[Rilbur] The Guardians

[Rilbur]

Hey guys! Now that I've started posting Guardians in e-fiction, I decided it might be a good idea to follow everyone else and have a thread in the forums here for you guys to feel free to discuss it in.

 

Say whatever you want; so long as it isn't rampant flaming I'll probably enjoy whatever you say. Compliments give me a good warm feeling, but an honest critique that helps me work out flaws gives me a chance to gather even more compliments... So talk!

[Nephylim]

This story has more twists and turns than the A470 North.

 

The characterisation is excellent. I especially like the fact that you don't give too much description which allows us to fill in the details for ourselves.

 

I am wondering where this is going. If you were living in my universe I would have a fair idea but I wonder......

 

As a random aside my favourite kind of angel is the fallen kind

[David McLeod]

The intensity of the psychodrama is grounded by the detailed complexity of this story. Characters leap from the pages. Their emotions worm into the reader's heart and mind. Definately not for the casual reader, but the reward to the serious reader is more than worth the effort.

[Rilbur]

As a random aside my favourite kind of angel is the fallen kind

 

Are you saying something about one of my characters? Because yeah, there's a fallen (well, falling) angel involved, but he isn't even in the plot yet... well, technically he is but he isn't.

 

Just out of curiosity, has anyone guessed anything about the meaning of the prophecy yet? The first part has already come 'true' in my posting elsewhere (I'm avoiding flooding the forum with 13 or 14 chapters all at once by posting once a week, but they're up...).

 

 

 

Oh, and is once a week too slow? Should I go ahead and increase it to one every few days until the story is 'caught up'?

[Zeoanne]

 

Oh, and is once a week too slow? Should I go ahead and increase it to one every few days until the story is 'caught up'?

One thing I know, I'm so into this story that I find it quite hard having to wait a whole week to read the next chapter. If you feel comfortable by posting more than once a week I promise I won't complain!

[Rilbur]

Well, soon enough you're going to be going down to a chapter a month (or slower) once I 'catch up' with where castleroland.net is. Of course, by then I might just have more stories to post, or in one case (the novella competition) posted.

 

Edit: Ok, so the temptation of the new 'upload' feature has corrupted me... enjoy the new stuff!

[Conner]

I'm glad you opened threads for your stories here in the forums. I far prefer a discussion over simple feedback.

 

I'd be lying if I didn't say how distressed I was with Eric dying in Chapter 6. Then you went on to completely devote chapter 7 to telling us what a great man he was. Mind you, the ending of chapter 7 was really quite delightful.

 

Oh well, it is your story. Perhaps I need to remind myself of the cautionary foreward you posted at the beginning of the story. Anyway, enough whining.

 

So it turns out Eric was the subject of the first part of the prophesy laid out in chapter 5. I have no idea why I didn't see that coming. :wacko: Not only that, but it seems that Eric had more than an inkling that his time was up.

 

Great story, Rilbur!

[Rilbur]

I far prefer a discussion over simple feedback

 

So do I; too bad I don't know how to get a discussion going

 

I'd be lying if I didn't say how distressed I was with Eric dying in Chapter 6. Then you went on to completely devote chapter 7 to telling us what a great man he was. Mind you, the ending of chapter 7 was really quite delightful.

 

Do you really think you were the only person upset with the end of Chapter 6? And as far as the ending of 7 goes... even I cannot guess if we're talking about the delirium of a dieing man, or a genuine contact from the afterlife. I really don't know which of those occured! Eric is staying quiet on the subject... but he keeps on prodding me to write, he wants to get to the scene where there will be a genuine 'ghost' at the wedding

 

So it turns out Eric was the subject of the first part of the prophesy laid out in chapter 5. I have no idea why I didn't see that coming.

 

Because I didn't give you enough time to think it through? Because I didn't spend time making their relationship drift apart like I could have, instead of just rushing through it?

 

(Yeah, I don't 'like' the way the first part, which ends with chapter 6, is written in a lot of ways; the second part is both better and I fear worse...)

 

Not only that, but it seems that Eric had more than an inkling that his time was up.

 

Allow me to quote parts of the next chapter (for those that don't know, ellipses are used to indicate truncated sections):

 

"Dearest Jason:

 

...I chose my fate. Please, dearest, remember that always: I chose my fate. I knew what would happen when I came to rescue you. If not the details, then at least the broad outline. I was given a Choice: your life or mine. I chose yours: now, as always. I couldn't imagine a world without you in it, I couldn't stand the thought of letting you die. ... I love you Jason. Old Marge's words, about a false love who returned a love more false and true referred to me. You lusted after me, indeed a

[DragonFire]

I have a feeling the last chapter you posted is where I left it some time ago, so am looking forward to picking up where I left off.

[Conner]

Chapter 8 was magnificent! I really enjoyed it.

 

The dialogue was excellent. Eric's letter to Jason was so sweet, so brave, so full of his strength and wisdom.

 

The graveside ceremony was tough to read. It was enormously satisfying when Ronan chastised the whispering Baptists.

 

So Jason will play a major role in the story, perhaps even as a Guardian. That's good, Rilbur, keep us readers drooling for more.

[Nephylim]

Well, I had guessed that Eric's days were numbered, as Jason's only love interest, as soon as the prophesy was cast but that just made the love scenes between Jason and Eric all the more poignant.

 

Chapter Seven was very reminiscent of my favourite Horror Movie.. Voodoo Moon. Not in any way a criticism becuase I loved it in the film and enjoyed it considerably in the book. Chapter Eight was hard to read but in the best possible way... and to be fair you did say right at the beginning that no character was safe, even the main ones.

 

As someone who had a distinct tendency to torture her characters I am wholly appreciating the twists, turns and torments... A sweet story.

[Rilbur]

I've never heard of Voodoo Moon, but I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter Nephylim.

 

As I've commented in a review response, Chapter 8 has been one of the hardest and most draining chapters I've written, emotionally, second only to the horrific nature of the rape scene. For all that my readers agree that it's a powerful piece of writing, I loath that scene simply because it was too draining on me. I wrote it in one, gut-wrenching, soul shattering go. Don't ask me the details, I've deliberately forgotten most of them. I can tell you what I did; I defined the physical aspects of it, and then placed myself in Jason's head. I had to let myself be raped to write that scene (not literally, thank whatever gods you worship!) and the horror of having to go back over it and edit it down still haunts me. I basically had to get someone to hold my hand and help me prune it down to get it to an appropriate physical level (without, 'thankfully', detracting from the emotional horror of it).

 

Of course, other chapters have been harder to write not in the emotional sense, but just because I didn't know where to go, or (more frequently) how to go there. I have a Plan for this story, and I know who is going to die. I know who is going to live. And by the Light that hurts sometimes. (Note: "Light" is a deliberate story plug that won't make sense for a long, long time...)

 

It was enormously satisfying when Ronan chastised the whispering Baptists.[/quote

 

You think it was satisfying to read? I live with a pair of southern baptists! (large reason why being 'out' is far from an option at the moment... the other aspect being I live the most conservative part of the CA, not the liberal parts. If I had someone to be outed for things might be different, but... that's not likely anytime soon, so I just duck and cover.)

 

Just out of curiosity, did anyone notice some of the subtle places where Jason's burgeoning power 'leaked out'? Some of them were obvious (the car scene...) but some of them were not-so-obvious (Music scene: how exactly did his brother, who is no musician, manage to 'match' his singing? At the grave side ceremony, 'even the wind was still in respect of the ceremony'. Oh, and when the guards want to rape him, his gaze was... 'augmented', shall we say?). What I'm especially in love with is the fact that Jason didn't even catch having done some of them ('overhearing' parts of the conversation outside the car, while he was inside it, comes to mind -- he doesn't even remember having done that, at least in part because he was in a complete funk at the moment).

 

 

 

I will admit, what tears me the most at the moment are the details I can't currently point out to you... if only because you can't see them until certain... secrets... come to light.

[Conner]

Chapter 9 was huge. Both in size and content.

 

I liked the way Jason stared down Ronan in the early part of that chapter. "Sit!"

 

 

[Rilbur]

 

I'm confused about the Arch and the making of a Guardian. Ronan faced it and now Paul and Barney...but Jason never did??? :wacko:

 

I am shocked, and amazed, at the number of people who picked up on that very, very deliberate 'mistake'. I directly address it in a latter chapter, but I have yet to actually answer that question...

 

Jason is... different. Unique. Important.

[Conner]

And now we have Quentin. Interesting character. Hitman at 12. Wouldn't it be ironic to bring him and Lara together...as in relationship. Probably won't happen. Anyways, Lara is a ballbuster...I still like her, though.

 

I'm waiting for the chapter where all the sexual tension that is building up between Ronan and Jason bursts forth...as it were. It's going to be scary...and messy.

 

Time to bust the pimp! :2hands:

[Rilbur]

And now we have Quentin. Interesting character. Hitman at 12. Wouldn't it be ironic to bring him and Lara together...as in relationship. Probably won't happen.

 

Oh... God, that is an image, isn't it? And yeah, definitely won't happen... ./shudder

 

Anyways, Lara is a ballbuster...I still like her, though.

 

Yeah, she's... intense. A little quick to judge, and rather 'hot' after having done so, but... well worth liking.

 

I'm waiting for the chapter where all the sexual tension that is building up between Ronan and Jason bursts forth...as it were. It's going to be scary...and messy.

 

Scary, yeah... messy, oooh yeah. I haven't quite 'locked' my plans in place, but... yeah.

 

Just to throw this out, but Ronan is both a top, and a dom (well, kinda).

 

Jason, for obvious reasons, will find neither of these traits easy to deal with

 

Time to bust the pimp! :2hands:

 

Ya know, by now I would have thought people would realize nothing is ever quite what you expect when I'm the writer...

 

 

 

Oh, and out of curiosity, is anyone starting to guess the meaning of the second half of the prophecy yet? It doesn't really come 'out' until chapter 15 or so, but some hints can be found, here and there. They don't even begin to touch the surface, but they do touch on the 'twist'.

[Conner]

 

Ya know, by now I would have thought people would realize nothing is ever quite what you expect when I'm the writer...

 

 

Well aren't you the clever one! Just remember, Rilbur, before the fall, pride goeth first...or something like that.

 

I am enjoying this story immensely. It's just so satisfying.

 

I'm not one for trying to discover what the writer is up to. I enjoy being surprised. I even enjoy being tricked. That sort of manoeuver just tends to engage me even more in the story. When I'm engaged like this, it's like I become totally submissive to the writer's whims. Kinky, eh?

 

The real world totally needs Guardians.

 

Chapter 11, the "Scotty Chapter" was excellent! The closing dialogue between Jason and Ashley was just so cool.

[Rilbur]

I'm glad you're enjoying the story. But you do realize that if you don't try to figure out what I'm doing, you won't be half as surprised when I do something totally different?

 

Just to warm you up (and because I found the line absolutely hilarious) here's a fragment from chapter 16... (Which, yes, means I'm writing seventeen at the moment...)

 

 

"You're hiding something," Jason accused him.

 

 

"Don't be stupid," Ronan told him.

 

 

"Do you really expect me to believe you aren't hiding something?" Jason asked, exasperated.

 

 

"Of course not! There's just no need for you to comment that water is wet, or that I'm keeping secrets. It can be assumed that I already know these things, and so do you."

 

Sorry, I just had to... I love the line too much to let it languish, in the dark...

 

Out of curiosity, for those of you that happen to be authors, how many of you have character that control the story? And, more importantly, have you ever had one set of characters leap 'ahead' of where the others are in the planned storyline?

 

I'm having a small problem, you see. Ronan and Jason are taking a nice, long, leisurely courtship to their first kiss and beyond. This was planned. The 'gathering storm' which is going to become one hell of a climax... is not taking a long, leisurely pace in it's building up. It's moving too fast, too quick. And I'm not sure how, or even if I can, slow it down.

 

Which means that any number of scenes that I thought were 'locked' in place... might not be

 

Anyone else ever have this problem?

[Nephylim]

Not exactly. The way I write is to let the story tell itself. So I have often had characters take charge of the story and move it in a completely different and surprising direction but never in the specific way you describe. I love it when that happens becuase it gets me interested in the story all over again.

[Rilbur]

Another chapter is up, please feel free to discuss and otherwise give me that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing people read it.

 

I've got another chapter to go, and then I'll have to wait for CastleRoland updates before I can post more

[Conner]

It seems to me that the more complex the plot becomes, the more cryptic the dialogue becomes. The characters themselves are at different levels of "in the know". I'm wondering who in the story is keeping track of all that. Ronan and Lara I suppose.

 

Frankly, I'm quite unsure whether I'll continue reading this story, especially if it takes a hiatus.

[Rilbur]

Well, two more chapters just went up on Castle Roland, so the hiatus is put off for at least two weeks.

 

And yea, the cryptic thing is becoming more pronounced. It's going to get worse before it gets better unfortunately. Ronan and Lara know much that they aren't talking about... Ronan knows more than Lara even begins to guess, though. They all know that he's keeping his own past secret, but that's far from the 'limit' of secrets he keeps. He knows things that completely change... well, everything. And I do mean everything.

 

 

 

Is the cryptic thing really a problem, though? I mean, I know there's a lot going on that you aren't 'in the know' for, but I thought that would just raise the suspence a little.

[Conner]

 

Is the cryptic thing really a problem, though? I mean, I know there's a lot going on that you aren't 'in the know' for, but I thought that would just raise the suspence a little.

 

You realize of course that this is all about me and has nothing to do with your story.

 

I guess this is going to vary from reader to reader. And, yeah, you can't please everyone. For me, suspense is knowing that Paul was walking into that ambush in the last chapter. Why Jason is "special" is not suspenseful for me; it's a puzzle. Too many puzzles frustrate me and, here's the real reason, I don't want to feel stupid.

[Rilbur]

Oh. Don't feel stupid; I deliberately didn't include enough information for you to figure it out. There are a few hints here and there as to the nature of his differences, but I didn't want readers to figure it out... so I didn't include the necessary info

 

Anyway, just look forward to chapters 16 and 17; a lot of secrets hit a dead end there and come out. Plenty more remain (Ronan's past, and his source of knowledge...) but 'most' end up resolved.

[Rilbur]

Well, once again a new chapter is out (Chapter 14), and I've got one more chapter to go before I have to wait for Castle Roland to update. Hope you guys enjoy it!