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The Magical World of the 1% (Law Firm Edition)


Merlin

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In the finance world, we aspire to be hedge fund managers, masters of the universe of the the highest order.

 

In medicine, (I suppose) we aspire to run hospitals and become like the woman Dr. House likes.

 

In law...we aspire to be megafirm partners. Though money is pretty much capped and you don't get to be a master of the universe, you can still make it as a major-domo of a moderately-sized galaxy.

 

These are their stories. (all anecdotes taken from abovethelaw.com)

 

Disclaimer: I still haven't gone to law school yet, so I can only dream from far far away. Don't ask me for career advice.

 

***************************************

 

For starters, aspiring young lawyers, please work hard and get those firm jobs, stay the 100-hour weeks, so you can make partner and send emails like this:

 

From: (Chicago Partner)

 

To: All Firm Lawyers

 

Subject: Financial Advisor In St. Louis

 

Message: I am looking for a financial advisor in St. Louis to provide advice to a friend who is about to receive what, to her, is a huge amount of money (some $500g). Any recommendations would be appreciated.

 

Let's ponder this for a moment and visualize the golden fantasy of having so much money that $500,000 is something you can throw away at a casino or at a homeless person.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Or how about this. Susan Webster, the head of Corporate Practice at the ancient and most noble house of Cravath, Swaine and Moore (one of Wall Street's top law firms), gives her associates huge cuts in spring bonuses but does the following.

 

While attending a meeting, Webster introduces herself to another Big law partner. The other partner says, “Oh thanks for the bonus, it really was great.” Susan smiles and says, “Yeah I know.”

 

She then complains about associates who want spring bonuses.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Finally, remember it doesn't have to be all work and no play. A megafirm partner was seen at the "classy" Larry Flynt's Hustlers Club recently. This partner is in charge of his firm's summer associate program, is said to bill over 3,500 hours a year. Apparently, he told the club manager to "take care of my friends"--associates from his firm who spotted him sitting with other regulars of the club.

 

So it's not all bad up there in the clouds. Put in your hours, stay those Saturday nights. Hell, sleep in the office. Apparently, when you make it, you make it.

 

longisland_ny_lawyers_1.jpg

 

All of them have boats bigger than your house (probably).

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Meh. They only thing I aspire to is to get paid at the end of the month and not get sued. I chose the wrong area of law. Family was always the poor relation. I used to be a partner but it was too much hassle and took up time I could have spent on what I really enjoy... giving legal advice to people who need it, or think they do

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"take care of my friends" has a ring of horrible finality. For the "friends" that is. Then maybe I watched too many episodes of The Sopranos ...

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