I generally tend not to trust people or believe everything they say for quite a while. This is one of my defense mechanisms as I have been burned a lot in the past. Generally speaking, I'm not to the point where I think every word is a lie. However, it does take me a while before I believe all or most of what a person says to me. I make it a habit to look for certain patterns before I make a judgment call. This tends to save me from a lot of undue drama and even pain in some cases. While most people don't go out of their way to lie, they're not always 100% honest. Given my past experience and people who have hurt me in the past, I tend to take people's words with a grain of salt. This may not necessarily be a good thing, but it's just part of survival for me. I try not to be to the point where I won't accept help or advice from a person, but sometimes my defenses are too strong.

Once in a while, someone comes along who unknowningly is able to break my defenses and eventually get me to feel comfortable and maybe even really start to like that person. At this point, I tend not to be as skeptical as I normally am. This can create a problem, because sometimes I accidently put my trust in the wrong person and end up paying the price. This pattern seems to be one I cannot break no matter how hard I try. It's like I have some kind of self-destruct mode that leads me into a den of lions. I end up feeling the pain of disappointment and humiliation. I even carry around bitterness. I cannot figure out why I keep falling into this pattern. It seems like there's nothing I can do to stop it. I hate having to doubt people's sincerity. I know it is not necessarily normal. Once someone's actions seemingly negate their own words, I have no choice but to question sincerity. Hopefully, I will eventually find someone worthy of my trust, but I doubt it will be any time soon.