Stories

[DezyreeSalvatore]

Dezy here, check out a litle peice of my 1st storie,

 

The tulsa sunshine was immensly hot, raining down on the historic buildings making them look like giant towers. Naia-Rae reached into her pocket to find her front door key still in there, "I deffinatly wont be needing this anymore", she said tearfully and reluctantly placed the key under the door and started running into the wood.

[Pai-kun]

A friendly suggestion is to use a grammar and spelling check. I used to use such tools frequently when I was younger since English isn't my first language. I see a few mistakes in your text so I thought I'd suggest it. The story itself I have nothing to say about, since it's only one line.

Edited March 12, 2011 by Pai-kun

[Dark Princess]

A friendly suggestion is to use a grammar and spelling check. I used to use such tools frequently when I was younger since English isn't my first language. I see a few mistakes in your text so I thought I'd suggest it. The story itself I have nothing to say about, since it's only one line.

 

 

 

You are so Mean     Pai-Kun . . .  

 

Dezy - I really like the story. Where are you going with it? Is she breaking up with him?  

 

 

I would love to read the rest and spelling is hard. Spelling checks are good but don't beat yourself up if a word is spelled wrong we still know what you mean to say  

Edited March 13, 2011 by Dark Princess

[Nephylim]

I'm not a huge fan of spelling and grammar checks... maybe it's because they really hate my writing but my pages are usually full of squiggly green lines.

 

I think that Pai-Kun was actually being helpful. Who wants to post a story and have no one read it just because no one pointed out the flaws beforehand? I am always profoundly grateful when someone criticises something I've written. If all you get are people saying how much they like what you've written how are you ever going to improve. Of course there has to be balance. If people are constantly pointing out mistakes then you will just get demoralised. Just be aware that someone who is pointing out errors is your friend not your enemy

 

We all make mistakes and I am forever recommending that people get an editor. The simple fact is that we never truly read what we have written. I have read over chapters of mine three or four times only to have editors point out stupid mistakes. For me it's mostly tense slips and typos, other people have different slips.

 

Someone I used to write for used to put money in a jar every time I spotted a mistake between its and it's. He never learned and he must have had a lot of money in that jar in the end.

 

The point I am making is that no one writes perfectly, especially when they are first starting. It is no shame for someone to point out that your story needs polish.

 

I would heartily suggest that you get an editor to help you with your story before you post.

 

I will be looking out for the first chapter. Your snippet really doesn't give much of the story away but I like the syle so far.

[Freddyness]

Hey dezy, I shoulda told ya sooner. You can get someone to check over your work if your unsure of your grammar or words :3

[Tipdin]

Dezy here, check out a litle peice of my 1st storie,

 

The tulsa sunshine was immensly hot, raining down on the historic buildings making them look like giant towers. Naia-Rae reached into her pocket to find her front door key still in there, "I deffinatly wont be needing this anymore", she said tearfully and reluctantly placed the key under the door and started running into the wood.

Every writer needs a good grammar and spelling checker. The less a writer knows about grammar and spelling, the more important it is to use the checker.

 

Your imagery is odd. How does hot sunshine rain or make historic buildings look like giant towers? How does a person place a key under a door? (That door does not fit the opening?) If someone is running into the wood, are they slamming themselves into a fence? Or did you mean forest? With wording like what you have given us, more detail is required to make the meaning more accurate.

Edited March 14, 2011 by Tipdin

[DezyreeSalvatore]

Thanks guys ^.^

[Nephylim]

Every writer needs a good grammar and spelling checker. The less a writer knows about grammar and spelling, the more important it is to use the checker.

 

Your imagery is odd. How does hot sunshine rain or make historic buildings look like giant towers? How does a person place a key under a door? (That door does not fit the opening?) If someone is running into the wood, are they slamming themselves into a fence? Or did you mean forest? With wording like what you have given us, more detail is required to make the meaning more accurate.

 

 

Actually, I liked the imagery

 

See how subjective writing is

[MidnightSecret]

Dezy here, check out a litle peice of my 1st storie,

 

The tulsa sunshine was immensly hot, raining down on the historic buildings making them look like giant towers. Naia-Rae reached into her pocket to find her front door key still in there, "I deffinatly wont be needing this anymore", she said tearfully and reluctantly placed the key under the door and started running into the wood.

 

So far it sounds very surreal, very creative, as if there are no boundaries (:

I'm so looking forward to reading this! Good luck! <3

[sucre]

Your story sounds interesting! Besides what others have already said, try your best to avoid "-ly" words. It might sound nit-picky, but when you limit a few adverbs to a page, your sentences tend to flow much better, and keep the reader engaged. I hope to see your story here soon... happy writing!

[DezyreeSalvatore]

Might take a while but thanks so much x

[ToddYoung]

I like it as the beginning to a story. It would certainly make me want to read on and see what happens. I liked the imagery of the giant towers and the running into the forest. The only suggestion I would have (apart from the spell check) is to be less specific about the door key. Instead of saying "Naia-Rae reached into her pocket to find her front door key still in there" you could just say "Naia-Rae reached into her pocket to find her key."