I suspect your mom has always 'known', some of those high school friendships a bit to close. And don't bother to try to explain being bisexual.

At least she didn't come right out at tell you that it was ok to be gay. I got that pleasant experience.

Snow Dog

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

Mark....don't judge your experience by mine...ultimately this is about your sexual orientation and not any one elses.

As a wise friend told me "Your sisters go home and lead their lives after telling you how to live your life. They are happy in their lives, why shouldn't you be happy in your life?"

Second, your Mom knows and loves you and accepts you for whom you are...her son.

My friends how knew my Dad told me he wouldn't give a plug nickel if I was Gay. My friends were right. When I told my Dad, he was incredibly loving and supportive and still is. He told me he loves me, that he wants me to be happy and he has always known I am Gay and figured it was up to me to tell him. He reminded me he didn't want to know about my sex life..but then quickly and wisely said, but don't worry it has nothing to do about you being Gay. I don't want to know about your sisters sex lives either. Now where do you want to go to dinner?

Walls of anxiety fell from there and we have become very close. I started to learn about my Dad the person..and what a tough life he had (death of his Mom when he was a small boy, being thrown from pillar to post after that by a step mother, fought over by relatives, how my Maternal Grandmother wouldn't come to my Dad's and Mom's wedding, how hard my Mom's death was on him...etc..)

I am sure your Mom is one super smart and loving lady....she wants to be supportive and is supportive. Now its up to you to let her in....I personally felt much better telling my family and grew from there.

I learned its my sisters "issues" and not mine (I figured the one sister who lives in NYC..lived in the Village area for years, has a Gay attorney, realtor, Gay friends would be cool...oops...she ain't so cool with it..despite what she says (my favorite line is when she told her husband in my presence that if he told her he is Gay she would blankety blank kill him....made me feel warm and fuzzy all over..when I called her on it she didn't get it...as I said geez, if that is how you feel, and I am Gay and your husband isn't, what does that say how you feel about me...she didn't quite see the obvious statement she was trying to make..but then again, I learned its her stuff not mine so who cares what anyone thinks...I am Gay...just as I am tall, have brown eyes..that won't change so time to get on with it and I did) but alas, that's her stuff not mine.

remember the words of Jude (they fit so well...."there is nothing wrong with you"...took me forever to say it and mean it and feel it)

Thirdly, no one gives a damn if you are bisexual or its some oddity..not in this day and age..that's your stuff and issues to feel everyone does....you are whom you are as Snow Dog and La Cage Aux Falles says....life goes on....either be yourself or learn that when you are dead you are dead...and oh the living that you lost out on....I learned that the tough way too.

If you are ready, go sit with your Mom and talk to her....

also, find a counselor who specializes in GLBT coming out issues...it helps a lot..

there is no finer freedom then the "truth shall set me fee" and to be "free at last..free at last" by being Out...it makes a world of difference.

My sisters, whom I love very much, are very Italian....speak to Italians..they will tell you how Italian families can be.....they have their issues..I have mine..but I refuse to live by their standards (one can't say the word "Gay" without choking on it..sad part she can't see that..but says she loves me and she does...but she just doesn't feel comfortable with me being Gay..again her stuff not mine....remember you are whom you are...and there is nothing wrong with you....say it, feel it, live it and the rest works out fine....you don't tell others how to be or live their lives and they hav no right to tell us how to do the same thing...and hey if they do...smile, and ignore...and know what your comfort zones are....as my Dad says, no need to share what you do in your bedroom with the world...its no one's business but yours..and you will find out if you come out that no one cares....not one bit..everyone just goes on with their lives...)

I have never been happier nor more healthier since coming out....and hey, even my sisters have met a former bf of mine (one I lived with) and dealt with it..I told them, I have had to deal with your crappy bfs and a spouse or two I despised..so either be nice in front of my significant other or lose me....easy enough rule to remember..and I don't give a damn what you think of him...its my life not yours..got it? that works..trust me....(one even freaked out that I had his picture on the mantel during a family get together (he was away)..what would the aunts think...like I care..

so Mark, yours to get on with or not...only you decide..

the world shall go on either way....I learned that the hard way..wasted too much time..in the end it is up to me to be happy and I am responsible for my own happiness..no one else...so I had to give it up concerning worrying about what my family thought and their control issues....as an adult it has worked better (I get teens going through what they do with families like mine..I know I would be out on my butt as a teen..2 sisters were and they aren't Gay) but you and I aren't teens....as Dan says for teens it is often better to wait until college is done and let's face it how much do parents really know what is going on with teens and on up....so its easy to deal and live one's life in that regard..just needs some adjustments (especially if parents financially support one and one lives at home during the college years)

ok, I go on too long......all I can say is trust in the love of your Mom...I wish mine were alive to share as you go to share with your Mom. Take it from there..I bet you will get the hugs and support from your Mom that I get from my Dad..its pretty awesome and parents just know...so she is clued in..time to clue her in if you are ready. Either that or suffer...I say, why suffer...it sucks being in that dark dreary closet.....been there done that and I way love the sunshine of being OUT:)

Michael

Mark....don't judge your experience by mine...ultimately this is about your sexual orientation and not any one elses.

 

As a wise friend told me "Your sisters go home and lead their lives after telling you how to live your life. They are happy in their lives, why shouldn't you be happy in your life?"

 

Second, your Mom knows and loves you and accepts you for whom you are...her son.

 

My friends how knew my Dad told me he wouldn't give a plug nickel if I was Gay. My friends were right. When I told my Dad, he was incredibly loving and supportive and still is. He told me he loves me, that he wants me to be happy and he has always known I am Gay and figured it was up to me to tell him. He reminded me he didn't want to know about my sex life..but then quickly and wisely said, but don't worry it has nothing to do about you being Gay. I don't want to know about your sisters sex lives either. Now where do you want to go to dinner?

 

Walls of anxiety fell from there and we have become very close. I started to learn about my Dad the person..and what a tough life he had (death of his Mom when he was a small boy, being thrown from pillar to post after that by a step mother, fought over by relatives, how my Maternal Grandmother wouldn't come to my Dad's and Mom's wedding, how hard my Mom's death was on him...etc..)

 

I am sure your Mom is one super smart and loving lady....she wants to be supportive and is supportive. Now its up to you to let her in....I personally felt much better telling my family and grew from there.

 

I learned its my sisters "issues" and not mine (I figured the one sister who lives in NYC..lived in the Village area for years, has a Gay attorney, realtor, Gay friends would be cool...oops...she ain't so cool with it..despite what she says (my favorite line is when she told her husband in my presence that if he told her he is Gay she would blankety blank kill him....made me feel warm and fuzzy all over..when I called her on it she didn't get it...as I said geez, if that is how you feel, and I am Gay and your husband isn't, what does that say how you feel about me...she didn't quite see the obvious statement she was trying to make..but then again, I learned its her stuff not mine so who cares what anyone thinks...I am Gay...just as I am tall, have brown eyes..that won't change so time to get on with it and I did) but alas, that's her stuff not mine.

 

remember the words of Jude (they fit so well...."there is nothing wrong with you"...took me forever to say it and mean it and feel it)

 

Thirdly, no one gives a damn if you are bisexual or its some oddity..not in this day and age..that's your stuff and issues to feel everyone does....you are whom you are as Snow Dog and La Cage Aux Falles says....life goes on....either be yourself or learn that when you are dead you are dead...and oh the living that you lost out on....I learned that the tough way too.

 

If you are ready, go sit with your Mom and talk to her....

 

also, find a counselor who specializes in GLBT coming out issues...it helps a lot..

 

there is no finer freedom then the "truth shall set me fee" and to be "free at last..free at last" by being Out...it makes a world of difference.

 

My sisters, whom I love very much, are very Italian....speak to Italians..they will tell you how Italian families can be.....they have their issues..I have mine..but I refuse to live by their standards (one can't say the word "Gay" without choking on it..sad part she can't see that..but says she loves me and she does...but she just doesn't feel comfortable with me being Gay..again her stuff not mine....remember you are whom you are...and there is nothing wrong with you....say it, feel it, live it and the rest works out fine....you don't tell others how to be or live their lives and they hav no right to tell us how to do the same thing...and hey if they do...smile, and ignore...and know what your comfort zones are....as my Dad says, no need to share what you do in your bedroom with the world...its no one's business but yours..and you will find out if you come out that no one cares....not one bit..everyone just goes on with their lives...)

 

I have never been happier nor more healthier since coming out....and hey, even my sisters have met a former bf of mine (one I lived with) and dealt with it..I told them, I have had to deal with your crappy bfs and a spouse or two I despised..so either be nice in front of my significant other or lose me....easy enough rule to remember..and I don't give a damn what you think of him...its my life not yours..got it? that works..trust me....(one even freaked out that I had his picture on the mantel during a family get together (he was away)..what would the aunts think...like I care..

 

so Mark, yours to get on with or not...only you decide..

 

the world shall go on either way....I learned that the hard way..wasted too much time..in the end it is up to me to be happy and I am responsible for my own happiness..no one else...so I had to give it up concerning worrying about what my family thought and their control issues....as an adult it has worked better (I get teens going through what they do with families like mine..I know I would be out on my butt as a teen..2 sisters were and they aren't Gay) but you and I aren't teens....as Dan says for teens it is often better to wait until college is done and let's face it how much do parents really know what is going on with teens and on up....so its easy to deal and live one's life in that regard..just needs some adjustments (especially if parents financially support  one and one lives at home during the college years)

 

ok, I go on too long......all I can say is trust in the love of your Mom...I wish mine were alive to share as you go to share with your Mom. Take it from there..I bet you will get the hugs and support from your Mom that I get from my Dad..its pretty awesome and parents just know...so she is clued in..time to clue her in if you are ready. Either that or suffer...I say, why suffer...it sucks being in that dark dreary closet.....been there done that and I way love the sunshine of being OUT:)

 

Michael

Thanks Michael...I really appreciate your post.

It's a little strange in my situation, since I'm bisexual, and a married father. For me, "coming out" reveals only a portion of me. That being said, your comments are just as applicable, since that portion is a side that virtually no one sees.

I suspect your mom has always 'known', some of those high school friendships a bit to close.  And don't bother to try to explain being bisexual.

 

At least she didn't come right out at tell you that it was ok to be gay.  I got that pleasant experience.

 

 

Snow Dog

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

Yeah, that would be a little bizarre.

Thanks Michael...I really appreciate your post.

It's a little strange in my situation, since I'm bisexual, and a married father. For me, "coming out" reveals only a portion of me. That being said, your comments are just as applicable, since that portion is a side that virtually no one sees.

Mark...that's not strange at all!!! I am betting your Mom knows you have an attraction to both sexes...and you and a zillion other guys who are married, have children, finally come out...that is way way typical and normal (couldn't find the right words there) Many men and women, who are married, then figure out their sexuality or got married, still knowing they are Gay or bisexual, but felt societal and family pressures or that they couldn't come Out...it happens...so, in this day and age, if someone announces that they are Gay or bisexual (and given our age range, when we were younger it wasn't very acceptable in many places to make that statement)..today, its not a big deal.

To quote Jude and FDR, you only have fear to be afraid of..and give people credit..the ones that will be supportive, will amaze you...the ones that won't..well, their loss.

and your Mom is just waiting for her son to speak first..she is respecting your boundaries and like my Dad, figured it is up to you/us to tell them....and if we don't....they are ok..but when we do, we fully share and say we trust that they will love us back....it worked for me..but we all are different with different lives/concerns/fears/issues, desires, etc....so I can only speak for me.

Good Luck with whatever you decide..

Michael