A couple of months ago I joined a gym. I wanted to get a jump on the resolutions thing. That never works.

I started a program 4 times a week and have stuck to it. A lot of times I go daily depending on my schedule.

I put most of the time into cardio and ride an exercise bike for 45 minutes. For the balance of my time I hit the weights. After 2 months at it I'm seeing results and am pleased.

The right parts are getting harder and more defined. Other parts are shrinking... including my butt which will completely vanish sometime this summer if current trends continue.

All of my jeans have become hazardous to wear. Since my butt has been shrinking, unless my belt is as tight as possible, they will fall off. It appears that I've worked myself into a new wardrobe.

What's happening behind isn't nearly as impressive as what up front. Even in baggy jeans, losing weight makes me look like I'm hung like a horse (because I am). I've been getting looks from people who never noticed me and am really enjoying ignoring them.

My chest and arms haven't looked this good in years. My legs are getting cut.

MY dilemma now is do I go ahead with the new wardrobe or wait until I'm farther along?

I'll have to start looking at Walmart and Sears.

I'm wearing old Levi 501s that haven't seen daylight since the eighties.

I may not be "hot" but I'm a hell of a lot "warmer" than I used to be.

You may commence hitting on me, fighting over me and giggling like school girls. You won't hurt my feelings.

New Years Restitutions

I resolve to smoke more, drink more, do drugs, gain weight, have more sex, eat red (and other) meat, get in more fights, be more evil and anything else that I can think of that will make my Tom-cat look at me and say, "you d' man".