On Living The Double Life

[BeaStKid]

Married Man Seeks Same for Discreet Play

By David Amsden

 

He has a loving wife, a small child

[BeaStKid]

This is sooo true...the article was a bit lengthy but very relevant...not only for gay/bi married men but all of us who are in the closet and using the internet as an outlet...

 

The BeaStKid

[eliotmoore]

Thanks for sharing this one. You are right, it is long but worth reading.

[AFriendlyFace]

That was well-written, informative, and quite sad. In some ways I feel almost as though that could have been my fate as well.

 

Thank you for posting this, Beastkid!

Take care all and have a great day!

Kevin

[BeaStKid]

Sometimes I feel, what would have happened to all of those if the Internet hadn't been there....Sigh

[Ieshwar]

This is terrifying! And so sad.

 

Terrifying that as Kev said, it could have easily been me. I know it could coz I do have the tendency to just... get in the flow and follow the others. It's damn scary.

 

Sad coz he has lost himself-the real him- between the two lives. Sad. Sad that he's not living the life he wanted.

 

Ieshwar

[Graeme]

When I came out to my wife, the counsellor recommended a set of books that we read. One of them was by a journalist, Sue Joseph, in Sydney who put an ad in some gay newspapers, asking to interview men in heterosexual relationships.

 

She's my wife, He's just sex (the book is down near the bottom of the list). It is also available in the USA through Amazon, but it's a lot more expensive because they import it from Australia.

 

I couldn't finish it -- the book scared me too much because I could read a lot of myself in the stories and feelings expressed in the book. It covered not only the men, but their wives, healthcare workers and people who ran support groups.

 

Similarly, I could only skim the article above because I could understand what they said and did, and I really didn't want to read it.

 

It is my fervent wish that situations like this are a dying phenomenon. As homosexuality becomes more accepted by society, the need to live double-lives like this will hopefully fade away.

 

Ieshwar -- I understand what you are saying. There will be a lot of cultural pressure on you to marry a woman. All I can say is to try to do everything you can to avoid it. It can cause a huge amount of pain. I sincerely wish no one has to experience the pain my wife went through when she found out I'm gay.

[AFriendlyFace]

[rknapp]

The article itself was an interesting read, but the scary part didn't come until the end. After going through your response I decided to apply his story to mine (as it stands) to see if there were any overlaps... and I realized that his life and mine almost go hand in hand. I have two lives... the gay one here on the internet and the straight one all around me. My problem though is that I am always thinking of others when I choose to remain closeted, rather than myself, and it's becoming harder and harder to say to myself, "I'll tell them when they ask." I just hope that I can still cling to the plan of starting my life after college well away from my life before graduation and then coming out to those who matter the most, and then moving to a need-to-know basis. I'm just glad that I have so far resisted any kind of relationship beyond friendship with anyone since I dated my now best female friend for a few months in high school. Though, sometimes I want to get back together simply to protect her from the dangerous positions she puts herself in. It's the knowledge that doing so would only cause more long term damage (i.e. Williams situation with Lisa) than it would short term good (allowing her to officially kick the habit of seeking out military boys who have only caused her pain).

[BeaStKid]

Sadly...More than 60% of the gay population in India is facing the above mentioned situation and there seems to be no help in the near future. The PIL against the law which criminalizes gay sex is still pending even after 6 years...

[Graeme]

The article itself was an interesting read, but the scary part didn't come until the end. After going through your response I decided to apply his story to mine (as it stands) to see if there were any overlaps... and I realized that his life and mine almost go hand in hand. I have two lives... the gay one here on the internet and the straight one all around me. My problem though is that I am always thinking of others when I choose to remain closeted, rather than myself, and it's becoming harder and harder to say to myself, "I'll tell them when they ask." I just hope that I can still cling to the plan of starting my life after college well away from my life before graduation and then coming out to those who matter the most, and then moving to a need-to-know basis. I'm just glad that I have so far resisted any kind of relationship beyond friendship with anyone since I dated my now best female friend for a few months in high school. Though, sometimes I want to get back together simply to protect her from the dangerous positions she puts herself in. It's the knowledge that doing so would only cause more long term damage (i.e. Williams situation with Lisa) than it would short term good (allowing her to officially kick the habit of seeking out military boys who have only caused her pain).

Where you have the advantage over me is that you are now aware of the situation and the risk. I wasn't.

 

I'm sure you'll find someone, someday. I didn't have any real sort of relationship until I was well into my 20s. I didn't get married until I was 27. I can appreciate that the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to tell someone you've known for years that you're gay, but I'm confident you'll find the strength to do so -- even if you have to borrow part of that strength from your boyfriend (see, I'm an optimist ). Hey, my best on-line friend was still in the closet at the age of 36, but he's now in a very happy relationship that's been going for almost 18 months, and they are looking for a house to buy together.

 

Good luck!

[BeaStKid]

Where you have the advantage over me is that you are now aware of the situation and the risk. I wasn't.

 

I'm sure you'll find someone, someday. I didn't have any real sort of relationship until I was well into my 20s. I didn't get married until I was 27. I can appreciate that the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to tell someone you've known for years that you're gay, but I'm confident you'll find the strength to do so -- even if you have to borrow part of that strength from your boyfriend (see, I'm an optimist ). Hey, my best on-line friend was still in the closet at the age of 36, but he's now in a very happy relationship that's been going for almost 18 months, and they are looking for a house to buy together.

 

Good luck!

That is the result of the E-Age. Thanks to that, we have a more aware young generation.

[Graeme]

That is the result of the E-Age. Thanks to that, we have a more aware young generation.

I believe this, too. I don't think many people really appreciate the difference the internet has made, especially to the GLBT community. Prior to the internet, those of us who were in the closet were isolated. Now, even a closeted person can have contact with other GLBT people and gain confidence in themselves, all without significantly endangering themselves.

[BeaStKid]

I believe this, too. I don't think many people really appreciate the difference the internet has made, especially to the GLBT community. Prior to the internet, those of us who were in the closet were isolated. Now, even a closeted person can have contact with other GLBT people and gain confidence in themselves, all without significantly endangering themselves.

And that is what has made a difference. Not only can the GLBT people contact each other, the straight population can also get a first-hand experience as to what we are. Take for example GA, where we have straights as well as females who are members.