1. If it can't be cooked in the microwave, then it's not worth cooking!

2. Assign job roster systems to the flat for each flatmate. "Hey, wasn't Joe supposed to clean the bathroom this week?" "Nah, he died remember? The stink of the unwashed clothes you forgot to wash last week killed him." "Oh, yeah."

3. Wear earplugs at night so that while you're in bed, the [thump] sound of [thump] your flatmate [thump] banging some girl [thump] and the adjacent wall [thump] doesn't interrupt [thump] your sleep.

4. When it's raining, dry your wet clothes by chucking them on the clothes horse to dry. Five days later — still wet!

5. Take every opportunity to shout out a party at your flat whenever the landlord is away over the weekend. Doesn't matter that the flat will be trashed and the landlord will kick you out, for the meantime, LET'S PARTY PUNK BITCHES!!!

And that's Jordan's guide to New Zealand Flatting. A guide to the worst choice of living you could possibly make.