Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Remijay

Twist Of Fate

Recommended Posts

[sharedmedia=stories:stories:5475]

Hiya Guys/Gals, how is everyone doing. i wanted to start a discussion forum about my story and see what happens. Sometimes reviewing a story can be difficult. Meaning, once you post it, you can't edit or delete it. Especially if the Author comments. There's only so much that could be done. 

 

Twist of Fate. 

 

Aiden and Jason have a past, one that many like yourself probably dealt with. Because of that relationship Aiden has some problems adjusting to normal teenage life. He doesn't trust other guys, because of Jason. He doesn't have alot of friends because of Jason. He loves football and is good at it. His father wants him to be the best. But he just doesn't know if football is his calling or not. I can't give away everything... So please feel free to contact me here or on the review. There is another way to get in contact with me, email me @ starz0507@gmail.com

 

Main Character - Aiden

Sub Main Character - Jason James

Best Friend - Courtney

Only guy friend - Riley

Two other friends - Jada, and Sasha

 

Family 

Mother - Casandra 

Father - Maxwell

Sister - Samantha

Brother - Kevin

 

IF you guys/gals ever want pictures of my characters please ask. OR they probably won't ever be posted unless i feel like doing so. Anyway, like any teenage romance story. It's about love, hate, coming of age, sex, friends, school, sports, etc. 

Edited by Remijay
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I saw your link, read the five chapters, liked it and even posted a review/comments :)

 

Feedback... that's what you want, so in brief, to kick things off... here we go:

 

The comments on the first chapter were, I thought, a bit harsh. The same old, same old, personally, I didn't think that, but then maybe I don't get out enough - I mean read enough!

 

I think you are a rough diamond and like the little jem that I think you are, you... no not you exactly, your story... could do with some polishing. But... I wouldn't want it polished too much, don't want to loose the beautiful rough edges that, for me anyway, are your STYLE... yes!... and it's a good style, a unique style.

 

Now it's easy to see you're a writter, in case maybe you had any doubts, you wrote (chapter 4):

 

"The shower felt great, I washed all the misery and guilt I had down the drain."

 

Now that is a great description, worthy of a writer.

 

Only thing you need to do... find the time to finish the book.

 

William :)

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks :) i would have to agree some comments/reviews are harsh. But it's constructive criticism, I think. It can either make me or break me.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I have been writing for almost 6 years and I have improved so much in that time that I am shocked at what I can put into words.

Share this post


Link to post

I actually really like this story.  I find it to be a somewhat different twist that doesn't seem at all to fall into a predictable story line.  I'm definitely a fan!

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks. I'm glad to have a fan...

Share this post


Link to post

I have now read through Ch.5 and find the story growing on me -- no, not like a fungus!! I was a little put off on reading the first chapters -- 'more of the same old teen-aged anti-gay shit, but Jason's apparent change of heart is intriguing, so I decided to stick with it for a while.

Some of the grammatical errors are a little off-putting to an old engineering report writer such as am I, but those are NOT the responsibility of the author to correct. The author's responsibility is to be creative. The responsibility to find and correct grammatical errors are up to an editor.

Will

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..