Two new addictions have come to the surface in my life... 1) Lemmon pound cake from Starbucks and 2) Three Region Blend coffee from Starbucks...

So yea it's crunch time and it's becoming a hassle to get things done at work before finishing my last day tomorrow, getting things packed up that I have left before I finally move in Officially on Sunday, getting all my stuff together to make life easier when I go to get my car registered, plates for it, inspected and also to get my license. On top of all of that, I'm having to search for any receipts that I may have gotten during my move time, for tax purposes of course, and last but not least trying to write.

I found myself dipping into some really bad depression and anxiety feelings, ones I haven't had in quite awhile, and last Wednesday it came to a head and I had my first panic attack in years, well three years 8 months and 12 days to be exact (I keep track of all my attacks so when I goto the doc it makes life easier to explain things). It happened at work as I was making (ironically) a doctor appointment for one of my clients and I felt it start to come on.

Now as some of you may or may not know, the panic attacks I have are about 100% different from ones people normally get, and this time it kind of freaked my coworker out when he saw me. I was visibly shaking (not slightly shaking but what looks like a tonic-clonic seizure), my speech was slurred, and I couldn't focus. He came over to me and took my pulse which was racing and grabbed the blood pressure cuff which we have and tested it, 70/50. Luckily he kept a cool head and asked me what was happening. I finally managed to tell him to get my bag and he got it. I took a med of mine and it helped to calm me down and get things back to normal. I called our AD and let him know I was leaving work for a medical issue and he was fine with it, and I then drove home (not my smartest idea since the med I took was Xanax). Once I got home I took the one I'm supposed to take after and attack and just passed out.

I talked about what happened with mom and she said it's normal for people to go through this and that she's surprised I held off for so long given that I'm moving, job hunting, leaving NJ, leaving people behind and all that stuff. I made an appointment with the doc who just gave me refills on my meds saying I don't need an adjustment that it's amazing I've kept this at bay for so song.

I also found out from him that the reason why I haven't been so anxious is because I'm channeling my fears, anger and happiness into writing and photography. Granted I'm not ready to show you what I've done so far but suffice to say, I'm working on a few things...

Also I think my Starbucks addiction is helping to keep these demons at bay

Eric