Missing Conversations - 5. Sperm Donors

Justin drove Jared to Leichhardt then went home to Craig.

“How was it?” asked Craig

“Great, they all seemed to get on very well. In fact Jared was a great hit with Alex and James. I think I’ve been replaced by the new brother.”

“Don’t say that, you know the boys love you and look up to you.”

“Maybe, but I have failed them in some ways.”

“How? You often buy them gifts and take them out sometimes. I remember how they hung on your every word when we were in Forster a few years back. And it was you who got them started on working out.”

“Yes, you’re right about that, but remember you and I had a disagreement on that trip.”

“About Julia and Hannah using drugs?”

“No... about them not telling the boys about their fathers.”

“Yes, and I still think it’s irresponsible of them.”

“I think I agree with you now.”

“Why the sudden change?”

“Jared and I were talking about it and he’s convinced me...no, I’ve decided that the boys should at least know how they were conceived, even if their fathers are anonymous sperm donors.”

“Do you know that is the case?”

“Yes, apparently Julia told Jared when they first met.”

“Well, that’s news. Yet she never told you or the boys. Do you know why she told him?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. He asked her. Apparently as simple as that, he just asked her and she told him.”

“But you didn’t, because you thought it was none of your business, right?”

“Yes, but I was wrong. I can see that now.”

“So, are you going to do anything about it, are you going to tell Alex and James?”

“No, I still think it’s not my place to tell them, but I will remind Julia that she should.”

“Have the boys ever asked their mothers?”

“I don’t think so, because they still don’t know, according to Jared anyway.”

“So, all this has come about because of your chat with Jared.”

“Yes, why?”

“I think this man is going to be good for your family.”

“A better influence than me?”

“I’m not saying that. He’s older and had more life experiences, plus he doesn’t carry the family baggage that you do.”

“What family baggage?”

“The don’t ask, don’t tell, policy of your family.”

“Mmm, you may be right. It’s time I changed that. I’m going to talk to Julia about it.”

“Good man, I like this new Justin.”

“Have I been too wimpy about stuff, in the past?”

“You are a product of your upbringing, we all are; but it’s good to see you now letting that go and being more assertive.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, it’s not often I hear you say, I’m going to...”

“Wow, it’s working already.”

“What’s working?”

“Oh just something Jared said, but no matter. Next week I’m going to talk to Julia and tell her she and Hannah need to tell the boys.”

“Excellent, and if I can help, just ask.”

“Can you tell me, from a medical point of view, how this sperm donor thing works?”

***

That evening, when Julia and Hannah were getting into bed, Julia asked “How do you think today went?”

“Pretty good overall. The boys especially seemed to like Jared and wasted no time getting to know him.”

“What about you, I saw you two having a private chat when I left you alone.”

“Honestly, at first I liked him, then he got a bit intrusive and stepped over the line. But in the end he made his point and started me thinking.”

“About?”

“The boys’ fathers in particular. You know we’ve not only failed to talk to the boys about it but we haven’t talked about the subject either; at least not since conception.”

“Are you suggesting we should tell the boys?” asked Julia

“Remember when you told me about Jared and how you became pregnant, we agreed to tell the boys everything, as secrets have a way of leaking in families?”

“Yes, a good decision, because they are old enough to handle it.”

“Well, I think they are now old enough to handle the issue of their conception.”

“That won’t be terribly revealing”

“But who their fathers are might be of interest to them.”

“Maybe, but we don’t even know, it was anonymous.”

“Then it was, but laws have changed and sperm donors and the children that were born as a result now have the right to know”

“Do you think they want to know?”

“I would be surprised if they weren’t at least mildly interested” replied Hannah.

“Then we should tell them.”

***

James knocked on Alex’s bedroom door. “Who is it?” asked Alex

“Me, can I come in?”

“You can’t suck me tonight”

“I just want to talk”

“OK”

Alex shut his laptop as James entered and asked “What do you want to talk about?”

“You know how we don’t know about our fathers, well I heard Jared and Mum Hannah talking about that today.”

“How come you heard them?” asked Alex

“You can hear everything from the bathroom, when the window’s open, and they weren’t exactly whispering. In fact Mum got quite pissed off with him. He kept telling her she should tell us who they are.”

“And?”

“I didn’t hear anymore, Justin knocked on the door because I was so long.”

“Well she didn’t seem pissed off with him when they left.”

“You’re right, she gave him a hug and the salads, I wonder what happened to change her?”

“If she was pissed off, and then not pissed off, then he must have backed off.”

“Which means, she won the argument and is not going to tell us. Shit!” concluded James.

***

A week later over dinner, Julia said to the boys “Hannah and I have been talking and we agree that it is time to tell you about your conception.”

“Is this going to be another birds and bees thing?” asked James

“No, quite the opposite” answered Hannah

“Well, I’m confused” offered Alex.

“What you mother’s trying to say is, we want to talk about your fathers. Do you want to know?”

“Hell yeah!” exclaimed Alex “What’s their names?”

“We don’t know their names” answered Julia

“You mean you did it with...that it was a...what do they call it?... a one night stand.”

“No, it was not like that. We both used anonymous sperm donors and procedure was performed in a clinic by a doctor.”

“Oh that’s a bit boring” suggested James

“But you said anonymous, so that means we’ll never know” said Alex

“Not necessarily, they do keep records at the clinic. At the time those records were sealed and the donors were guaranteed their anonymity, but laws have changed and there are procedures for both parties to come together.”

“So have you found out their names yet?”

“No, if you want to know we have to make an application and register your interest in making contact with your fathers. Then if the man wants the same he registers his wishes and when both parties agree, contact information can be exchanged.” Julia explained.

“So what do you think?” asked Hannah

Nobody answered, so Hannah asked “Alex, anything to say?”

“I’m thinking”

“What about you James?”

“I’ll wait till Alex answers”

“I’m not going to answer yet” replied Alex “I need more time to think.... James let’s go to my room and think about it”

“Ok”

The boys excused themselves and when they left the room, Hannah said “I wasn’t expecting that”

“Me neither, I thought they’d be keen to know. But you know one thing, if they are not so keen, then maybe we haven’t done such a bad job of raising them. Maybe they don’t miss not having fathers.”

Julia stood up, walked around to Hannah and said “Stand up, I want to give you a big hug.”

***

“Well whata ya reckon?” asked James

“I don’t know, what about you? It’s not like you, to not have an opinion.”

“I know, but this is serious stuff, that could affect the rest of our lives.”

“You mean if we suddenly have dads?” asked Alex

“Yeah, you’ve lived nearly eighteen years and me sixteen without dads.”

“But sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to ask about man stuff.”

“We’ve got Justin and now Jared.”

“I know, but are they the same as a real dad?”

“What’s a real dad?” asked James

“I saw this movie where this kid found out his father was not really his father because his mum had an affair with another bloke years ago. Turns out his real dad lived nearby, knew about his son but kept the mother’s secret.”

“That’s not us, but what happened anyway?”

“Lots of arguments and tears, but in the end he decided a real dad is the one you’ve always known. The one who taught him how to kick a footy and hammer in a nail. The one who carried him home when he fell off his bike, took him to his first test match with England and the one who told him about sex.”

“But nobody’s done any of that for us.”

“The point is, he thought his real dad was the one who cared for him, not just the one who provide the sperm.”

“I’ve got to say Alex, you’ve finally lived up to your title as my big brother. That’s pretty grown up stuff to think about.”

“And there’s another thing. What if one or both of them doesn’t want to know us”
“Shit, that’d be a bummer, if we did the register thing and then we got no reply”

“Yeah, you’d feel unwanted. I don’t want that. Fuck ‘em they can stay anonymous, I say.”

“Right on bro. We’ve got two mums, a cousin and a brother who’s also a cousin. Who else has all of that?” concluded James.

“Do you think we should run this by Justin or Jared first?” asked Alex

“We could, but Justin’s never told us anything and Jared told Mum off about it, so I guess that’s where his opinion lies.”

“You’re right, and when I asked Jared what a real man is he didn’t give me an answer.”

“You mean he doesn’t know?”

“I don’t think it’s that, I think he wanted me to work it out for myself, and now I’m thinking a real man is one who can make his own decisions and live with the consequences. It’s got nothing to do with sex or being physically tough.”

“I couldn’t have put it better myself.”

“Hey, you didn’t think of that.”

“I know, it’s just hard to admit you’re right; especially twice in one conversation.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, I don’t get them very often from you.”

“Well...don’t get used to it, ‘cause it aint gunna happen very often.”

“Aha! There’s the real James that I know and love”

“Do you really love me?”

“Of course, you’re my brother.”

“Do you want me to suck you off?”

“Don’t think we should do that anymore.”

“’Cause we’re brothers?”

“Something like that.”

“Fair enough, I’m pretty good at it now, so I don’t really need the practice.”

“How’s the self-sucking coming along?”

“Not so good, it’s hard. The closest I can get is the occasional lick of the tip and that’s only when I’m fully up.”

“You need a boyfriend.”

“I know, that might be easier. Maybe I should ring Jared and ask him how gaydar works.”

“What’s gaydar?”

“Oh, there is something you don’t know.”

“Never mind, keep your little gay secrets.”

“When are we going to tell mums?”

“Let ‘em wonder for a few days. They’ve made us wait for years.”

“Now I like the way you’re thinking” concluded James.

***

By the time Justin got around to calling Julia, the matter had been resolved.