Depression

[Mark92]

It's good to see everyone offering each other support. I try to talk to everyone if I can, Paperwork is my downfall. I either leave the PC off and get it done, or try to multitask which i'm not very good at. I say I am an ear for everyone. But sometimes I need time to myself. To try and sort my life out instead of being there for everyone else. I hope you do get an email back Harcallard

Its hard to chat with PM's so email is the thing or asking them about what messengers they have so its instant.

 

All

[harcallard]

Thanks Mark.. I do understand that people need their own time.. heaven knows I do... yes I did get a reply back and basically it wasn't quite the answer I was expecting. I was told that I am over bearing and that no one got his full attention. oh what else was there oh yes that I was too clingy. I then sat and read through the conversation log and I noticed one thing that stood out and that was he was really superficial and the conversations were always one sided it seemed. However, my Bf, pointed that out to em a few days ago and I chose not to believe him. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am fine with it now and I am now taking it for what it is. I hope you all have a great and safe 4th of July. Hugs.

[Mark92]

Hey Harcallard, All I can add to that is, you have really lost nothing. A true friend is there through thick and thin, who is more interested in you then themselves.

Stay on the up my friend

 

Hugs all

[harcallard]

I am sad to hear of the passing of Nathan89. He was a good guy who was full or life and potential. This event as well as being in the accident I was recently in, it has made me begin to look at each day and everything it can offer because you never know when it might be your last. I hope Nathan is finally at peace.

 

Well today is the last day I will be 43..I will be turning 44 tomorrow.. YEA for me.. I am excited to be the age that I am at now. I mean there is nothing I can do about it so I might as well enjoy it.

 

I was a but sad and depressed today thinking how pitiful it is that I have to plan my own birthday party. My BF cant do it because he is in the closet, and well my other friends I don't htink they even gave a thought about it.. yeah I know what your thinking its pretty sad and pathetic...So I took it upon my self not to wait for anyone to do it, so I have ordered my cake, and all the trimmings.. So it will be a happy day regardless.

 

I went back to my dr.'s today to check my broken ribs which seem to be really hurting me at the moment.. he told me they seem to be healing right on track and to expect days of pain.

 

Thank you all so much for the advice you gave me on writing the e-mail to my friend..He did reply that he was indeed busy most of the time and did not know I felt the way I did.. so we are working out a way we can both chat and do what we have to do:)

 

I hope you all have a great day as for me I need to go lay down for a bit and take a pill.. Hugs

[Mark92]

It's been a bit of a sad time all round of late, with the news of Nathan and all of us hoping on hope for Roan. I dont believe in god, but I care and I feel sorrow for one's passing and the others saddest of stories. I want to say they are both in my thoughts. Now its clear how fragile life is, and we should all be living it to the max.

A very sad day indeed.

Harcallard I believe age is just a number, I'm 19, but the work and the weather haven't been kind to me. I look a lot older, but have the heart and mind of a 19 year old. So if you dont feel old, dont act it. Be young and stay young.

 

Hugs all

Edited July 5, 2012 by Mark92

[comicfan]

I think I will just pass a few quick comments.

 

1) Nathan - I don't think there is one of us who doesn't agree it was far too soon for him. His future was bright and to have it cut short goes to show you how much you have to enjoy your life. You don't know when it will end and for what reason. My heart goes out to his friends and family as they deal with this tragedy.

 

2) Harcallard - Birthdays are just a chance to renew yourself. I've had birthday bashes and birthday disasters. There are things you can control and things you can't. Seems like you are taking no chances and preparing to have a blast. I'm glad you are. My friends will tell you I try never to let a holiday go by without a card, a call, or a gift. Sometimes a bit of all of them. It is for the simple reason they mean something to me. Just as you hate being forgotten try to remember to reach out to your friends when there is an occasion in their lives. Help to make it special by being you. Enjoy your birthday and I wish you the joy and love you deserve.

 

3) Mark - If I could simply make you see how beautiful you really are. Life comes at you, for some gently for others like a freight train off the rails. You deal with things and keep right on going. Your life is full, with your farm, Stu, your farm hands, and your friends. Remember to enjoy the gifts life brings you and forgive those who mistreat you, not for their sake, but so you can move on and forget the pain of being reminded. It isn't always easy but for your own peace of mind, it is so worth it. Remember there are those who love and care about you.

 

Was a long day at work and my job is restructuring. Time will tell what that means to me personally, but truthfully I am not worried. That I suppose is scary in and of itself.

 

For those in need here is a , and remember to always share a cause they are free and take few muscles to make than a frown.

[Yettie One]

I've got to be honest, I've had a bit of a struggle the last few days.

 

I felt really bad that such a nice young guy could go so suddenly. The horrible stuff always seems to happen to the best people. Meh, look I know life is pretty rough. If I could use expletives, that would be written totally differently, I'm sure you get the picture. Thing is I guess I'm just angry that so many of the people who give you reason to smile, or make you feel like its ok to be who you are, to have the problems you have and to feel the way you do, are going through a whole lot of stuff themselves. It just seems so unfair.

 

I guess I been feeling really angry at the world for a few days.

 

We were watching a program on telly last night talking about scientists working on finding a pill that will help mankind live till they are 150 or even beyond. At the end of the program the woman says that she couldn't think of anything worse...

I can't remember her exact words, but it was something along the lines of, I've had a good innings, but I'm tired now. I'm over 100 years of age, and its time.

I sat there and thought hmmmmm. I'm approaching 40 and feel that love.

 

I know we are supposed to enjoy life, we never know how much of it there is left. But I just can't help wonder what there is to enjoy. Thing is, I know I'm on a one way course to pain and hurt in my current situation being mom's main carer. We've always been so damn close, that I struggle to deal with what's going on around us, and heaven forbid that day arrive when I have to say goodbye. I don't know how I will deal with that.

 

They say you find the strength, but right now, I'm feeling a bit battered and bruised, and trying to deal with a rage of emotions quietly without upsetting the fragile balance of our normality is not easy. And then I sit here and I read about the struggles that everyone else goes through and I feel stupid and selfish. This isn't easy.

 

An awful lot of people will miss you Nathan.

 

Harcallard, a very happy birthday my friend. I hope that you have a great day regardless of how it pans out. And well done for taking the bull by the horns and sorting out things with your friend. That is such a positive outcome.

 

Marky hope things on the farm are going well with all this weather. It can't make getting about easy, and hope its not affecting the animals too much. I know your missing Stubby lots, so sending ya a massive huggle. Keep smiling Yorkie, you are a rock we all admire.

 

Wayne hope things don't get to hectic at work. Restructure can always be a stressful time. Thanks for the hug, and glad your better and the heat has quelled a bit.

 

Hugs to anyone else that want's one, hope your doing good and life is treating you well. Thanks for letting me vent.

[CassieQ]

It's been a rough week. Hell, it's been a rough year. I don't know how much more I can take right now.

 

I miss Nathan like crazy. I cried for hours when I found out he was gone. I went to the fair Wednesday night with my sister to try to take my mind off things, but that only halfway worked. They had a fireworks display and all I could think about was that Nathan might have liked them and then I realized all the things that Nathan would never get to experience. I almost burst into tears there, but I didn't want to embarrass my sister by turning into a weepy mess.

 

I've been worried sick about Roan. We finally have some good news on that front, but the thought of losing him too was nearly unbearable.

 

I feel worn down and exhausted. Every time I try to pull shit together and move forward, it seems like something just knocks me back on my ass. I am ready for 2012 to be over and done with.

[Mark92]

Awww my dear Cassie, I wrote in an earlier post about me being in a deep pit with slippery slides. I get almost to the top and slide back down again. So you're not on your own, distraction is the best thing I've found, but it has to be a really involving distraction or it just takes the edge off. Its the time of the year for me to sort out my finances. I hate it I get so stressed out because I dont know maths at all. I put things down and forget where I put them. Currently its Council Tax its got to be sorted. I am missing the most vital letter, just one and my house looks like a tip because I cant find it. I'm cranky and worn out and so glad Stuby is at work and not with me lol. Anyways, hugs are always here for you girl. Try and keep your chin up, and hopefully soon we will have more news about Roan.

 

Hugs all

[Yettie One]

Funny how a grey day can help with a grey mood.

 

I'm getting just a little bit sick of this rain. Meh.

 

Well, a new week has begun. Time to try feel better about life I think. Hmmmmmm, so where to begin? I was thinking to myself, I'm slowly starting to make some decent friends through GA. That is a change on life's outlook. It's a positive, and it's the positives that are going to make things different right?

So note to self, focus on the good things and try make them better right? That sounds like a good idea. I'm going to give it a go.

 

Cassie, I hear you so loud and clear, its as if your sat next to me. The only thing I can say to you is that Nathan is in a better place where life can touch or hurt him. He's up there smiling down on us all now, free, happy and making another part of our world just as special as he made ours.

 

The idea of Roan suffering so is quite unbearable. I can only join with you in praying every day for his speedy recovery.

 

Dealing with loss is an emotion we are not really equipped as humans to deal with. It challenges each of us differently, and will be something we each process in our own way. I guess talking about it, and being able to share it is important, and will help to sort out those thoughts and feelings that kept bottled away will only make it worse, so its good to talk. It's not a nice subject to talk about, but all the same, I think you'll find there are people listening and willing to share with you. I really hope you start to feel better.

 

Mark, gosh I know that frustration bro. I cannot stand it when I can't find something I want. I would say to you, it'll be in the last place yo u look, but that is just the most daft saying in the world really, as it is only logical that once you've found it, you don't continue looking for it!!!!!!!

We do come up with strange epressions. I hope that the maths comes together a little easier for you mate. I know I hate year end accounts too. Always makes for a stressful time. Yettie hugs buddy.

 

To the rest of you lovely people, its a new week, and I really hope that the world treats you well for once. Hang in there, and if ya want an ear to twist or someone to listen, give me a shout. I'll be here.

Yettie out.

xx

[CassieQ]

Awww my dear Cassie, I wrote in an earlier post about me being in a deep pit with slippery slides. I get almost to the top and slide back down again. So you're not on your own, distraction is the best thing I've found, but it has to be a really involving distraction or it just takes the edge off. Its the time of the year for me to sort out my finances. I hate it I get so stressed out because I dont know maths at all. I put things down and forget where I put them. Currently its Council Tax its got to be sorted. I am missing the most vital letter, just one and my house looks like a tip because I cant find it. I'm cranky and worn out and so glad Stuby is at work and not with me lol. Anyways, hugs are always here for you girl. Try and keep your chin up, and hopefully soon we will have more news about Roan.

 

Hugs all

 

I don't want to be in the pit. Not unless it is filled with pillows and blankets. Or hot naked people.

....

What was I talking about again?

 

So I am doing better now that I am back at work. It does really well at keeping my mind off of stuff. The downfall to last week was that I had a holiday off of work and I had too much time to sit around and think about stuff.

Good luck with the finances. I doubt I would handle it much better than you would. I can't handle math OR paperwork...it would be hell for me.

 

Yettie: Huge hugs to you. You don't know how much you have helped me out.

[Bumblebee]

There's something I want to ask, why do you guys "pray for people" I don't understand why?

Why not just tell the person who your wanting to get better, to me it seems stupid to talk to yourself about wishing someone else good health or something.

 

 

[harcallard]

It all boils down to what you believe and what you don't believe. Some believe in a higher being and some do not.

[Mark92]

There's something I want to ask, why do you guys "pray for people" I don't understand why?

Why not just tell the person who your wanting to get better, to me it seems stupid to talk to yourself about wishing someone else good health or something.

 

Its just a way of expressing hope. I dont pray for anyone, You have to believe in something for that. Its just a way of saying "I'm thinking of you" or I'm hoping you will get better soon". Some people do pray, and you have to respect that is what they do. Just because you dont do it. Doesnt mean others are the same.

 

 

Good to see you getting better Cassie, what you go through at home and bored, is what I call "The bad side" It creeps in and upsets your thoughts and turns everything negative. But a little distraction and I tell it to sod off.

 

Hey Harcallard good to see you again,

 

Hugs all round

Edited July 11, 2012 by Mark92

[Yettie One]

There's something I want to ask, why do you guys "pray for people" I don't understand why?

Why not just tell the person who your wanting to get better, to me it seems stupid to talk to yourself about wishing someone else good health or something.

 

I am sorry that you think that someone's expression of hope for the recovery of a person that is ill strikes you as being stupid Bumblebee. Prayer isn't only about talking to yourself about what you wish for.

 

For me personally, prayer is a way of sharing my worry or hope with others. Does it do any good? I cannot answer that question, I guess faith is about trusting that something will change regardless of my words or not.

 

There are many different theories of positive thinking. One such idea would suggest that if enough people channel positive energy through a combined focus of for example prayer, hope or wishing for someone's well being, that it can have an effect.

 

Others believe in the power of God and that in being unselfish by putting the well being of another before your own selfish needs, that God may hear your words and provide a miracle or healing.

 

I grew up in a religious home and I guess I have a faith, although I do not agree with all the teachings of the church. I also live in a country several thousand miles from the person I care for, and therefore in the absence of being able to pick up a phone and talk to him, or jump in the car and visit him, I can but hope for his recovery. If that means that I mumble to myself every night in some silly ritual in the desire to see him get better, so be it, I'll gladly make that effort for him and anyone else I care about. It does not hurt me or them, and who knows, if it does help, at least someone is trying it hey?

 

I guess the important thing to remember BumbleBee is that everyone is the world is different. We all have our own unique weirdness, I'm sure if I knew you better, I'd find there are things that you do that seem strange or silly to me, but it is who you are, and just because what you do is something I do not understand, does not make it any less important, meaningful or real to you, so I must learn to accept it and you without judgement. Hope that helps explain why bud.

 

Hugs to everyone, hope your having a really great week.

[harcallard]

I am having a very good day and this is a positive thing for me.

 

Mark..I am glad to see you as well mate. Hope all is well with you and yours.

 

Yettie One.. I agree with you totally. We are all different and this difference is what attracts us to each other and we don't naturally have to agree with them, just accept them for what they are an intricate part of each of us.

 

CassieQ.....I want to give you a pit full of hugs.. then I will leave and fill it with hot sexy people just for you:P

 

Bumblebee... I think that saying a prayer means different things to different people.. some take it from the religious aspect, some from the spiritual ,and to some its a metaphysicial one. You mentioned why dont we tell the person, and in an about way I like to think we are by, Like Yettie stated, by channeling our positive thoughts, feelings, and energies to the person.

 

I hope you all have a great day..... hugs to all...

[harcallard]

Thank you so much ComicFan for your words of encouragement to me.. I did indeed have a great birthday.. I hope that your doing well.. take care,, hugsand love...

[CassieQ]

Along with the topic of prayer, sometimes it is as much for the person praying as it is the person that is being prayed for. If someone I love is millions of miles away, or if there is some reason that I cannot see them, it can be very frustrating and makes me feel helpless. Prayer, or putting forth positive energy, is a way of overcoming those obstacles. I don't have the sources, but I do seem to remember reading some research that suggested that patients who had people praying for them tended to have a faster recovery with less complications. If it gives you comfort, then do it, if not, then don't. It does no harm and each person has their different ways.

[Mark92]

Hi folks

 

Well I'm back in the pit again and right now I dont want to climb out. Please, Please I dont want sympathy, I really dont. This is my attempt to get it out of my head before it explodes. I am a good guy, I know I am, and its the one thing I cling to. That I do my very, very best to help and be there when I can.

I'm as thick as fucking pig shit education wise. I dont pretend I'm anything else. I know farming, and a moderate amount of English. The rest is pure self taught. I was alone most of my life and reference books were my passion, I was forced to read the bible three times. why not bits of everything else too?. I really am wondering why the fuck I bother, why do I care? Well I do know its because I really do give a shit about all of you.

Oh and I'm crying my heart out, and I dont care if that makes me less of a man, so yarboo sucks to those that thinks it does.

 

Almosat forgot to say hugs all

[CassieQ]

Hi folks

 

Well I'm back in the pit again and right now I dont want to climb out. Please, Please I dont want sympathy, I really dont. This is my attempt to get it out of my head before it explodes. I am a good guy, I know I am, and its the one thing I cling to. That I do my very, very best to help and be there when I can.

I'm as thick as fucking pig shit education wise. I dont pretend I'm anything else. I know farming, and a moderate amount of English. The rest is pure self taught. I was alone most of my life and reference books were my passion, I was forced to read the bible three times. why not bits of everything else too?. I really am wondering why the fuck I bother, why do I care? Well I do know its because I really do give a shit about all of you.

Oh and I'm crying my heart out, and I dont care if that makes me less of a man, so yarboo sucks to those that thinks it does.

 

Almosat forgot to say hugs all

 

Mind if I climb down there and join you?

[comicfan]

Sorry trying damn hard not to slide there with all going on in my life. So going to drag both your asses out of it. Cry if you need to, scream too if it helps, but so help me God you wallow in it and my size 9 1/2 feet are going to make some interesting marks on both your tushes. Got it! Mark and Cassie you are both too good to lie down and let life run you over.

 

Mark crying is nothing more than letting the emotions out. Nothing unmanly about it. Hell if you didn't cry we would worry about you.

 

Cassie, I'm sorry you have been dealing with so much. Trust me, I get it.

 

I get worried about anyone who slides down, but worse when they seem to wallow. A slide is fine, but wallowing isn't. Hang in there both of you.

[Mikelaing74]

Hi folks

 

Well I'm back in the pit again and right now I dont want to climb out. Please, Please I dont want sympathy, I really dont. This is my attempt to get it out of my head before it explodes. I am a good guy, I know I am, and its the one thing I cling to. That I do my very, very best to help and be there when I can.

I'm as thick as fucking pig shit education wise. I dont pretend I'm anything else. I know farming, and a moderate amount of English. The rest is pure self taught. I was alone most of my life and reference books were my passion, I was forced to read the bible three times. why not bits of everything else too?. I really am wondering why the fuck I bother, why do I care? Well I do know its because I really do give a shit about all of you.

Oh and I'm crying my heart out, and I dont care if that makes me less of a man, so yarboo sucks to those that thinks it does.

 

Almosat forgot to say hugs all

 

Marky who cares if your thick ?

 

My dad left school at 16 without a qualification to his name, yet I'm sitting here with a doctorate in mathematics. My dad is still one of the cleverest guys I know. I can do numbers, but give my dad some power tools and some lumps of wood and he can build anything.

 

If there is one thing I know, school gives you and education. But you don't start learning things till you're out in the big bad world. From what I know Marky, you've been in the big bad world nearly as long as I have. I can't grow anything including plastic plants without killing them so you're one up on me.

 

Keep you're chin up, we're all here for you Marky.

[Mark92]

Hey folks

 

Cassie I'm not letting you down here because I'm starting my climb back up. And you will be in my way So sit on my shoulders and I'll drag us both up. No way am I letting Unc give me a kick in the jacksie so get back up girl

 

Thank you Unc and Mike Its such a good feeling to have back up. And much appreciated too.

 

Hugs all round

[harcallard]

Mark: well I agree with ComicFan.. its okay to be down, but we have to pull our selves up.. Cry if you have to and no, it doesn't make you any less of a man. Heck, I have done my share of crying. We all get down mate...but we cant let ourselves stay down to long:) (2) To me, it is whats in a person's heart that defines them.. not what comes from a book. You have a kind, loving and caring spirit about you Mark. Don't you ever lose that aspect. We are all here for ya. If I could be there I would give you the biggest hug you ever had, but this will have to do.

 

Cassie: Hey you cant get in there with MARk.. if you do there wont be any room for all the sexy people:) I know and realize its hard to talk about things, but we are here for you:) keep your chin up. People cant see how beautiful you really are if your walking around with your head down.

 

I hope everyone has a great day. If it cant be great then at least try and have a good day. Hugs and Love to all.

[joann414]

So glad you have found the strengh to climb out, and bring Cassie with you. You are struggling for both of u, and that is quite a feat Mark, tho from what I have read from you, not a surprise. HOpe both of your worlds get much better. Hugs to all, Mark, Cassie, Harcallard, Wayne, and Yettie. Life and loss go hand in hand so as hard as it is we have to deal, whether it be praying or reaching out.