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When I Get Bad News


Hudson Bartholomew

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I got some bad news today. It wasn’t anything terribly tragic, and I was kind of expecting it, anyway, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. But it was disappointing all the same.

 

Anytime I get bad news, I immediately go into self-doubt mode and systematically convince myself that I’m not worth my salt, I’m not good at anything, and who am I to think I deserve to have what I want. It’s always the same voice in my head, and it always says the same things. The voice has become so familiar over the years that, these days when it speaks, I recognized it immediately.

 

That voice was speaking today. I recognized it and I know it’s unhealthy, so I’ve been actively trying to ignore it. But it’s still there, whispering away in the background, and it won’t shut up.

 

I was in an elevator today and standing next to a pizza delivery guy. If I had to guess, I’d say he was middle aged, probably an immigrant based on his accent; he reminded me of my dad circa 20 years ago, when I was a teenager in high school. In my head, I imagined that this guy had a family at home, maybe he had kids who were in high school, and here he was delivering pizzas to make ends meet.

 

I hope I don’t sound pretentious, I don’t want my life to look like that when I reach his age; I don’t want to be delivering pizzas when I’m middle aged. And I’m fairly confident that my life won’t look like that. Because I’m lucky. I’m lucky to have a well-paying job, to have resources at my disposal, to have skills and abilities that are sought after in this job market. Not everyone has those, and I often forget just how lucky I am.

 

It’s hard to remember to be grateful. It’s much easier to wallow in my own self-pity. When I get bad news, it’s hard to remember that life isn’t over, that I’m still good at a lot of things, and I can and deserve to be a worthwhile member of society. It’s hard to pick myself back up, put on a brave face and continue on.

 

And, really, today’s bad news? It wasn’t terribly tragic, and I was expecting it, and I have other options to explore. That’s what I’ve been repeating to myself, trying to drown out that stupid voice in my head. Because I’m lucky, and I should be grateful for what I have.

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See how strong you are!

 

In German the word for disappointment is called Enttäuschung. Which literally means "getting of an illusion".

My father always told me, Enttäuschungen hurt, but they are something good. because you get shot of an illusion and can start new from this point. I try to see it that way, if I get bad news. It is not always easy, but it helps sometimes.

Hugs Lyssa

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That's called "stinking thinking". It won't go away by ignoring itWhen you think you aren't worth your salt, make the choice to change it, list your skills, including your writing. Substitute the good thought.  I think this is called cognitive therapy. 

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It's happens to a lot. I don't wonder even the lot is all. Yeah, every person lives with the one like this. But it's just one of the part of us, but not a whole thing. I can see how well you are handling it. Be brave and be strong, just like the way you are now. And remember we aer here, no matter what, to support you and to hear you.

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Maybe confront the voice: "And what did you ever do to help me improve? Nothing - in fact you're doing the opposite. How about not throwing stones when you live in a glass house yourself."

Ignoring the voice is good too, by whatever means you can device. Come here and talk to us, we think you're a great guy with lots to offer and you certainly deserves a wonderful life. :hug:

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The thing is not to dwell on bad negative stuff, let it go and get on with other things. It helps, sometimes, to talk - just like you have done here - talk or write it down.

 

You will end up just exactly where you should, worrying about where or what that might be, serves as nothing at all. You have not to be too attached to material things, you must always know that you will still be here if you lost everything tomorrow.

 

Thank you for sharing (the above is not advice, it's me sharing back)

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