= THE COMSIE METHOD #2 =

[Comicality]

 

Whenever you have a conversation going on between two or more characters, whether it's a major part of the plot or just some witty banter to display a certain relationship between them...be CAREFUL of overusing the term 'He Said'/'She Said' in your projects. If you've already written something before now...go back and look at how many times you used those exact words.

 

'I said'..."I like you a lot, Jerry."

 

Then 'Jerry said', "I like you too."

 

"So...do you wanna go out sometime?" 'I said'.

 

"I'd love to." 'He said'.

 

You may not even notice that you're doing it until later when you're looking back at it. But it's there, and it's something to watch out for. That repetition of 'said said said' can be really hard to avoid sometimes, and sometimes it can take a reader out of the moment by making your writing more 'noticeable' than the story. (More on that next Friday)

 

Some tricks that I've learned to get around this...

 

1) Try to keep a mental list of alternatives to use instead of 'said'. Like, 'He replied', 'She asked', 'they wondered', 'I told him', 'we shouted', 'he giggled'...anything that you can use to avoid using the same word over and over again.

 

2) Cut down on mentioning it at all. If it's a back and forth conversation (especially if it's between just two characters), then you can go a few lines of dialogue without people getting lost as to who is speaking. The paragraph breaks between dialogue should display that just fine. So, for example, you can change this:

 

"I'm going home now." Billy said.

 

"But why?" Joey asked.

 

"Because, this isn't working out." Billy Told him.

 

"What am I doing wrong?" Joey replied.

 

"Nothing. It's not you, it's me." Billy sighed.

 

Into something more like this:

 

"I'm going home now." Billy said.

 

"But why?"

 

"Because, this isn't working out."

 

"What am I doing wrong?" Joey replied.

 

"Nothing. It's not you, it's me."

 

That way, you only really have to use the 'he said' idea every once in a while as a reminder to the reader as to who is speaking. It keeps things easy to read, and your dialogue won't get cluttered with too much direction from the author. Take the number of 'he said'/'she said's and cut them in half, if you can.

 

3) Instead of describing who's talking, use action to serve the same purpose. What is the character doing? What is he thinking? It can be something very simple, but the action alone will guide your readers to the character who's getting ready to say something. Example...instead of saying:

 

"I think I might have a crush on somebody." I said.

 

"Oh? Is that so? Is it anybody I know?" Robert said.

 

I told him, "Yeah...I guess you could say that."

 

"Omigod! Is it me?" He gasped.

 

Maybe you could try this instead:

 

I felt a tremble in my stomach as I looked him in the eye. "I think I might have a crush on somebody."

 

"Oh? Is that so? Is it anybody I know?"

 

"Yeah...I guess you could say that."

 

Suddenly, Robert's eyes widened, and he gasped, "Omigod! Is it me?"

 

It's a small change, but I found that it reads a little bit smoother than it did before. And it's always good to give a living detailed visual whenever you're given the opportunity for one.

 

So there you have it! Try it out, get comfortable with it. Just remember that the more 'flow' your writing has to it, the easier it will be for people to embrace the story that you're trying to tell.

 

Best of Luck!

 

 

***Just A Humble Lesson From The 'Comsie-Method'! Enjoy!***

 

 

 

 

[phana14]

And here is a big *thank you* from a reader, Comsie.

 

THANK YOU!!!!!

[Agincourt]

I think the last part of your message is especially important (namely, integrating bits of action and setting with the dialogue). This prevents long stretches of disembodied dialogue, that tend to turn the story into more of a stage play.

 

I often find myself going back into a dialogue scene and adding these bits in a second pass. Sometimes I discover that the bits I add make some of the dialogue redundant, and it can be removed, because an action taken, or a facial expression, conveys the same point and does so more naturally and organically than just saying it.

 

Doing this also allows the author much closer control over the pacing of a scene. Obviously, too much description and activity interspersed with the dialogue may slow things down. But by having this control, and having the ability to vary pace, the overall read becomes less fatiguing to the reader.

 

I guess what I'm really saying is that well-crafted dialogue fits in closely with everything else that's going on in a scene. It shouldn't call attention to itself or seem forced and unnatural.

 

Here is a snippet I wrote several years ago that illustrates some of these points. I'm not claiming that it's the finest thing ever written, just that it shows striking a balance between talking, thinking, and action:

 

Etienne hammered a couple of galvanized pins into the wood to hold the cross-piece in place. He then pulled off his right glove and wiped the back of his hand across his perspiring forehead.

 

"That's one more done, Enzo," Etienne said. "We're almost finished up here. We just need to put the diagonal brace cable on this section."

 

"I had no idea this fencing stuff was so complicated," said Enzo, removing the crank handle from the pulley and throwing it in the back of the trailer. The resulting loud clank caused several nearby birds to flutter into the air.

 

"It's really not too bad, as long as you have the right tools," Etienne replied. "And I have to say again that the work goes much faster with two people." Etienne grinned at Enzo. "I think we're going to have to keep you here even after your family goes back home."

 

"That sounds like an idea," said Enzo cheerfully.

 

The sun had moved into the western sky, and the trees, rocks, and fence posts had started to cast noticeable shadows. A few soft clouds had appeared above the horizon, while a gentle breeze had come up to relieve some of the heat.

 

Enzo walked to the ragged stump of a lightning-struck tree, unzipped, and peed at the base. "Boy, have I been waiting to do this!" he announced.

 

"Make sure you don't get too dehydrated," Etienne cautioned. "There's still plenty of water in the back of the tractor."

 

"Yeah, my pee was kind of dark yellow," Enzo replied, shaking his dick to clear the last drops. After zipping up, he found the plastic container of water and took several long swallows.

 

This, thought Enzo, had been a perfect day. Out here with Etienne, in the open sunshine, doing satisfying work -- what more could you ask? And of course there had been a pretty hot session with Etienne back by the pond. He wondered what his stayabed brother was up to back at the house. This brought his mind abrubtly back to Nichole, and yesterday's "game," as she and her brother called it. He supposed that the two of them were probably doing more of the same today. No doubt his brother was enduring any humiliation she could think of, just for the chance to jerk himself off while feeling her cunny ... or something equally stupid.

 

Etienne stood with one foot, then the other, on the wheel cover of the trailer, adjusting his shoelaces. He then stretched his arms high in the air, and bent over to touch his fingers to the ground, letting his back muscles relax.

 

"Etienne," Enzo asked, "why do you think Nichole likes to tease and be so mean to boys?"

 

"Oh, I don't know, Enzo," said Etienne, ending his stretch and gazing thoughtfully toward the younger boy. "I think some people just get a rush out of dominating others."

 

"Well, she sure knows how to do that," said Enzo. "She got us to do all kinds of things yesterday. And I'll bet she's doing more things with Anthony today."

 

"You're probably right," said Etienne. He went to get the plastic water container, walked back while taking a long drink, and then handed it to Enzo, who took a drink. "Here's something to think about, though. She doesn't have any brothers ... or sisters, for that matter. She may not really know how to relate to boys."

 

"Now you're starting to sound like a school counselor or something," said Enzo with a trace of a scowl.

 

"Well, there's something else to consider as well," said Etienne, taking the water back from Enzo. "Some people get off on being dominated."

 

It took a moment for this penny to drop. "Like my brother, you mean?" Enzo looked at Etienne with dawning realization. "You think he actually enjoys being humiliated and being made to do things by Nichole?"

 

"Maybe," replied Etienne. "You know him much better than me. But that could explain a lot of things."

 

"Whoa, maybe I can do some dominating of Anthony myself," said Enzo with a devilish smile.

 

"I think it depends on whether you've got something he wants badly enough." With mock seriousness, Etienne patted Enzo on both sides of his chest and on his groin, then shook his head. "You may not have the right equipment."

 

"Oh, yeah," said Enzo.

 

Etienne took another swallow of water. He stood quietly for several moments, then spoke: "You know what I think?"

 

"What?"

 

"I think you should enjoy your week here." Etienne looked intently at Enzo. "Didn't you find anything you did yesterday exciting?"

 

Enzo thought about this for a moment. He had to admit that there had been kind of a thrill to the naughtiness ... such as when he "flashed" the young girl in the town market by lifting his shirt and pushing down his baggy jeans, so she could see not only his pubes but the base of his dick. He also had to admit that he had been very turned on when Nichole made Anthony cum on him, and when he in turn came on Anthony's face.

 

"Well ... I guess there were some pretty good parts to it," Enzo replied.

 

"By my count she had you cum at least twice, right?"

 

"That's right," Enzo said. "But it wasn't so much because I cared about seeing her tits or feeling her cunny," he added.

 

"She doesn't know that."

 

This took a moment to sink in.

 

"So you can play along for whatever reasons you want," Etienne continued, "without having to do it for the reasons she thinks you're doing it."

 

Enzo nodded. "I think I see what you're saying. But I still want to do something to turn the tables on her while we're here."

 

"Nothing says you can't," replied Etienne. "And it sounds like she deserves it." He looked at Enzo with a serious expression. "I told you I would help you plan something, and I will. Just understand that you boys are going to have to carry out whatever it is by yourselves. I work for her father and I don't want to risk getting in trouble and losing this job. Plus I am a little older, as you know." He raised an eyebrow to underline this last point.

 

"No problem. We just need a good plan," said Enzo.

 

"Good." Etienne put his arm around Enzo, and the two walked to the back of the trailer. "Grab the crimping tool and that box of No. 2 crimp fasteners," he said to Enzo, as he pulled out the reel of fencing cable and some heavy cutters. "Let's get this bracing cable rigged, and then we can talk about the plan as we head back down."

 

Looking at this again, I probably could have pulled out a few more "he said" attributions. But the main point is that the characters weren't just standing in an unspecified place and talking at each other -- they were doing things. I find it helpful to incorporate that stuff.

 

A

[Hamen Cheese]

This one I totally agree with.