Depression

[harcallard]

Hi Zolia Lily and everyone:) hugs

[comicfan]

Wishing you all the best Lily.

[Mark92]

Hey Lily, Yay does that mean I might get an email again?

I forgot who's turn it is LOL Have a great New Year girl you deserve it 

 

Hugs all round

[Guest Alex Ikke Tuppel]

Depression is a serious condition and science progressess in learning how to fight with it. There are two major components the medical and counseling. It is obvious that with neurotransmitter imbalance it is difficult to bring things together in mind but without therapy the long lasting results cannot be achieved. The most important thing is that both approaches are important on the road to mental health. It is crucial that with the first symptoms professional help should be thought. The irresponsible words like it is the fault of the one who is in depression are actually sometimes the doorway to suicides.

[layla]

I think the problem is that too many people seem to think that depression is easily undone. They think it is the fault of the depressed person if they can't just get up and find something to do that will make them "happy" and i really hate that term when applied to depression or lack of depression because I don't really think that happy is the opposite of depressed and yet so many seem to want to throw that out there. I wish I knew why people saw the need to attach "blame" to things like this, I guess it's just a way of trying to understand something that is hard to understand, but yes, it can be very hurtful, as you said.

[Mark92]

Hey All

 

Hi Alex welcome to the thread

 

It took me a long time to admit I needed help, after a failed attempt with a shrink, I finally decided to have another go, and it's good. Just baby steps is all i'm doing, but I don't want meds not  yet anyway. Maybe not ever, but we'll see what advice I'm given. I will go along with it

 

But, as always it's each to their own.

 

Thank you Layla, wisw words as always

 

Hugs all

Edited January 5, 2013 by Mark92

[harcallard]

HI Alex and welcome to the thread!!!

[joann414]

Never thought I would say it, but glad the holidays are over and real life can take over. Lot of sadness through the holidays, but I made it through with a few tears and a lot of prayers and strength.

 

Hopefully, 2013 will bring us all much happiness and more contentment. hugs and well wishes to all of you.

[layla]

Hugs and well wishes to you too Joann

[harcallard]

Hi Layla...Hugs Joann....I agree! 2013 will be better.. I have let go of several people and those who I considered my friends on and off line...I have been spending time to get myself together and I am learning to love myself again..and as the line in a Whitney Houston song goes..."Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

 

I am not trying to be rude, it is how I am feeling and a person should never have to apologize for the way they feel. 

 

I hope everyone has a great weekend to all.

 

Hugs and love

 

Harc

[ashessnow]

Hi everyone. Hope you're doing well. I, for the record, am not.

 

I really can't say what it is exactly, but I'm getting closer and closer to telling someone about how serious things have gotten for me. Hospitalization is looking like a reality. If I could just drop everything and take care of myself the way I need to, the way I should, then I would. But work and school and other...stuff keeps me from doing it. That, plus the very serious cost it would take. I can't even deal with that right now. Well that's a half-truth. I think the stigma of actually having to be hospitalized keeps me from doing it. People knowing. I'm a pretty private person and so for everyone to know about me in that way, knowing how severely depressed I am and...I don't even know. Peopole knowing the truth of the whole situation bothers me.

 

Staying sober is becoming more and more of a challenge. I am still (sober I mean) so...yay, I suppose.

 

A day at a time?

 

A nice phrase I think.

 

Sorry for the rambling. Its been a bad few...I don't even know what.

[harcallard]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers asshes.

Edited January 13, 2013 by harcallard

[layla]

One day at a time, that's all you can do ashessnow. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

[Yettie One]

Well

It's been a pretty hellish week really.

We've recently had a cold snap, which has really affected mom recently. For a long time now she has been struggling with pain caused by arthritis and a shoulder replacement joint where the muscle has withered and the joint has reduced movement causing a constant throb for her right down her left arm.

Add to that the swings that weather changes has on her peripheral nueropathy and then of course factor in the Alzheimers, and she's in a pretty bad way right now.

Her doctors have tried to put her on a stronger pain killer and increase her pain management regime, but this in itself has caused all manner of complications. From one drug to the next, from dizziness and fainting spells to hallucinations and vomiting, its all been going on. We finally seem to have found one that she seems ok on, other than she struggled to sleep at night, and is convinced I am her dad at times, but the doctor has warned that we are fast running out of option in terms of pain killers.

Eating is a mission, and I've got to carefully watch to make sure she is eating right. She's lost weight like a joke, and at her time of life, this scares the hell out of me.

But more than anything, is the fact that since well before christmas even, mom has looked so haggard, worn out and old.

She's slow on her feet, gets lost in the house, struggles with stuff she'd normally have no issues doing.

It is like watching a woman I've always known to be strong and able to wager through anything unwind and slowly fade. It kills man. I can't really express it well enough in words.

She said something to me the other night that cut through me like a knife. She asked me why I don't chatter so much anymore.

I couldn't answer her.

Thing is it shocked the hell out of me that she'd even noticed, but then again it is not so hard to notice someone withdrawing into them self right? There are two reasons I don't chatter any more. 1. It is so damn hard to have a conversation with mom these days. and that is no fault of her own bless her. Communication is now a careful art of guess work and assumption and hope that I get it right, coz she really struggles to get stuff out now. The other reason? 2. Simple really. I don't have the courage to face her. When I watch her struggling and fussing over her frustration at her inability to get things out, I just want to cry. Fact is I damn well do cry, and it is for this reason I hide myself away. 

I don't want her to know how friken hard this is for me. It is hard enough for her.

I am really struggling at the moment. In so many ways I feel that part of me is dying here. I am shutting down in so many ways and I don't know what the hell to do.

Talking is getting harder and harder. But then to be really honest I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone about it all anyway. It is easier to just keep quiet and get on with it. One day I'll have time to sort it all out and try make sense of it all, but right now, every day and often much of the night is filled with new and different challenges. 

I get a sense that this is coming into the end game now, and it scares the living hell out of me.

Days like these are not easy. Life is no picnic.

 

Hope you guys are all going ok, and don't mind me venting,

Yettie out.

x

[joann414]

Talk Rob!  Get your feelings out, and primarily to your mom.  Let her know that she is still first and foremost in your life and share your feelings with her.  She may not understand completely, but you never know how much she is fully comprehending.

 

As for shutting down.  That is what we are here for.  You have friends here to listen and help.  Don't shut down because you are not alone. All of your friends here love you and support you. Not only that, walk outside and scream at the sky.  Don't shut down! 

 

hugs, and I am here as many others are.

 

Love you big guy

[joann414]

Ashes, we are all here.  pm me if need be.  Hugs and strength

[layla]

Watching a parent go downhill is one of the hardest things there is. Don't hold it all in and shut down, talk, rant, yell, scream, even if it's in the silence of the woods or outside in a storm, just let it all out. Come here and rant and rave all you need to, we're here to listen.

[comicfan]

Ashes- feel free to talk. That is what this thread is for.

 

Yettie - There are a few of is who have become the caretaker to parent. We just have to remember to take care of ourselves as well.

[harcallard]

I hope everyone is doing okay? As for me I have been better..My personal life has been very rocky lately and it is no longer there:( So I have been crying non stop for days. I need to get back to me, but I am so down right now..I just think I need to go to sleep and maybe tomorrow will be different...asshes and Yettie.. we are here for ya'll

 

hugs and love to everyone,

 

Harc

[Mark92]

Hey Guys

 

I miss you all so, so much.

Ashes, please talk to us here, writing it down can be so much easier than saying it out loud. That is why you first started this thread and now we are our own little group, who all share the same moods and emotions. We are all here to listen and share.

 

Roberto, My man, what can I say? So many hugs to you, so glad you came here to vent and please, please keep venting, we may not be able to help much, but we can listen, send you hugs and support. You have my email and Skype if you want to talk just say. I really feel for you buddy, we all do. Hugs and any support I or we can offer is here

 

Hugs all round

[harcallard]

Yettie...

 

I know your going through a hard time right now. I can associate with you on this.. my mom was sick for a very long time...If you need to unload I am here for you or anyone of us are here! 

 

Hugs and Love

 

harc

[harcallard]

I am still in a slump and it seems that I cant get out of it no matter how hard I try... I feel like shutting down.. emotionally that is..... If truth be told .. right now I am angry as hell....but like always it will pass...

 

Hope everyone is doing great or as best as possible.

 

Hugs and love

 

Harc

Edited January 16, 2013 by harcallard

[Mark92]

Hi Tim

Why not give us a rant about why you're angry? It might help you sort through it. I'm always getting on my soap box about something, either to Baz or Stuby, and it helps my mind to clear. Try it

 

Hugs all round

[comicfan]

Hi all,

 

Sorry haven't been around much. Cold pretty much put me out of commission. Tim if you need to talk this is the place. Rob all I can say is hang in there and if you need to talk we are here.

 

Wayne

[Bumblebee]

I really don't like that I'm putting my feelings out there but I'm going to blame my insomnia for this post.

 

I feel so stupid that I'm still grieving over Karl, it's been over a month but I still feel like maybe he will wake up and everything will be ok then, but its never going to happen, hell he's cremated so he won't even take part in a zombie apocalypse. We talked almost everyday but we never met so to me it feels like I shouldn't still be feeling this way, that I should have moved on by now. He was my only friend, and I hate him so much for going and dying on me the bastard. I don't think I've cried so much in my life, and everywhere that I've read says that crying is meant to help for some reason, but all it does it make me feel worse about myself, and makes me want to go back to some old habits.

 

For me, my depression has always come and gone, lasts a couple of months and then I'm somewhat ok for a month or so and then it comes back again. I've never felt it like this before, this constant numbness, and I don't understand what I'm feeling or how to explain it. I think my mum is getting a bit fed up with me (I'm nosey and overheard a phone call), but I don't really care, it's harder to be around people now since I can't seem to find my 'shut the hell up you idiot before you f things up worse' switch. I'm tired all the time and that makes it harder for me to keep what I'm thinking in check, so I tend to insult people without realising, and that doesn't translate into 'maybe we should talk about what's actually bothering you' but I do quite like making people upset so it kinda works. But I'm so lonely that it hurts, knowing that I can't talk about all this to a friend, instead I'm posting it here.

Edited January 18, 2013 by Bumblebee