranch for dinner, it is getting late and Carl has already been up here once trying to tell us that."

"Really, I didn't see him," with a questioning look on my face.

"Not long ago, when I used the cell phone, I told him we needed some space for a bit."

We both got up and walked back to the car, each getting in on opposite sides.

Carl spoke saying, "Welcome back you two, thought I was going to have to get a tent for you to sleep in tonight." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood, which was very evidently, depressing. "Oh yes and Clyde called to let you know that UPS had come and all of that shipment was put away." Knowing Charlie would understand that message.

"Thank you Carl. Now can you get us back to the ranch Please?" Uneasy about what had just happened I lay back resting my head looking over at JC, wondering what he was thinking. He was extremely quiet looking like a scolded puppy.

"Cheer up JC, all is not lost, remember that." reaching over to hold his hand, he started to pull it back then stopped.

"Sorry Charlie, I was out of line."

Now why did I do that, he was just trying to be friendly, but I don't want friendly, I want his love forever.

"No you weren't!"

Now I have hurt is feelings, now I'm the asshole, stop it, now, stop it. Cool off I kept telling myself.

We were getting close to the ranch, and Carl said, "Will you need me any more tonight?"

"JC, do you want to go out anywhere tonight?" Just making sure if he wanted to or not.

"NO!"

"I guess not Carl, just come out in the morning about the same time as you did today, and if something comes up I can always call you." I thought, I really have hurt his feeling now. I'd never heard him that sharp before.

"Ok Charlie, I will be on call." I glanced in the rear view mirror at Charlie, and he returned the glance with a look of desperation. I wished there was something I could do. Knowing there was nothing, only they could solve their own problems.

We arrived at the house. Carl got out and opened the door for JC, and then came round an opened mine. We both said goodnight to Carl. Then he got back into the car and drove off. Both of us just stood there on the front porch not wanting to look directly into the others eyes. Then I broke the silence saying, "JC we need to talk more, and we need to be open minded about what the other has to say, please. I have been too quick to judge, and you have been too quick to condemn." God I hope that came out right.

"Ok Charles. Let’s just go in and have a nice meal, and see where that takes us." I am thinking maybe he really doesn’t love me, or could it be I look too much like James. What ever the reason or reasons, I guess it's time I quit trying...

I opened the door and what a wonderful smell, you would have thought you were in Italy, the aroma of garlic, and bread toasting, made my mouth water. I said, "Hello Clyde, it smells as if you just brought Italy to the Lazy L." I smiled at him.

"Well I hope you two enjoy the Lasagna L'Clyde, with Caesar salad, and some Minestrone Soup and for dessert, Mincemeat Pie or Apple Pie your choice. I made both just in case JC didn't like the Mincemeat Pie." I smiled at JC. I wondered why the gloomy looks on their faces. "You two have a tiff, or something, maybe you two need the wine before dinner."

Charles…

I spoke, "Wine would be nice Clyde, just bring a couple of glasses into the living room please." I looked at JC saying, "Would you join me please?"

JC walked into the living room and sat in one of the recliners, while I walked into the kitchen to speak with Clyde. Clyde told me that all the clothes had arrived and were in the guest room put away, and all the tags, etc were removed. Also there were no alterations that were needed so the complete order was there in the room. Then Clyde told me he was leaving for the night.

Clyde walked to the front room and spoke saying... "You two enjoy the meal, and just leave the mess in the sink for me in the morning. See you two tomorrow." Then he left the house.

I walked back into the living room and said, "JC you ready for dinner?"

"Sure, I'm starved and that smell is not making it any easier." I smiled at Charlie, no not a forced smile, I was hungry and the smell was driving my taste buds into anticipation.

"Ok I will go get dinner on the table," I turned to go back into the kitchen, when I noticed JC following me.

"I can help too!" I was Feeling somewhat better now that we both had a chance to unwind.

We both worked at getting the food out, which was not a big job, seeing that Clyde had everything already dished up and in the warming oven, and the salad was in the refrigerator, so we sat down to eat, not saying much, too busy eating. When it was time for dessert, we both cleared off the table and stacked the dishes by the sink. Each of us took a nice slice of Mincemeat Pie, and went into the living room for our agreed chat.

I spoke first asking an important question. "I would like to know JC, why your dad would not let you attend your mother's funeral, if that's to personal, I won't push the issue. I just think is unforgiving of a father doing that to his son." I said as I looked into his eyes for some indication of how he felt.

JC looked at me and then took a bite of pie. Pausing for a few seconds with a resolved expression on his face, then said, "Charlie it hurts to talk about this, but I don't want any secrets between us, so I will tell you, but I will never tell this story again to anyone."

"Ok I understand."

"When I was in High School, during spring break my senior year; a close friend was spending the weekend in our place. Well, my room had twin beds so it was not uncommon for him to spend the night. We had stayed at each other’s homes on several occasions, and on several occasions we had gay sex. Yes he was gay and so am I; in fact we discovered our sexuality togather.

"Oh I suspected, but didn't know." I smiled at him

"Well that Saturday night for some reason my father decided to walk in without knocking. He found us naked together in a 69 position. He immediately yanked me off the bed slapping me, kicking me, and screaming at Billy, Calling him a dirty rotten faggot, accusing him of turning me into a queer.

"What an asshole!" I was shaking my head in disbelief.

"Poor Billy was trying his best to get his clothes on and was being verbally abused by my so-called father. By the time Billy got dressed I had been slapped kicked, and punched in the mouth. My mother tried to stop him, and he just cursed her out.

"Oh my god!"

"Then he told me to get my queer ass out of his fucking house. He said, that I was no better then James, and his queer lover.

"I knew he felt that way about James and me."

"Then told me that I was no longer his son and he never wanted to see me again, so I got dressed grabbed what I could stuff in a paper bag and left the house with Billy.

"What happened?"

" Well by the time we got to Billy's house, My father had called Billy's parents, telling them that he kicked me and there faggot son out of his home and never wanted to see either of us again.

"Billy's parents! Oh shit what happened?"

"Billy's parents were more accepting of the fact that their son was gay. They told us they suspected for a few years that Billy was gay; and they suspected I was too, because we were together a lot.

"It's funny how it seems one set of parents except the facts, and the other set is split." I was thinking; what a horrible story. I asked him to tell it.

"True, I was allowed by Billy's parents to stay at his house for the rest of the weekend, of course not in the same room.

"Ok so you had a place to stay then?"

"Yes and no, Yes I had a place to stay, and No because Billy was upset with me now as well. And that hurt me terribly.

"Oh no."

"Then on Sunday Billy's folks and my mom got together and worked out some kind of an arrangement. To this day I don't know exactly what it was. The only thing was I was able to stay at their house and finish the school year.

"So he lived up to his word, and kicked you out, what a fucking asshole." My heart was aching for JC.

"Well Billy grew to hate me over this, accusing me of not locking the damn door, of course the door had no lock in the first place, but he just refused to understand.

"My God, I can understand your feeling now.” How devastating to a young man that must've been.

"So that's what happened, and that's why I call him and asshole to this day, I will never speak to him again. I have no idea where he's living, and I really don't give a shit either.

"What happened after you graduated from high school?" Poor JC had no one. I wish I had known.

"At the end of the school year I struck out on my own I thought of coming to you but I had no idea, how you would feel about having a teenaged queer hanging around, and I heard from mother that James was killed.

"My God why didn't you? I would have welcomed you with open arms... I am so sorry for you JC.

"Well Charlie, I wish I had known that back then, but that’s why I was not allowed to attend the funeral."

I had just listened to his story, still in disbelief, how any human being could treat his own flesh and blood like that was unthinkable to me. His father had to be a monster. My heart was swelling for what JC had endured over the years. I thought for a minute or so then I said, "My God how could an animal like that be allowed to have offspring? JC, I totally understand your feelings. When your father lived in Casper he treated me like crap, after he found out that James and I were romantically involved. James grew to hate him, for the way he treated me, your grandparents tried so hard to make things work, with no success. The hatred started then, and I'm afraid he took it all out on you. All I can really say is I'm sorry you had to endure what you did."

"It’s not your fault, Charlie; there is only one person to blame, and that's 'David' and he is not my father, and never will be my father."

"JC I know I asked you to tell that story, I am so sorry for opening old wounds." with a look of sympathy in my eyes

"It's ok, you needed to hear it. Now maybe we will find a way to love each other, god I hope so."

"Well I am still sorry about the way this day has been going. It seems there has been a lot of built up stress, and it's all coming out in a flood."

"Charlie I can handle the stress, I can't handle you not letting me love you." My eyes were glazing with tears

"I'm not saying you can't love me JC, my god I was about ready to jack off last night thinking about you, after seeing you in those jockey's, but that's an old man trying to satisfy himself." This is not working, why.... I love him but do I take the chance.

"You were only ready to do it. My god those groans you heard last night were me doing it. All the time thinking of only you, Charlie there has never been another man in my life since Billy. That's right since Billy. I have looked but anyone my age just turns me off, I think it stems from Billy's turning evil on me. I have to find someone that is older."

By this time it was getting late and I still had a surprise waiting for JC. By now, we had finished the dessert, and I took the plates to the kitchen, asking JC to follow me.

"You need help?" I asked, wondering where this was going. Hoping our talk changed his mind.

"Not really, I just need you for a few minutes, if you don't mind?"

"Ok Charlie," I got up and followed him down the hall and into my room, thinking are we... no he wouldn't not now... or would he?

I stopped in front of the guestroom and told JC to take a look at the clothes that were delivered today. I was standing in the doorway; JC walked in and stared at the wardrobe we laid out in front of him.

"Oh shit, why did you do this? Charlie, I didn't need all this expensive stuff." I was in disbelief, looking at what was laying on the bed, was hanging in the closet and what was in the dresser. My God, he bought the store.

"Who said you needed it, I just wanted you to have it. There is a big difference, I wanted to see you as a cowboy with boots and hat," Now, can I get him to model it. Will he... oh yes.

"You want me to model it for you?" I looked at him with a sheepish grin.

"Of course."

"You sure."

"Yes, come on I want a fashion show."

"Okay you go back into the living room and I will come out looking like a cowboy."

"Ok I'll be waiting." I went down the hall into the living room to wait for JC.

Maybe five minutes passed and out stepped JC, wearing only his new boots, and his new cowboy hat, his hard manhood standing tall in the saddle!

"How do I look Charlie?" I was sporting an evil grin, and that beautiful hard body, in all the right places.

"My God you look good enough to eat!" I thought where is this going to end?