Hi LC!

Congrats on the new blog!!

It sounds like you are very in touch with yourself, and that's a very good thing!

And as for the "boyfriend", UGH. Sorry to hear that.

CJ

Hey LC

First off, welcome to the blogging world! I can't wait to see what other fascinating things you have in store for us!

I am the same person I've always been

Only today you learn something new

You learn who I really am, and what's really true

 

You'll see me as someone different

then who you thought you always knew

You'll look deep into my eyes

to try and find the truth

 

All these year's I've been hiding from who I really am

When deep down inside I've known it all along

 

You've showed me who I am

You've showed me what is right

You've helped me to live with

This never ending lie

 

I'm done with hiding

I'm done with the lies

I finally found the truth somewhere inside

 

I may not be normal

I may not be cool

But I am happy

 

Becuase I know who I am

I am yours

I really liked this poem! I seriously think it's an excellent coming out poem, and I think it would do alot of good for other gay people to read it when they're on their own journey from the closet.

As i go back and read what i wrote, the frist thing that comes to my mind is what does this mean, what did you write this about. And surprisingly alot of people don't get it. It's not the best way to be telling people i'm Gay, but it is a start wouldn't you think?

It's a great start! Perhaps it would help if I told you the things I was thinking when reading it.

1) Obviously right away I was like "Ohh, it's about coming out"

2) Toward the end it seems to be a sort of love poem too. Like someone specific gave you the courage to accept who you are and be yourself. This is in contrast to the initial reaction I had that the poem was directed to someone who didn't know. The last line (really powerful and moving btw) instantly made me think "WOW! This poem would be great to recite as wedding vows" (but two of my best friends - lesbians - just got married so weddings, especially gay weddings, are probably on my mind more than usual)

3) It has definite Christian overtones. You may or may not have meant to include that, but a lot of the phrasing is similar and reminiscent of that used in Christian worship. For example the whole "Because I know who I am, I am yours" screams Christian profession of Faith and surrender to me. Similarly the part about finding courage to be yourself and the "You've showed me who I am, You've showed me what is right" brings to mind other common Christian themes.

Anyway, they say that how one interprets a poem says more about the person than the poem, so it makes sense that I'd read it that way. I'm gay and have gone through the coming out process. I'm a romantic person and on top of that my two best friends just got married. I've lately been re-vitalizing my Christian Faith, but from a homosexuality accepting perspective.

Of course what really matters obviously isn't my interpretation of the poem. It also doesn't even matter that much how the people in your life, the people you may have been trying to come out to, interpret it. What matters most is how it made you feel to write it. I think poetry in general, and this poem in particular, is about expressing your feelings and getting something out. It sounds to me like you did that. So in my opinion it doesn't matter that other (non-gay) people don't understand it, nor does it matter what I or anyone else at the site thought of it (really enjoyed it though ).

I mean it's not like i said anywhere in the poem "I'm gay and i don;t care what you think so bite me," you know? Becuase if it were only that easy trust me i would of done it such a long time ago. But really i wrote it to see what people would think, and how they would approach me about it, seeing as how i posted it into my myspace.

I think it was very brave of you to post that on your myspace! And don't worry about rushing to come out, I mean it sounds like you're starting to be ready for it and I think that's awesome, and if you are ready you should do it, but remember to do it at your own pace and when you are ready. There's also one important thing that you have to remember:

Your coming out is completely and entirely about you and no one else.

Several years ago, well before I even thought about coming out a friend of mine came out. Only I didn't hear it from him, I heard it through the gossip mill. So the next time I saw him when we were with mutual friends who also knew, I just casually and supportively mentioned something about him being gay to let him know that I knew and was okay with it, and that since I would have been the only one there that night that he might have to "hide it from" it wasn't necessary and he could just relax and be himself. Anyway, he just smiled and responded and went with it, and everything was cool. Later that evening though, after we'd both had several drinks, we were talking about it and he said that he was so sorry that he hadn't told me himself and that he'd been worried that I'd be mad/hurt that I didn't hear it first hand. And actually I had been, but in that moment I suddenly came to the great truth about coming out and instead responded, "Dude, this isn't about me at all, it's about you". And I remembered that when I came out myself, and it really helped. So remember, this is about YOU, not any boyfriend you may or may not have, not any of your friends, and not even any of your family, just you.

But i guess the mood i was in was a confused one, about me and how my life is currently being played out before me. How i am Gay yet closeted to mostly everyone in my life who matters the most to me. And as scared as i am, to finally come out i think in a small way i already did.

Like I said, I'm proud of you way to go!

Or only this year have i had my very frist boyfriend, which just ended up using me for sex, but hey... that is a different blog all on it's own.

I'm sorry

Only this year have i talked to other gay guys/ been to a gay club. And there are more, to me these are just things that help me to believe in myself more and who i am.

conclusion, i think in my own way i'm finally coming out and really showing the true me, the same person i have always been, and always plan to be, only now i am more open to how i feel about other guys, no matter who is watching. It's my life not theirs and i will live it the only way that will make me happy, being gay!

**Sassy finger wave/hip swing** You go, boy!

All the best

Kevin