I woke up this morning, pretty late for me, and started hustling around my place getting organized. I was supposed to have office hours today. Then I logged on and read Snow Dog's post. It hit me hard. We were good friends. I relied on his intellect. His left brain complemented my right brain.
I spent the day depressed. I cancelled office hours. I did my class and came home and went to bed. Alone. I swore again that I would never allow myself to get close to another person on the net. I vowed that I wouldn't leave myself emotionally vulnerable again. I kept checking my mail to see if he'd left me a message. Nothing. I'd watch the TV and see another massive hurricane heading towards our shores, yet another disaster for our country. Finally, focussing on my work, then smoking a joint, made it possible for me to log on and write this. If I'm boring you, that's OK. I'm doing this part for me. I needed to vent to people who would understand.
Anyway, I started to think about the culture of this board, and how so many of us have contributed uniquely to it's forum and blogs. Snow Dog was always there with a caustic but logical viewpoint. We can always count on Michael to give us a kind word. There seemed to be a nice balance of testosterone in here. With GoBears around, I don't feel so outnumbered by gay guys and women (that's a joke, don't flame me). That ignores so many others that make unique contributions. And then of course there's Connor and I, the resident assholes. Slaveboy, you'll just have to fill Snowey's shoes now. You grow up fast around here.
So thanks for letting me vent. I'm not generally one to express vulnerability, and I admit that I approached this blog entry with some trepidation, but sometimes you just can't handle all of life's challenges alone.