1001 Sheeps...

1002 Sheeps...

1003 Sheeps...

...

 

Forget it,

all this counting is

starting to irritate me.

I think it's been about 3 days?

I think I'm sleeping

but yet I'm widely awake?

I think I might go crazy.

 

I try and I try

so hard to close my eyes,

but I only find myself

staring at that same

ceiling in perpetual horror.

Perhaps I should decorate

all its emptiness

with bright glowing stars...

Gleaming with hope,

I guess.

 

Sigh;

I tried to demand myself

to fall asleep,

giving consent to the dream

world to consume my mind;

it will be full of good things,

full of sweet things,

and I will be

in pure happiness.

Well... Maybe.

 

I tried so hard,

but for a full 74 hours,

I still feel wide awake,

catching nearly a wink

the whole-time.

 

The last time

I had trouble sleeping,

was when I was

trying to convince myself

that I wasn't in

love with you.

 

What am I going to do?

 

Wow,

I'm looking through my room again,

it has definitely

become a pigsty.

When was the last time

I bothered to clean this

place up?

I better get started,

I guess.

 

Just when I started to

organize the CDs that

were rolling around the

corners of the room,

I picked up your favorite one.

 

The first time we listened to this song together,

I teased you into chasing me in circles around

this room, I was convinced that I could always run freely

and that you would only be a couple steps behind me

always chasing after me. And then you caught me and

we landed not on the bed, but on the floor.

 

Looking into your eyes that night

told me everything I needed to know.

 

Do you still remember

when you told me

that you would take me

to Paris and Rome?

 

I threw my arms around your neck,

and I promised you...

that I would run away you.

I kissed your face and kissed your head:

"I'm in love with you."

 

Was I not enough for you?

I hated how you told me that I deserved more,

that they would never understand,

that no one wants to see us together.

 

It's not true.

To love is our birth right.

"Just breathe and realize that this very moment is all

that we'll know that we'll have for sure.

I'm just like you, I was lonely too,

but now...

I got you.

And really...

That's all that really

matters."

 

That's when I saw it,

the same small pill

with a pinkish sheen;

a tiny, lonely sleeping pill.

I thought I had picked

these all up 3 days ago.

 

You Fool.

Why did you have to go

and take a whole bottle

of this nasty medicine?

You could've asked me

to knock you out

if you had trouble sleeping.

 

...

All of a sudden,

something felt like it

was coming up,

so I spat out everything.

Still,

the pain lingered in my chest,

getting worse as time passed.

 

I felt my head spinning

and I could feel

myself sobbing:

 

"You knew it would be this way.

You knew I couldn't sleep well when there's no one next to me.

Yet you went ahead and did it.

Why?"

 

The tears didn't stop, falling like rain.

I feel kinda tired.

...