Oh, joy. Here's a fun one.🙄

Grief is a tricky thing, as it is both an emotion and a process.

The emotion is easy. You know it when you feel it. It's natural when bad things happen, like when people you are close to die, relationships end, and so forth.

It's the process of grief that's oh so tricky. Grief isn't a fun thing, and many people would rather stuff it, and get busy with life/work/play rather than dwell on it. This can lead to something the shrinks call unprocessed grief.  This is never a good thing. It doesn't go away. It stays with you and can come out in inappropriate ways like flashes of anger (road rage), depression, and self-destructive behaviors like substance abuse.

This is something I struggle with. It's easy to see it from a bird's-eye view, but until you understand it, it's a mystery why you feel that way.

It's a very common thing for men, regardless of their sexuality. There are expectations for how men are supposed to act, and the stoicism expected of men does us no favors in this regard. It can lead to anxiety disorders and complicate other issues.

Signs of Unprocessed Grief

Grief is a constant companion this past year...

I think there has to be some form of disconnect in my mind that prevents me from experiencing grief. Probably it has something to do with my form of mental illness.