"Within the Outside" by Green

[PeaceKeeper]

Technically, I think some editorial polishing is needed; I got confused a couple of times on who was speaking to whom.

 

Plot and character-wise, right away I felt for Randy, and hated Tim and his father for how they treated Randy and Michael. If I were Tim and had a brother, this would be a different story. I believe situations like this, happen too often in reality - so I wouldn't want to read about one more case of abuse from family members without a more positive outcome in the offing.

 

Let's hear from some other readers on what they thought about it - it was just posted earlier today. Thanks for allowing me to add my two cents worth.

 

Until next time, PK

[Umbathri]

Maybe Im not as well read as most, but its the first ive ever seen from the intollerant brothers prospective and I kinda enjoyed it. It can give the effect that the father possibly was not as much of an asshole as most intollerant dads can be, he was just ignorantly following the herd. The suicide was handled very well for a short story, leaving most of it to our imagination. But the ending reconciliation with the father seemed too quick and easy.

You definetly had to feel for Randy, but I didnt find myself hateing Tim until the 3rd or 4th time really closeing the door. His initial reactions seemed warranted. But he just couldnt come to grips with it and Randy took it way too hard, great drama.

 

Thanks for sharing

 

~Umbathri

the mask of hate is too easy to wear

[GREEN]

Maybe Im not as well read as most, but its the first ive ever seen from the intollerant brothers prospective and I kinda enjoyed it.  It can give the effect that the father possibly was not as much of an asshole as most intollerant dads can be, he was just ignorantly following the herd.  The suicide was handled very well for a short story, leaving most of it to our imagination.  But the ending reconciliation with the father seemed too quick and easy.

You definetly had to feel for Randy, but I didnt find myself hateing Tim until the 3rd or 4th time really closeing the door.  His initial reactions seemed warranted.  But he just couldnt come to grips with it and Randy took it way too hard, great drama.

 

Thanks for sharing

 

~Umbathri

the mask of hate is too easy to wear

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Thank you for replying.

I wrote this story two years ago and at the time I was dealing with several situations including the death of a close friend. Around this time is when I started to write and I used my writing to deal with them.

Thank You..... Green