to my dearest friend

[raydeayon1]

my dear friend, i know your life was going down hill and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You tired and tired again but nothing seemed to work. Your parents did not show you love from when i first met you long ago your parents weren't parents at all. Always out and not caring about you. The drugs and alcohol seem to be your parents for all the wrong reasons. Your friends and i love you and always will especially me. I always cared for you i remember when we were kids and we would spend the night out in the tent in my back yard, we biked together and even talked about girls lol even though i didn't like it I just did it to make you happy. You were the first person i came out to you were like a brother to me. No you are my brother. When i got that phone call that you took your life my life stop as well i cried and cried and cried some more. I even talk to people that i don't even know that well and they showed me that i have to be strong for you. My life has been so different without you i will miss you Cody you are and always will be my best friend i hope now you can find peace wherever you are i will see you soon but not to soon, you will just have to find something else to do before i get there when im old and dusty i love you Cody.

 

Thank you all for letting me write this for some of you that don't know ,my friend took his life early this week i just had to write this out and get it out of me thanks again guys for helping me. Cele, nirto, mann, aj, john, curti and the other i cant think about right now i love you guys so much and i don't even know you people but you feel like my friends

[SilverNitro]

This brought tears to my eyes.

 

At least he now know for sure that he is loved, no matter how bad it may seem, no matter how final it may be. He is at peace now, and sharing your memories of him is what will keep his spirit going on.

 

I'd like to share this: after reading this paragraph, I realized, my best friends have been there for me at some point in my life, and I love them as a brother too. This paragraph has inspired me to go and let them know my appreciation for them. Thank you for this realization. I know this is a tough time, but at least I can say this: The worst is over, and it can only get better over time. Keep Cody's spirits strong. He is definitely in my memories too as well.

 

Thank you for sharing this.

[raydeayon1]

Im grateful for eveything you have done for me and yes things will get better

[LJH]

Ah man. Ray I had no idea. Wow. What a blow. You just stay strong bro and its okay to cry. Suicide is an awful thing. It took me a long time to get over the death of my man. Wrote a lot of poetry. Soul searched. As time went by, i learned many lessons. Rodney gassed himself in our trailer and it shook my world. Guilt, denial, hate etc. it comes and goes in spurts. I would wake up at night wailing and smelling his deoderant on the pillows. I left everything of his untouched for many years. My friends say five years, i think it was less than five. No one understood me then. I was cranky and emotionless. Words did not heal me. Time healed me. Everything came right. One night i met Louis 2 and someone, one of my friends, told him what happened. We have been together now for 19 years. What im trying to say is that no matter the loss, life goes on.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and respect Ray.

[Yettie One]

Wow

Man suicide is such a horrible reality. No chance to say goodbye, not chance to fix the pain, sorrow and hurt you might have missed, or not fully understood or appreciated. It is the overwhelming sense of guilt that is so hard to get over. The unanswered questions that you so wish you had an answer for. All these things rattle around in your brain.

I know they did for me. I saw a friend do it to himself when we were in our teens. To this day I don't know why, not sure any of us really do. 

Louis is right, it is time that helps to mend the wounds and heal our wounded hearts, but your strength and love keep his cherished memory alive, and wrap his soul in happiness and love.

I never really understood or appreciated it all as a younger man. But now I am a little older, I know that my friend as yours is free to fly up there with eagles and can never be bound by hurt nor pain. He is in a better place, waiting for the day he can run up and give you a big hug and show you around your new digs.

Be strong my friend, Cody would want you to be strong, understand and be happy. It is sad, hard to do, and painful to you, but for him he only ever wants what is best for you, so take heart, share and grow. Let his love for you as a friend bond you to his memory forever.

 

Yettie hugs 

xxx

[Former Member]

I shouldn't have read this, damit!

 

I was kinda thinking of doing something myself, but i read this! Now I'm really thinking baout if there is someone out their that cares - i mean really cares. You really cared about Cody.

 

Wow! I am really sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say.

 

Ryan

[Xtro]

Life is a real fickle bitch.  One way to defeat the sadness is to remember all the good times, all the happiness, all the being together.  Celebrate the life you had together, rather than dwell on the loss of what might have been.  You had good times, and you had one hell of a great friend.  Remember him smiling, remember him laughing, remember him as the kind and loving person he was to you - and you to him.  Cry the pain out of your system, because you will never forget the good times - tears will never wash those memories away.

 

Love & Hugz whenever & wherever you need them

 

John C