The Symmetry of Life- Book 1: To See, To Know, To Be Human - 6. Chapter 6: Of Major and Minor Consequence

Chapter 6: Of Major and Minor Consequence

Seven years passed with times of joy and times of sadness; times of peace and times of war. When Brian woke up, he demanded that he and I were allowed to go home. Senator Hickenlooper was against it and the President Truman was fine with it. Brian asked not to speak to either of them, he sought out Congressman Martin. I don’t know what he said or what they talked about, but he swung the vote. For many years afterward, we would get center row baseball tickets by mail, whenever the Red Sox were in California.

From 1947 to 1954, intense negotiation kept happening between the US along with other governments, including the Soviet Union, and Gar’ta as more of their research vessels arrived. The Kal also came eventually in 1950, but they believed in open dialogue with humanity rather than back channel negotiations with our governments. When the Kal approached humans, most people thought of them as Venusians. The Kal offered humans their emotional bliss, unlike any that humans beings have ever felt, based on their organic technology to reach an altered state of consciousness. Later, human beings tried desperately to replicate the same bliss with their own narcotics. The Kal also introduced new levels of pleasure and sexual awareness that matched their ancestor’s libido, but it also allowed the spread of unknown sexually transmitted diseases, killing thousands at first, then millions later. The Kal naïveté on human excess and desires for pleasures of the flesh eventually caused a cult following around them, which they were apologetic for creating and tried to dissuade. Their pacifistic concepts and ideals eventually formed the Hippie movements of the 1960’s and allowed the sexual revolution to blossom into the modern day gay rights struggle. Brian said that the Kal were sometimes far too kind for their own good and should try to conduct themselves with a bit more caution on how others would react to their gifts.

As for the famous Majestic Twelve, they were busy at work with Gary at their new Groom lake facility or, as of 1948 Central Intelligence Agency designation, Area-51. They used their connections and power base in industrial, military, and scientific backgrounds to help advance the US technologically through concepts from Gary, but held back certain technology for their own commercial purpose rather than military applications. They remained in contact with both Brian and me throughout those years even after we returned home. Mom was very accommodating like always and on several occasions even allowed them to stay over. Brian and I saw a few more Agents of Death, who gave smiles at us as we pass them, while they performed their duties, usually in hospitals. We did not encounter any more Drake or demons in those years. Brian said that he had most likely scared the Drake into hiding their activities.

The rest was history or at least secret history that would never be told or recorded to the general public. In 1948, President Truman won the famous victory over Dewey. If you’re thinking about the newspaper and what I told you earlier, don’t jump to conclusions. No, it was not electoral fraud or some complicated conspiracy with alien mind control. President Truman did actually win that election without help from anyone. Although, many of you may not believe it, Dewey was advocating for things like expanded social security, health care reform, and even civil rights for African Americans. Dewey was allied with Congressman Martin, but he had a distant relationship with the more conservative wing of US Senate Republicans under Majority leader Senator White and Senator Hickenlooper. Brian was only 6 years old at the time of the 1948 elections, but I think in all the US, he was the only one, who truly believed or knew President Truman would win. Brian told me that “people are so silly about numbers, they think that numbers can tell you what will happen, but numbers can’t vote”.

Two years later in 1950, the US entered the Korean War. For three agonizing years, a proxy war was fought between the USSR and the US. During the early stages of the conflict, the full depth of US military technological weakness could be seen as Gary predicted 3 years earlier. The MiG-15’s were even more deadly in battle than they were in theoretical studies and the American created F-80 was inferior in almost every respect. However, the new American F-88’s were soon adapted, created to counter the MiG-15 technical specifications. Eventually, in 1953, the war became a stalemate as neither side could make a breakthrough. By this time, a new President had assumed the mantle of responsibility along with the secrets that it held. President Dwight Eisenhower, supreme commander of NATO, had won the 1952 election convincingly. Brian and I were asked to speak with President Eisenhower after his inauguration, but Brian told them, “No, President Eisenhower will look for me, when the time is right”. Along with President Eisenhower’s victory, Republicans under the progressive branch took majority again in the 1952 elections. Congressman Joseph Martin again took over as Speaker of the House.

Early on in his first term, President Eisenhower could not control his own party as the separation between progressives and conservatives began to grow in magnitude with the rise of Senator Joseph McCarthy and his power committee that sought to hunt traitors and infiltrators. Beyond rhetoric and fear, there was more to these investigations. The use of blood testing became common place around this time, too. President Eisenhower tried to hold the line against Senator McCarthy and others infringing on individuals, but he could not rally the progressives in the Republican Party towards his side. In addition, Homosexuals were singled out, purged, and imprisoned on many levels of civilian life. What history does not popularize is that some of these people, who were imprisoned, were declared dead a year later. I doubt many members of government knew the depth of betrayal that was occurring in order to reach technological and military parity. By 1954, the nation had become self-afflicted with paranoia of infiltration and invasion due to the dying words of one Drake scout. Brian always seemed disappointed as he kept hearing the broadcasts of the investigation, mumbling words and even swears.

On the personal front, I was 14 years old with a lot of teenage angst and brooding to find out what those words and symbols in mind actually meant. Mom had been a rock throughout the last seven years, but she died very suddenly in July of 1954. She was 38 years old at the time of her death. The doctor said that she had a blood embolism. Brian and I were orphans, but we did not go through the system as many others would in our circumstance. Our guardianship nominally went to a certain Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a middle class family living in Sacramento. In reality, Brian and I were left alone; my dad had left a blind trust in our names with more than enough money for any possible needs that we may have with certain provisions and limits, unless two biological male descendants of my father waives or changes it, unless only one descendant remained. I never knew exactly how much my father had, nor had any indication based on my mother’s modest living. Even to the day of my death, I was still drawing money out of my father’s trust.

Brian seemed to have taken her death better than Uncle Frankie’s death years ago; it only took him a few days of silence before he returned to his atypical self. I was the one, who took it hard. I withdrew from life completely as I no longer wanted to be surrounded by death and loss. I wanted to be angry, but didn’t know who or what to be angry at. There was only one person I knew who could give me that answer, Brian. After we returned home, we never talked about that “First” stuff, again. Mom tried to ask about it several times, but neither of us gave her any answers. To be honest, as an 8 year old or 73 year old, I don’t know how I would explain what happened in words. For Brian, I suspected that he didn’t know himself due to his childlike innocence in the entire affair. Yet, from time to time like the presidential elections or during the war in Korea, I could tell that he knew things about the present and future, things that he did not want to share. Sometimes at night, I thought that I heard Brian crying.

About a month after mom died, I got up the courage to ask Brian point blank, “Why do people die?”

He looked at me like I had grown another head, “Josh, don’t ask that question.”

I got very angry, “Brian, tell me, I don’t care what the answer maybe, I just want to know. You said that questions were the best first step.”

Brian shook his head, “I didn’t say that. The “First” said it, besides somethings are best not known.”

Brian was scared, but I ignored his expressions as my anger surged, “Brian, I don’t give a damn, who said it. You know the answer, so tell me before…”

Brian was trembling, “It was…it was…it was my choice.”

Part of me knew that truth, but I just wanted to hear him say it and hate him for it, “You killed her, didn’t you. It wasn’t just enough that Uncle Frankie had to die for your great cause. You had to have her, too.”

I advanced on Brian, but he didn’t move, instead he responded with the softest voice I had ever heard, “Josh, you’re angry, but did you know that Mom was suffering for years after dad died? She was smoking nine packs of cigs a day that’s what caused the blood embolism.”

I lunged at him and we both fell to the floor of our room, I lifted and tightened my fists, “You made death happen. You were the one that started all this. If mom never met you, if she never fell in love with a man, who could never love her, then she would be alive right now. You killed her.”

Before I could land a blow against Brian, he placed his arms around me, not to harm, but to embrace, “Josh, mom chose her life and her death. Death is a choice and so is life. Both were my choice and his choice at the very beginning, the “First” of the old order and the Last of the new order. Without death, there is no life, just erratic growth until there is nothing left. Without a beginning or an end, there is no longer meaning or purpose. Mom might have died young, but she had kept love in her heart. It was her path and her desire to love dad despite how he felt. Sometimes, I can feel that the “First” regrets making that choice to create life and death; hell, I bet God probably had the same thoughts privately as they were both involved in those choices. You don’t see what I see Josh and I don’t see everything, but I see enough. I see soldiers screaming and begging, some to live and others to die quickly, as their pain envelops them. I see kids around our age struggling to just find a few bites to eat, not knowing what they are living for. Death was not meant to be full of suffering like it is now, but people have warped the concept from a transition to something else.”

I languished over his words, “Did you even love her, Brian? Did dad even care about us?”

Brian eyes began to tear up, “I loved “mom”, but it’s not the love that she wanted. Dad cared about her and wanted to protect her, but he could not give her the love that she deserved. Love is a strange thing, a scary thing. It can last for moments, but its effect can last several lifetimes or in my case infinity. The longing to become one, to become whole, was what created love. It is what drove me to come here and involve myself with the affairs of this world against my desire. All the other loves in my life can never really equal that need for wholeness. Love changed over time to incorporate family bonds and friendships, along with its mutation into its antithesis, hate, but the core concept remained about wholeness. I love you Josh as my big brother and I know you won’t hurt me, because you love me, too.”

I started calming down as I felt his arm around my waist, I didn’t say anything as I was deep in thought. In my teenage years, my impulsive side grew exponentially greater. I knew I overstepped myself with Brian, but he didn’t seem angered. I think he was more disturbed by the memories of all those deaths that he witnessed than my actions. I don’t know when it started, but based on the sounds of crying at night, it probably began within the last two years.

I wished I had been there for him. I wish I could have been a better older brother instead of a whiny asshole with a big mouth and a lack of sense. Those are not regrets; they’re merely observations of empathy for my little brother and even for the “First”. The tragedies that they must have witnessed boggle my mind.

At that moment, with Brian’s arms around my waist, I felt a twisting in my pants and an emotion that I knew very well, lust. Many of you will probably be frowning now at reading that I got hard for my brother right. It must seem illogical for a guy to get horny after wanting to kill someone. I make no apologies for how I felt. At 14, I doubt many of you could hold your body accountable for who could make you hard. As my anger subsided and my body felt his touch, I could not help it.

Brian noticed the spear poking at him as he was lying on his back from my earlier lunge and I could feel his own poking me, “Josh, do you want try it?”

I nodded, “Yes, Brian, I need it.”

Brian began to unbuckle my belt and unbuttoned my jeans as I did the same for him. He might have been 12 years old, but he was further along puberty than I was. He had a fuller bush of pubic hair and a hair trail resembling Uncle Frankie’s trail from his chest down to his balls. He had grown significantly in the last few months. Brian had reached 6 feet 2 inches with a solid body that would make most girls fall head over heels in love with him. His brown hair had been kept short and tight with a traditional adult crew cut, but he still carried child-like expressions, which gave him a universal appeal. I have spotted him naked a few times throughout the years as we grew up, but I never saw him hard. I was floored with what I saw. His penis stood up at about 9 inches.

Compared to Brian, I was a really skinny and dorky. I wore thick corrective glasses, barely had any muscle mass, and almost no hair on my body. I was a bit taller than Brian at 6 feet 4 inches, but you would only notice it if you placed us side by side due to Brian’s physically dominating presence. As for the size department, well, since I am dead and it will be public knowledge for a coroner, I am only 6 inches. Brian definitely had me beat in terms of size, sadly.

In no time, we began the rhythmic motions of up and down, I grabbed him and he grabbed me. We were both uncircumcised, so we did not need lube. With my free hand, I began tickling his nipples as I knew it would stimulate the best pleasure from personal experience. Brian began tensing up rather quickly and sped up his rhythm on me. In no time, Brian’s orgasm came in three successive bursts. Moments later, my orgasm came.

Brian broke out in laughter, “That was fast,”

I smiled back at my brother, “Hey, I wasn’t the one that shot first”

Brian threw a few Kleenex tissues that he used to clean himself at me, “Well, it was my first wet one, give me a break.”

Another thought dawned on me with my lustful impulses, “Brian, have you ever wanted to do stuff with boys? You know like this and other stuff.”

Brian with a hesitant expression nodded, “Yeah, but I don’t think I will ever really love any of those boys, unless they’re like Uncle Frankie, who have that piece of me. However, I can feel that he won’t come back to me in this lifetime; he wants to wait for a better time and place with less fear, bigotry, hate, and paranoia” as he said those words, I could see a shadow gliding passing over him, he shook it off and continued, “Josh. I don’t think you and me should do that stuff either, beating off is cool, but I think you want someone to make you whole. Besides like dad, I might meet a girl like mom, who will fall madly in love with me, and I just have to go with it.”

I never really thought about love much until that point; it jogged a memory from the “First”. He promised me that I would find someone. It was minor thought in my mind, because I just never really thought about a future. In 1954, homosexuality was starting its long march towards something resembling modern times. Kinsey’s sexual behavior studies of males were completed in 1948. His equivalent studies of females were completed in 1953. A few people took note of the results that his research, even though it was flawed, brought to world. Homophile movements began to spring up asking for decriminalization of sodomy in several states with Illinois being the first four years later in 1958. Despite all this progress, the 1950’s was a very conservative period in American history with sub-currents and social issues hidden away beneath a false surface of peace. Every advance made was countered at another level of government or society due to ignorance or scapegoating from the McCarthy era. Civil rights for people of different skin tones were in principle won with the Supreme Court decision of Brown v. Board of Education on May 17 1954, but actual implementation was slow. We were lucky that California’s Republican Governor, later Chief Justice, Earl Warren was incredibly progressive and believed in equality for everyone. Brian said that he would be remembered as the best Supreme Court Chief Justice until the turn of the 21^st century. Men like him, Congressman Martin, and President Eisenhower would be the turning point for the rights of all people and creeds.

In a few more weeks, after our fight and reconciliation, Brian and I would start new schools. He would entering a new junior high school of his choice and I would be attending my first year of high school. It would be during this school year that I met Bobby and my destiny would be revealed through reading a fantasy novel.