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I Must Have Been Really Loud Before

AFriendlyFace

Entry posted by AFriendlyFace

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So today at work a friend/coworker came up to me and said, "you seem quiet today, everything okay?". The odd thing is this seems to be par for the course the last month or so. It seems like lately every time I turn around someone's saying how quiet I'm being and making sure I'm not upset about something. And I'm really not upset, mad, unhappy, sick, or worried. Heck I don't even think I was being that quiet today. I was completely responsive and friendly to everyone. I may not have been forcing my way into every conversation, or regaling everyone with funny stories, but I was exactly shrinking into the background either. No, *gasp* I was actually working. :o

 

So I dunno, it's crazy. I mean I feel fine, but with everyone fussing over me like I must be upset...I'm begining to wonder myself. I really don't think I am...but who knows? :blink: If I can't think of anything that might be bothering me, I usually just give the stock response: " **smile** I'm fine, just have alot on my mind I guess, thanks for asking though". And I really do appreciate it when people ask. I've always said if I'm upset I probably DON'T want to be left alone. If I want to be left alone; I leave. If I'm still there where you can see me and you think I'm upset, it is appreciated if you ask. So I'm certainly anything but annoyed that everyone is checking to make sure I'm okay. It's just I can't figure out what could be wrong so I think I am okay.

 

I admit I'm often quite effusive. I do like to talk. I enjoy one on one conversation, or small group chats. I even like to bring everyone into one large discussion, and I readily acknowledge the fact that I'm often, if not usually, quite comfortable with all eyes and ears paying attention to me (geez that does make me sound like an attention seeker), but on the other hand I really don't have to have everyone's attention. I can be loud and outgoing, but just as often (at least I thought just as often), I'm quite content, to just sit and listen, or contemplate my own thoughts. I'm actually VERY introspective, just not in a shy sorta way.

 

Yet I do wonder if maybe something is off at work and that's why I'm keeping to myself. I really am ready for the door. I feel like an old relic around there. Heck, perhaps I'm even a little jaded. I mean everyone's come and gone so many times since I've been there, I dunno perhaps I'm just subconsciously wondering if there's any point in developing relationships with the new people...I mean even if they stick around, I'll be gone soon enough. Of course intellectually I'd say of course I should get to know them; all experiences or potentially meaningful, and getting to know new people is definitely one of the most rewarding of all. And I certainly don't want my "old friends" to feel like I'm isolating myself from them.

 

I dunno, I guess even if I do feel like being quiet I should just put on my best smile and go laugh and talk up a storm.

4 Comments

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Camy

People expect you to be a certain way. and if you're not they notice. Some perhaps more than we'd like.

I have a work persona I slip into. I think we all do. Yet the longer you work in a place the more the line between your persona and the real you can become blurred... It's also easy to forget how perceptive some people are.

As for "I feel like an old relic around there", I know exactly how you feel. The point comes when a change is not only a nice thought, but a really good idea.

 

 

 

Camy B)

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nicks_a_writer

I get the same reaction... because i am really loud and i can command a room when i speak... like you i do not do it for the attention... it's just the way that i am i guess. But people can always tell when i am down because i actually do my school worker while jamming down with my head phones and i dont talk to no one.

 

I have only with in the past 4 months began to open up to people, to tell them what might be wrong (but it always boils down to do with being gay and/ or trav) but i never tell them that.

 

but yeah... i'm glad that everyone where you work cares... thank you so much for commenting on my blogs you have been a real help to me.

 

later ~ nick :read:

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AFriendlyFace

People expect you to be a certain way. and if you're not they notice. Some perhaps more than we'd like.

I have a work persona I slip into. I think we all do. Yet the longer you work in a place the more the line between your persona and the real you can become blurred... It's also easy to forget how perceptive some people are.

As for "I feel like an old relic around there", I know exactly how you feel. The point comes when a change is not only a nice thought, but a really good idea.

Camy B)

I think you're right, Camy; sometimes the line between reality and persona can easily become blurred. A change is definitely a good idea for me at this point, and I'm quite looking forward to one :) . Anyway thanks for the insight, have an awesome day!

 

Kevin

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AFriendlyFace

I get the same reaction... because i am really loud and i can command a room when i speak... like you i do not do it for the attention... it's just the way that i am i guess. But people can always tell when i am down because i actually do my school worker while jamming down with my head phones and i dont talk to no one.

 

I have only with in the past 4 months began to open up to people, to tell them what might be wrong (but it always boils down to do with being gay and/ or trav) but i never tell them that.

 

but yeah... i'm glad that everyone where you work cares... thank you so much for commenting on my blogs you have been a real help to me.

 

later ~ nick :read:

Hey Nick :)

 

it's good to know that I'm not alone with this :) .

 

I'm also really glad that lately you've been able to open up to people a little more about that stuff. Of course it is good to be careful too, I'm sure you'll be able to discern what is "safe" to tell people and what is too "risky". I just hope your friends are always there for you no matter what! :D

 

You're right the people at work are great, and I'm lucky to have them in my life :)

 

I'm touched and honoured if anything I've said in your blog has made you feel better. That truly means a lot to me, and I really hope everything works out well for you and that you have a very happy life :D Thanks for commenting :D

 

Take care,

Kevin

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