Waiting for CT scan results is a bit like being the cat in the box. You aren't sure if it will be good or bad news, if indeed you will be pronounced alive or dead once the result comes through.
Today, I got the news I - kind of - expected. Not for any particular reason except my usual cautious pessimism and the feeling things had gone too well for too long. You can tell by their tone of voice, even before they actually say anything. 
The lesions in my liver are spreading and there is a need to review my treatment. It's weird, but I'd been preparing myself for it. I drew The Tower in a Tarot spread the other day. I've been feeling occasionally sick. None of that may have meant anything, but you always read portents into perfectly normal events with hindsight.
So, what am I going to do? Stop drinking, for one thing, although I haven't exactly been drinking a lot. Less than 4 glasses of wine a week, with meals. Keep exercising. Write as fast as I can. Hone my life back down to the essentials - enjoying each day, eating well, taking time for myself. I think I will take the house off the market. Don't need that stress.
I've been almost feeling 'normal' again recently, thinking about the future and stuff like that. Suddenly, focus has shifted back. Suddenly, life feels precarious and very precious. I want to stay healthy for as long as possible. I want to get things finished. Only I may not have as much time as I'd hoped.