Dani'el

[Nephylim]

By popular request... well you're popular with me hun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, I had sat gazing into the pool and waiting for my friend.

 

Too large now to sit on your shoulders, raised above the corn,

 

Burying my face in your sweet hair, the colour of honey scented with fresh air and the sweetness of angels.

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child I had thought myself too old for your stories.

 

Too impatient to grow up and experience for myself the touch of a man

 

Lost in the image in the pool, my own heart was lost, waiting beneath the tree for the man with the sweetness of angels

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, I had never experienced the depth of which you spoke

 

Too inexperienced to recognise the tone when you spoke his name

 

Too lost in my own dreams to realise the depths of yours when you spoke of the man you loved with the sweetness of an angel

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, I have never felt the touch of a man's hand on my body

 

Too innocent to picture the pleasure and the pain

 

To know the depth to which your heart endured the rejection of the one to whom you turned with all the sweetness of an angel

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child I gazed into you deep eyes and saw his reflection there

 

Too hurt that my true friend loved someone else

 

To spiteful to understand the selfishness with which I shut you out when your heart bled for the love of your sweet angel

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, I feared his darkness and his dour expression

 

Too blind to see the heart that beat beyond

 

To listen to your heart when it spoke to me of the fear you felt that you would lose the love of your sweet angel

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, I had been cosseted and protected

 

Too ignorant to know the pain of loss

 

To soothe your confusion and your sadness for the darkness that shut you off from the love of your sweet angel.

 

 

How could I understand when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, I had never known the heights to which you had risen,

 

Too naïve to have traversed the depths

 

To which you had been plunged, the dark path that you had walked in the shadow of your sweet angel

 

 

How could I understand you when you spoke to me of love?

 

A child, to me all was simple black and white.

 

Too light to realise that not all that was good was bright

 

To hide from darkness was my childish wish, to run from all that was not bright and good and I feared the sweetness of angels.

 

 

And then I fell.

 

And then I learned

 

And then I understood

 

 

Now I understand what you told me of your love

 

Now I understand the pain of loss and suffering alone

 

Now I understand how dark love can be, how lonely it can leave you

 

Now I understand why you wept when you spoke his name even as you laughed out loud in the saying of it

 

Now I understand why your eyes went dark when you thought of him even as your soul grew light in the knowing of him

 

Now I understand why your lips fell silent when you thought of him even thought your heart was bursting by all that you wanted to say

 

Now I understand why your spirit soared at the mention of him even though the touch of his hand led you into darkness

 

Now I understand why you were full of him when all I wanted was for you to be there for me, just for me

 

When all you wanted was to be there for him and he for you.

 

 

You were the brightest star I ever knew

 

You were the sweetest soul I ever touched

 

You were the kindest heart I ever broke

 

You were the best friend I ever had.

 

And you were always his and he was always yours

Edited July 31, 2010 by Nephylim

[phana14]

Nephy. Oh dear! This was NOTHING what I was expecting!

This is such a touching, soul burning and yet loving story!

This really WAS someone in your past? There actually exists(ed) someone who could inspire that amount of emotion?

This is so hard for me, Nephy. I feel so sorry that you lost this person. Really, truly sorry!

And of course I would be remiss if I didn't point out how hard it is for me, a non- writer, to understand how you can put THIS kind of emotion into something SO different--uh oh- I just realized what I was saying!

You are a writer! You write stories so dark sometimes that it seems there is no soul OR heart inspiring them!

I am going to cherish this particular item very, very close to me!

(and I'm going to steal it)

Gods love you Nephy!

This one NEVER should have been stuck in a closet!!! And I owe you for this one- big time.

*BIG HUGS*

[Nephylim]

Dani'el was a very good friend of mine. He used to visit when I was a child and carry me around on his shoulders and make me laugh. He made me a flute and bought me presents. He was a traveller and I used to just about burst when I saw him appear and break my heart when he went again.

 

He fell in love with someone and I hated it when he talked about him because I felt he was taking my Dani'el away from me. At the time I was a child, about 10/12 and I dind't understand anything about live. I didn't realise that it can be shared and that it can be different.

 

He went through a lot with that love and I really regret now that I wasn't there for him. I think I was one of the very few he could tak to about it... maybe because I didn't understand. He struggled for years. And then I fell in love. I found my soul mate and I lost him. I still mourn him now. I don't think I will ever love anyone else that way. That's what broke up the two relationships I have had since.

 

THe thing is that Dani'el died before I could tell him that I understood, that I was there for him. I was too caught up in my own life and looking back I remember the way he looked at me as if.... I don't know as if he wanted to talk to me now I was more likely to undertand but didn't want to spoil what I had or to risk that I might not have understood. I dont know maybe I woulnd't have.

 

There was never anything sexual between Dani'el and I and I later became best friends with is lover, Gods I have adopted him as my brother and he is the greatest support I have now that I am alone. But, without doubt Dani'el was the best friend I have ever had and probably ever will have. If only I had realised it when I could have told him

 

Oh, and you can't steal it hun... you can't steal what is freely given. I was selfish with Dani'el once and I wil never, ever be again.

Edited August 1, 2010 by Nephylim

[Toast]

This is the first thing of yours that I read, way back when. Thanks for putting it back up.

 

love Sam.

[Nephylim]

Don't thank me, thank Phana. I would never have thought to repost it if he hand't asked.

[ricky]

Don't thank me, thank Phana. I would never have thought to repost it if he hand't asked.

 

That was spectacular. Heart felt and moving. Thanks Phana, you made my day. Nephy helped a little too. But as she pointed out, if you hadn't asked . . .

[Nephylim]

Thanks ricky. It was heartfelt, totally so.