I hate watching people tear down others for simply living their lives. You'd think that within the LGBTQ community we'd have figured out how hurtful and damaging it is to do this to one another, but we've still such a long way to go. Some of it is so very subtle.

People who are pushed to the fringes of an already marginalized community have it the worst. They get used to little jabs, "good-natured" fun at their expense. Usually these come from the people who they depend on to understand the most - those under the LGBTQ umbrella. It's like, since we're different from the larger society that we have tacit permission to give those different from ourselves a hard time.

When I was getting to know some of my friends here on GA, I listened to some of their struggles. I heard of scorn and judgment passed due to the lives they live - just being who they are. As I did, the following thoughts passed through my mind. "How could they do that to my friend? Can't they see that they're a part of the damn problems that our larger community deals with?!"

It's so easy to look at the actions of others, judge them, and then skip any sort of self-reflection. I can't possibly be guilty. I'm good, I care. I can't be guilty of the very thing I despise.

Right?

No. Nope, I too am a part of the problem.

In my last blog entry, in one of the comments I jokingly referred to a Dom as "Sir". I'm not a sub. I don't have the right. There's self-reflection, work, effort, natural inclination, and more involved in being a sub. There's a shared experience that I don't possess. It was an overstep. One I knew better than to take. It was something that showed a lack of respect to a piece that's integral to who he is - that belittled something important to him.

I thought about removing it, but I won't. It's a mistake, and I want it there to remind me to just do better.

I've already apologized to the people who matter. The only reason I put this entry here, now, is because I don't want people to see what I did and think it's okay. It's not.

You don't play with certain things - not if you call yourself a friend.