Sometimes my mind gives me a desirable scenario. My heart wants it even more. My brain says, "Maybe it's not such a good thing after all." My heart says, "Don't give up." What if everything turns out well, and I end up with what I want? My dreams and aspirations could reach fruition, but it's unlikely. I just wish it would stop so that I can get back to not wondering anymore and just stop the "What ifs" of my heart. I suppose it has to do with what I want more than anything as revealed in two recent poems, "Where is He?" and "Broken Roads", the latter being about how they lead to nowhere. Somehow I know if certain circumstances were different, I could have what I want, so that just makes it that much more painful. I just wonder if the entire cosmic balance of the universe is against me, because I have so much to offer, so much love and passion to give, but alas it must not be meant to be, so I suffer forever more. I'm going to steal my own line. "Where is he, the one who will never leave my side and will cherish me forever?" Maybe he doesn't exist.