The Finale

[Jason Rimbaud]

The Finale

By: Jason R.

Written October 1st, 2007

 

Its five o

[Menzoberranzen]

Wow...of all your poetry that I've read, that is probably my favorite. Commenting on something like this is difficult, and all I can say is that you did an absolutely fantastic job of communicating your/the protagonist's feelings to the reader.

 

But something happened along the way

Divided by things we forgot how to say

 

Those are my two favorite lines. The small things that people share the in the beginning of relationships that don't get said as time progresses can really damage a relationship.

 

Anyway, great job as usual,

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

That was great, Jason! I really enjoyed reading that. It was very sad and evocative. My two favourite lines were definitely:

It

Edited October 3, 2007 by AFriendlyFace

[Ieshwar]

That was really sad and great. Nice poem. My fav lines are same as that of Kev.

 

The 'bittersweet' makes allusion to both wine and reality. It's awesome (as Kev already said. )

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Jason Rimbaud]

This my not be my favorite poem I've written, I hate the title and more than a few stanzas, but I am proud of this piece. Mainly because I normally write pieces that are very personal and deal directly with my life. But The Finale is my first try at conceiving an idea outside myself and inventing the circumstances to portray characters drifting apart slowly over time. It was a struggle, and it took me over six months to bring the piece this far along.

 

Even as of this morning, I've changed it, took out two stanza's and completely re-wrote the ending. I've flirted with about two dozen titles but I can't find one that I really like. Oh well.

 

To Menzo, Ieshwar, and Kevin, thanks for the kind words. And I just realized, Menzo liked the first two lines and Ieshwar and Kevin liked the last two lines of the same stanza. This is my favorite as well, it's the turning point of the whole piece. The protagonist realizes at that moment that his life is falling apart. I don't even think he truly loves his partner anymore, but the fear of being alone prompts him to try one last time. And in my head, it was too little, too late. Luckily, this was not one of the stanza's I changed.

 

And by the way, if anyone can think of a better title, I'm all out of ideas. The help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

 

Jason R.

[AFriendlyFace]

And by the way, if anyone can think of a better title, I'm all out of ideas. The help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

I think your title is fine, however I do clearly remember thinking "Oh, I'm surprised ___ isn't the title" when I first read the poem. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember exactly what it was that had passed through my mind. The only suggestion I can come up with now would be:

 

"In my memory"

 

It seems to sort of fit and the line appears twice in the poem:

 

....

....

But we still live in my fantasy

In my dreams it

[Ieshwar]

Hmm, I would have gone with "Bittersweet memories." But then, I'm not the person who comes out with the best titles!

[ixyam]

The Finale

By: Jason R.

Written October 1st, 2007

 

At nine o