Comicality Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 So, we briefly touched on this the last time I was in the Chatterbox Chatroom, and some of you guys had stuff to say about it and wanted to share your personal experience. So let's do it. I'm sure that many of us can relate. Do you consider yourself a shy person when it comes to connecting to other people? For some, talking to strangers or even to friends and loved ones can come off as being a terrifying experience. Or at least scary enough that you'd want to avoid that kind of contact at all costs. Does this describe you? And can you explain why? Now, I'm not talking about being 'introverted'. That's different. I can understand someone that just likes their private space and isn't really interested in being surrounded by people all the time. That's fine. But there are people that I talk to all the time that tell me they're shy but it makes them absolutely <I>miserable</I>. They can't talk in public, they feel disconnected from their friends, they're afraid to go to the chatroom, they're afraid to post on the forums (even <I>anonymously</I>)...they actually WANT to take a step forward...but won't. Why? What is it that we're so afraid of? Tell us your story if you're feeling up to it. I spent a lot of my life being painfully shy myself, and I'm still plagued by it from time to time. But I'm a LOT better than I was, believe me. Shyness can be a serious problem for some people. There's nothing to be ashamed of when talking about it, and there's no real 'cure' for it other than self confidence and practice. So give us your 'shy guy' tales! And if you're one of the shy people who have never posted here before...now would be a great time to make an introduction. 2
MrM Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 They fear that the inner voice inside is right. That: I am unattractive I am undesirable I am unloveable I am worthless I should be dead Each rejection supports these points and makes them sharper. The pain of any rejection aplifies the pain of these points to unbearable levels. Usually, for very shy people, their sensitive natures play against them in this hard world and others smell weakness so they inject these points into them like lasting venom. Done early enough, the damage becomes permanent. It's too bad, really. The shy person is just the sort of person most of us are looking for: the one who feels the deepest and loves the deepest. The one where sex becomes a feast of rare delights. The one who is the cure for the lonliness we all have. The loyal one. The beloved one. The one who knows pain and wishes only to take it away from someone they love. Go to the library sometime. Find him. He's sitting there toward the back, there a bashful beauty hiding from those that hate him because of his sweetness. Or the one against the wall afraid the others will 'know' the secret mantra of the Five Deadly Points in his head and expose them for all to ridicule, because the Wolves have done it before. The one who is Gay and can't be because he is told that is evil which means that he was BORN evil. Thus he bears the added point: I am damned To the list. ~~~~ Loneliness and isolation are the fruits of shyness and eventually that shyness just turns into bitterness and what was once beautiful shrivels and dies. It becomes a black pit where once a heart was. Just because someone 'not' shy never bothered to say 'Hi!' 1
Solus Magus Posted October 13, 2017 Posted October 13, 2017 (edited) To begin with, I used to be a shy and insecure person. This is because I grew up with an abusive mother and an absentee father. My mother would endlessly compare me to other kids which created an inferiority complex when I was a child. No matter how good I am, I will never be enough in her eyes. Even if I was bringing medals at home, she always have something negative to say. The approval and affirmation as a human being I should have received when I was a child was never given. Thus, I was a mix of opposites. I feel like everyone is better than me. But as I grew up, I learned to be competitive that's why I had the knack of being arrogant and bragging. Something clicked inside of me and I would crave for the approval for other people. To make things worse, I was exposed to early sex play when I was 8. A group of older guys molested and used me for their sexual pleasures. I was passed around like a ragdoll, thinking it was something normal things that guys would do. But when I grew up, I was wrong. Because it left me damaged in receiving love. To me back then, love is only received if you have something done for them. In reality, love should be selfless and doesn't demand anything in return. It should be freely given. Furthermore, my best friend was killed in front of me. The trauma left so much up until this day. In the end, my idea of love was twisted. That twisted mindset will show up every now and then. It allowed me to be a highly competitive individual that puts excellence into a different level. I became strict and disciplined with myself. To the point that I have high expectations of others as well. The perfectionist inside of me will always scream for every unnoticed mistake that I make. And it didn't give me the freedom to be a normal human person with a dose of weaknesses. This is why my stories are always themed with human weaknesses. Because we shouldn't reject those. But rather, we embrace our weakness because if we start being pretentious and display a perfect life, but a rotting one inside, it would be all useless. Change should always start from the inside. Real power begins at the confession and acceptance of our weaknesses. That's why I create scenarios that force my characters to accept their downsides. Reality doesn't always allow us to do such. Right now, some people confuse me as extroverted because I easily create friends wherever I go. I have accepted my ups and downs. It allowed me to live honestly without batting an eye in regards to the opinions of others. Thankfully, God sent me to a safe community in church wherein I was protected and nourished with love. I turned from shy and insecure into someone who is transparent to people. Perhaps I shared too much. I almost stood naked in this post. And if I did, someone would have loved to slap one of my butt cheeks. Although that would always be welcomed. Spoiler In case you were wondering why I was "chosen" for such acts, here is a fetus pic of me. I think that incident happened a few months after this pic was taken. Edited October 16, 2017 by Solus Magus 1 1
MrM Posted October 13, 2017 Posted October 13, 2017 2 hours ago, Solus Magus said: To begin with, I used to be a shy and insecure person. This is because I grew up with an abusive mother and an absentee father. My mother would endlessly compare me to other kids which created an inferiority complex when I was a child. No matter how good I am, I will never be enough in her eyes. Even if I was bringing medals at home, she always have something negative to say. The approval and affirmation as a human being I should have received when I was a child was never given. Thus, I was a mix of opposites. I feel like everyone is better than me. But as I grew up, I learned to be competitive that's why I had the knack of being arrogant and bragging. Something clicked inside of me and I would crave for the approval for other people. To make things worse, I was exposed to early sex play when I was 8. A group of older guys molested and used me for their sexual pleasures. I was passed around like a ragdoll, thinking it was something normal things that guys would do. But when I grew up, I was wrong. Because it left me damaged in receiving love. To me back then, love is only received if you have something done for them. In reality, love should be selfless and doesn't demand anything in return. It should be freely given. Furthermore, my best friend was killed in front of me. The trauma left so much up until this day. In the end, my idea of love was twisted. That twisted mindset will show up every now and then. It allowed me to be a highly competitive individual that puts excellence into a different level. I became strict and disciplined with myself. To the point that I have high expectations of others as well. The perfectionist inside of me will always scream for every unnoticed mistake that I make. And it didn't give me the freedom to be a normal human person with a dose of weaknesses. This is why my stories are always themed with human weaknesses. Because we should reject those. But rather, we embrace our weakness because if we start being pretentious and display a perfect life, but a rotting one inside, it would be all useless. Change should always start from the inside. Real power begins at the confession and acceptance of our weaknesses. That's why I create scenarios that force my characters to accept their downsides. Reality doesn't always allow us to do such. Right now, some people confuse me as extroverted because I easily create friends wherever I go. I have accepted my ups and downs. It allowed me to live honestly without batting an eye in regards to the opinions of others. Thankfully, God sent me to a safe community in church wherein I was protected and nourished with love. I turned from shy and insecure into someone who is transparent to people. Perhaps I shared too much. I almost stood naked in this post. And if I did, someone would have loved to slap one of my butt cheeks. Although that would always be welcomed. Reveal hidden contents In case you were wondering why I was "chosen" for such acts, here is a fetus pic of me. I think that incident happened a few months after this pic was taken. Comsie is a master at getting us all to strip ourselves naked. This is because on Imagine (his magazine) he can use the experiences we share to show how much alike we are in so many ways. That, really, the secret lives we live are no secret because there are a multitude that experience these same kinds of 'secret' lives. Your journey through to transparency now shows that you have a light of wisdom to show and that you are willing to show it. You let the bad turn to good in you. You are blessed and heroic to do so. Like I said in my sad little response, some let it consume them. You were (and are still I would bet) a beautiful child. You were also entrusted with a sacred duty as an alter boy. Those that did what they did to you: "Better a millstone be tied around their neck and cast into the sea than for them to cause one of these least one's to sin." Though I do not recon what happened to you as some sin you did, but it was certainly a hidious sin done against you. You rose above this and turned it into something good! Shine on! 1 1
Solus Magus Posted October 13, 2017 Posted October 13, 2017 2 minutes ago, MrM said: Comsie is a master at getting us all to strip ourselves naked. Beware of Comsie's shadows. You'll be naked before you realize it. Thank you MrM! 1
Comicality Posted October 17, 2017 Author Posted October 17, 2017 Hehehe, I can HEAR you guys, ya know? 3
Solus Magus Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Given the background that I have, I've always wondered what kind of Extra would I develop if I crossed over to the darkness? Hmm... 1
MrM Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) Given the background that I have, I've always wondered what kind of Extra would I develop if I crossed over to the darkness? Hmm... I imagine mine would be Metamorphosis or Camouflage. I tend to change my spots in whatever environment I am in and always remain 'hidden'. Edited October 19, 2017 by MrM 1
Solus Magus Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 Hmm. Based on my personality, I guess my Extra would be the ability to create, remove and manipulate the memories of others to my own liking. That way, I could manipulate people without them knowing it. Yes, I am a very manipulative person and a very awful control freak like my mother. Beware of me. 1
MrM Posted October 19, 2017 Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Solus Magus said: Hmm. Based on my personality, I guess my Extra would be the ability to create, remove and manipulate the memories of others to my own liking. That way, I could manipulate people without them knowing it. Yes, I am a very manipulative person and a very awful control freak like my mother. Beware of me. Then it sounds like you might have Dracula's extra: Mind Control. When alive he had the need to control and to dominate as Vlad Tepes, a warlord of Walachia. His Extra looks like it manifested as Mind Control! The ability to take control of other people's minds to think what he wants them to think, see what he wants them to see, and . . . depending on the strength of the will of a particular target, make them do what he wants them to do. A prime manipulator! Edited October 19, 2017 by MrM 1
Comicality Posted October 19, 2017 Author Posted October 19, 2017 Yes! I've had problems with shyness in the past, but it's not a lifelong sentence. A lot of it came from issues that I was having at home. I mean, I don't think people understand how hurtful a life of constant criticism and verbal/physical abuse can be. It creates a 'break' in your psyche after a while. And I was so used to feeling like I was hated and stupid and wasn't good enough for anyone to pay me any attention, that I began to say those same awful words to myself, even when no one else was. So, I loved my small circle of friends because we all grew up together. But strangers? New classrooms, or having somebody new at our lunch table, or trying to get an after school job? I would be ready to crumble at the first sign of trouble. And if there wasn't any trouble, I'd convince myself that I was just too stupid to see it, so I'd invent some reason to crumble anyway. It can be such a difficult state of mind to get around, even for the simplest of tasks. See, when I talk about shyness, I don't just mean not being able to talk to people or wanting to be the life of the party. I'm talking about wanting to desperately reach out and be noticed, but you CAN'T...and it makes you miserable! I can't tell you how many people over the years have written me emails to tell me that they want to meet people, they want friends, they want to get along with their family members, they want love...but there's a social anxiety that gets in the way of that. It's a really difficult obstacle to get around. I try not to push too hard, but often end up in an argument because everything I say either gets turned around or shot down and it's like, "ARRGGHHH!!! Who's side are you on??? Aren't YOU the one that's miserable? Help me out here!" But then I remember feeling that way myself and realize that's what shyness DOES! It defends itself. It's like removing a stubborn parasite from the middle of your stomach and it won't go away! You end up arguing to stay miserable instead of getting better, and that's no help at all. It sucks. Believe me, I know. But, like I said, it isn't something that can't be improved upon. It doesn't have to last forever. Two things helped me get past the way that I used to feel all the time. Does that mean I'm never bashful or full of anxiety or self conscious about certain things? No. I'm human. I get nervous like everybody else. But I'm a LOT better about it than I used to be. The first incident that helped me out was actually due to me being horny. Hahaha, of course. Passion can be quite the motivator. I was working in this big place with bars and a kitchen and bowling lanes etc, and it was opening up for the first time downtown Chicago. We were both 19, but he looked like a 15 year old high school. Gorgeous! We had a staff of about 2 or 3 hundred people at the time, and one of my college roommates was also working there with me. I wasn't out to ANYBODY at the time, so I had to be super super careful, especially with friend of mine working right next to me. I was DESPERATE to meet him though! Talk to him. Get a few handshakes and hugs. Get him completely naked! (Did I say that last one out loud?) So I would make eye contact, occasionally say hello whenever he walked by. But...I didn't want it to seem like I was showing him special attention. I mean, he was so CUTE...people would have suspected that something was up whenever I smiled in his direction. So I tried to dilute things by saying hi to everybody whenever I came to work. Nothing else. Just a nod, "Hey", and that was it. That way, when I approached my dream boy with a grin, it didn't seem weird or out of place. Then, something else happened unexpectedly. People started saying hi to me first. Which was scary at first. That anxiety returned with a vengeance, but I didn't want to be rude. So I started talking to them too. Those conversations got a bit longer and longer. The break room became more fun. And once I started talking to them some more, joking around and stuff, I discovered that people weren't half as SCARY as I once thought they were. And I wasn't really embarrassing myself or pissing anyone off. I was just being myself, and that was good enough. After about two or three weeks, there was hardly anybody that didn't know me by name and vice versa. Never actually 'got' my dream boy, but we did become REALLY good friends and started hanging out all the time. Just the two of us at his house. Sighhhh...he's one of the reasons this site exists, in fact! So, trying to find a sneaky way into his heart is what helped me to get a little better with the whole shyness thing. You have to find a way to PROVE to yourself that you'll fare just fine when it comes to being around other people. Nobody can tell you to have courage or that it doesn't matter. You need to find your own proof. And it can be terrifying taking those first few steps, but it's so WORTH it! Trust me! The second thing that helped me out? The Shack! Hehehe, that shouldn't be surprising at all! Talking to you guys has been the greatest experience of my life! Not just reading/writing stuff, but being able to interact with people online and talking about things that I was never able to talk about before. I was 23 when the Shack started, and it was frightening to try to pry my brain open and speak about my true feelings and attractions. I was extremely guarded when I started out. The only way for me to 'speak' was through the stories I was writing. I could still claim to be detached if someone took offense or got mad at me. But it was answering emails, going to the chatroom, posting on the boards...I've learned so much. I honestly believe that social confidence is a muscle, and you have to train it in order for it to get stronger. You can't just sit back and say, "I'm not good at talking to people" and expect it to ever get better. No more than you can expect six pack abs by watching TV shows all day. You have to talk. You have to meet people. You have to joke around and share a piece of yourself while allowing other people to do the same. It works. And rather quickly, I might add. This site has made me who I am today. And naturally, that has spilled over into my real life as well, to the point where online Comsie and offline Comsie are practically identical. It feels so GOOD to be able to speak my mind and express myself without the crippling fear of being rejected for it looming over me all the time. So, if you guys are shy but want to one day go for something more...take those first few scary steps towards being a little more social. Just a LITTLE bit. You'll be surprised how quickly it gets easier for you to engage the people around you and find a few kindred spirits in the process. K? Hang in there. I'm being serious when I say that I've been where you've been. And I'm not saying that it's going to be easy to get better. But if you ever find yourself defending the thing that's making you miserable...you've got to stop. K? Go out there and find something to help you get better. A lot of folks are feeling the same anxiety. They don't bite. Not unless you ask them too. Hehehe, in which case, you've got yourself a buddy for life! 1 2
William King Posted October 20, 2017 Posted October 20, 2017 Shyness, I wonder if shyness and naivety go hand in hand? I grew up shy, it has always taken ages to get to know people, but with some odd exceptions. Some kids just break through your barriers and you get close quickly, but I would always be careful in a group. Then there is being naive, I was brought up never to lie and I thought all kids were the same – they weren't. That caused problems as a child and as an adult, because basically I believed what people said. One day I met a really cute attractive boy who, well wow, he pulled me in like a magnet. Then I discovered he lied, compulsively, about everything, not one word that came out of his mouth was true. A life lesson, he was still cute despite his personality, but it cut things short. How do you overcome shyness, well bit by bit, but also sometimes it's like learning how to swim. You have to jump in the water, sink or swim. That happened to me, I had to give a presentation to some important people – I was a young man now, with a job – sink or swim. I swam, and one day I found the shy me standing up in front of a hundred people giving a presentation. What was funny was that I enjoyed it, I could play with the audience, I could take them wherever I wanted, they followed, they asked questions, I had all the answers, and even when I didn't I still could manage it. The shyness did not disappear in the blink of an eye, but was less, it was non-existent up in front of people lecturing on something I knew inside out, but was still there on a more intimate level. Today it hardly exists at all, in fact I'm almost convinced it's gone forever, but ironically it's taken me a lifetime.
Solus Magus Posted October 20, 2017 Posted October 20, 2017 Awww. @Comicality, I wouldn't really say that you were "shy." You were a person who was craving for a solid affirmation from other people. I know the feeling. The need to be affirmed and accepted is only natural. But when you get criticism and hurt instead, then your mind could get all twisted at times and you would "shy" away from potential things that could hurt you. Being shy and being afraid to get hurt are two different things. That's just my opinion. At least you're okay now. And we still love you nevertheless. Honestly, when I was in denial phase, GFD really taught me to accept myself. Because of that, I highly look up to you Comsie. No joke about that! Anyhow.... I already feel thrilled that you're talking to me. My inner fanboy of GFD is screaming.
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