A friend that only wants sex?

[Tristan Thinks]

Well, tonight he messaged me and we managed a short conversation. Here's a part of it that on the face of it seems illuminating:

 

TJ: So, what's on the agenda for tonight?

GN: A f**K from somewhere

TJ: ahh

TJ: Is it some kind of hobby?

GN: U could say that

TJ: how do you mean? I always thought you were the shy one

GN: Not me Lol

TJ: hmmm

GN: Wot?

TJ: you not being shy

TJ: Aren't you into the dating and boyfriend thing now, then?

GN: Im not shy at all

TJ: Well that's good, I guess

GN: No if u must know Im a slag

TJ: OK, well it don't bother me, as long as you're happy

GN: I am

 

The way that "I am" came over made me feel it was very defensive and reactionary.

[GaryK]

Well, tonight he messaged me and we managed a short conversation. Here's a part of it that on the face of it seems illuminating:

 

The way that "I am" came over made me feel it was very defensive and reactionary.

I guess we all see different things in a conversation. His unabashed reference to being a slag -- regardless of whether you choose to use the modern or more traditional meaning -- bothered me more than the defensive way in which he stated he was happy.

 

I stand by my gut reaction of last night. This young man needs help. I know you're not in a position to easily get it for him. I hope you will continue to try as best you can.

[Tristan Thinks]

I guess we all see different things in a conversation. His unabashed reference to being a slag -- regardless of whether you choose to use the modern or more traditional meaning -- bothered me more than the defensive way in which he stated he was happy.

In the U.K. the use of 'slag' is more common and is sometimes used as an inverted form of appreciation, but yes, in this case he was obviously using it in a demeaning manner.

In that sentence I thought the more revealing part was the "...if u must know...". It suggests he's not entirely happy/proud of the circumstances he finds himself in and expects me/others to disapprove.

 

In another part of the conversation where he was talking about how bad the Nottingham gay scene has become I half-jokingly suggested he should come over to Spain. He replied, "I couldn't because all my mates are here" and that made me think they're not that good mates and might be part of the reason he's in his current situation.

 

The conversation as a whole did have a hint of a 'self-destruct' tone to it, although me being hyper-sensitive to it at the moment it is possible I read things into it that aren't there.

[GaryK]

In that sentence I thought the more revealing part was the "...if u must know...". It suggests he's not entirely happy/proud of the circumstances he finds himself in and expects me/others to disapprove.

If you're right about that sentence then perhaps there's still a chance you can help him just by keeping in touch with him. I like how you're not judgmental and that's your avenue to help him without offending him. It might take time, but if you really want to help him, and this is the only way you can do so from your current location, then please continue to try engaging him in conversation. Even a little bit of chatting might eventually lead to him feeling like he can trust you enough to be honest with you. No doubt this will take commitment on your part, and with all you've got going on in your life right now I hope you can find the time to stay in touch with GN.

[Tristan Thinks]

Even a little bit of chatting might eventually lead to him feeling like he can trust you enough to be honest with you. No doubt this will take commitment on your part, and with all you've got going on in your life right now I hope you can find the time to stay in touch with GN.

Yeah, that's a given.

 

I'm currently chatting with another close friend, 'T', about GN. 'T' knows GN a little bit but has never been close friends. He just told me that he remembers possibly as much as a year ago deleting GN from his MSN contact list because GN messaged asking for sex and then didn't know who he was talking to.

 

He's going to add GN back and we'll see if anything comes of any conversations they might have.