Imagine Magazine Question #10

[Comicality]

 

Times change! It's inevitable. And technology changes the way we do things in the world, especially when it comes to interacting with one another. But, narrowing the topic down to one specific subject this time around, let's talk about dating in the 'left swipe/right swipe' age! What are your thoughts on that? I understand that some of you are young and haven't really experienced dating before the cell phone era, and that some of you are older and aren't into that kind of dating now, but we'd love to hear what you think about this as well. Has dating become too 'easy' in this day and age? And does easy mean that it's more superficial? Instead of meeting someone pleasing and funny and trustworthy to go out with, has then been reduced to a series of photos, and someone scrolling through them thinking, 'nope, nope, not cute enough, not tall enough, nope, ooh! He's beautiful!'? What happens to the folks who <I>don't</I> have the rock hard abs, or the 9 inch penis, or the wavy blond hair? And can this substitute for getting to know the people you ask out for a date be dangerous? Does it promote overtly sexual behavior? I mean...sure, you might pick somebody and talk to him first to make sure that he's not a serial killer...but what made you pick that person in the first place? Was it his personality and his charm? Or was it just a hot profile pic and a close proximity to where you live?

 

Dating in the digital can be a brand new place for people to be open and honest about who they are and what they want. Or...it can be a virtual glory hole at your local truck stop, inviting relationships that might be fleeting, or even unsafe.

 

So what do you think about the nature of dating online and with digital apps and the like! Give us your feedback for Imagine Magazine below!

[Emi GS]

Now a days you can get anything on your fingertips because of the smartphone culture. Unfortunately, dating became one of them as well. Number of apps and websites are there. Some or on only one purpose, s*x. And some called themselves as dating app/site where goes only one thing, s*x. Not everyone going to get nice partner and have a happy date. Al least I am not that lucky. I don't know it's my fate to go for some websites and join to get a firend/boyfriend. All of them are looking one thing. I did get to talk with somebody, sometimes it would end in a dirty talk. But never turn to a date.

 

At first my opinion about these all digital dating is like a perfect dream. A dream where all the good things happen. But now after all the journey I'd say only one thing. One thing I observed from most of the dating sites/apps. One thing that will ever workout. One thing you will get. To decide. To do. Fuck or fuck off. 

[Comicality]

 

My thoughts...I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, but I'm conflicted, nonetheless...

 

...I only say this because I am certain that it would drive me crazy on a personal level. Even if I was had over heels in love, I don't think I'd ever be able to truly consider myself 'comfortable' with someone that I met that way. So I'm not sure if it's just me being weird, or if there's a flaw in the culture itself.

 

A close friend of mine once started fooling around with a girl that he knew was somebody else's fiancé. Which...I didn't agree with, but she was into it, and they enjoyed sneaking around, so...not my business, right? Well, the wedding never happened, and they decided to become a couple. Less than a year later, he was heartbroken because she was cheating on him. And all I could think was, "Well...yeah. What did you expect?"

 

As Bobby Jinette says in "Billy Chase"...there is ALWAYS somebody more beautiful, more convenient, or in closer proximity, to the person you're willing to promise your heart and soul to. ALWAYS! I can't tell you how many tears I've shed over the years, simply because some cutie was 'available' when I wasn't. So I have a serious bias. How can I trust someone who can just as easily 'right swipe' somebody to find a quick night of intimacy as they did when they first found me? And vice versa.

 

Growing up, there were people who I absolutely despised for everything they were...but DAMN, were they cute!!! I would have jumped on them in a heartbeat! LOL! In the same respect, there were people that I wasn't originally attracted to at all, but after spending time with them and getting to know them better, I felt like "Why am I not chasing HIM around a dating site? My life would be SO much better if we could date and laugh ourselves silly on a daily basis!" But these are lessons that I learned out of necessity. Over time and through trial and error. And I feel better for it. But...would I have learned about inner beauty and compromise and shared interests...if I could just go to a gallery of hot boys and pick the first one that made me horny? If I could meet up with a guy and have sex...no dinner, no drinks, no movie, no build up? What would be the point?

 

I think I understand now why so many people sometimes get frustrated with the stories I write. Why angst and patience is such a sin. I enjoyed the awkward conversation with a cute boy that I just happened to meet on accident. I enjoyed the flirty suggestions, and the warm blushes, and fidgety hands, and the 'is he or isn't he?' guesses about his sexual preferences. That was always a huge part of the thrill of dating to me. If it was just a matter of picking a hot boy and saying, "Let's meet up and fuck. See you at eight!", it would be hot, and it might even turn into something more if the stars align just right...but it wouldn't make for much of a story later on.

"How did you guys meet?"

 

"I clicked on an app, said hello, and his dick look nice, so I went to his house and we traded fluids. The end." I don't know. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. And a chronic masturbator! LOL! So I don't need to bring other people into my obsessive need to get off. I can do that on my own. But...touch my heart? Consider me sold! Just be gentle with me. I've been hurt before.

 

Anyway, I've been writing a story about this, and I'd love to hear more of your ideas on this topic! Loving what I read so far! And I'm not against this kind of dating at all. I'm JEALOUS that I didn't have this kind of interaction when I was a teenager! If you had told a 14 year old Comsie that I could get a boy from my gym class to jack off for me on his cell phone, I would have fainted and never woken up again! If you wanted to see another guys penis, yo had to be brave enough to peek at them in the boy's shower! LOL! But that little bit of challenge and difficulty made it worthwhile. It wasn't so easy.
 
But when has 'easy' ever really built character? You know?

[William King]

It's another interesting topic, one I can't very well comment on, because when I was young we didn't have mobiles and dating Apps. Dating Apps, now there is a euphemism for sex encounters, but there is nothing intrinsically wrong with meeting up for sex, no difference using an App to picking or getting picked up at a disco or club. Don't tell me you went to a club because you like dancing or felt like a drink with friends! Even if that’s true, your eyes looked around at all those guys, sex was in the air.

There is no way to know how or when you might meet the guy for you, and if it will last a night or a lifetime. Personally I have never had sex with someone I didn't love or wouldn't have been ready to start a relationship with. If it never happened, there were reasons why, but those reasons would never be about where or how I met the guy, on an App, in a club, or on the beach.
 

[MrM]

I have something of a jaundiced view of online dating in that it just doesn't work for me at all. It might be because of my preference to meet someone face to face sooner than later after an online meeting. I don't mind chatting with folks that I probably will never get the chance to meet in person any time soon, but someone I might want to form a romantic bond with I really want to meet in person.

 

So many more senses are employed when you can be with someone in person, even just over coffee. A person's personality is 3/4 communicated through body language. A person who's picture or writing ability or video presence is muted by bad technique or technology actually might PREVENT a meeting that might have happened naturarally if two people were together in the flesh.

 

There is also the tragedy of 'distance relationships'. Two people meet online and really get into one another but they happened to be thousands of miles apart with no resources to bridge the distance. It's just heartbreaking!

 

Then there is a new thing that I've been confronted with again and again in recent hears. . . fake profiles! I can no longer trust that what I'm talking to is even human, much less someone that might actually be interested in me. Spam-bots are bits of code that are smart enough to become an account and use cursory interactions to fool you into thinking you are talking to someone real. They often exist to fool a user into giving up personal info to be used nefariously. Catfishers, or people representing themselves as someone else for the purposes to gain a user's trust for nefarious puposes, are also a danger.

 

I've run into a lot of Spam-bots on Grindr and Match.com. Its very demoralizing to know that no real human is interested in you there, but you are encouraged to keep your account in the hopes that 'maybe this time' this person is real only to be disappointed again. I have since stopped using online services because of this. I'm an older gay guy. I realize my limitations in finding someone, but I don't want to keep being reminded of it by systems that lie to me.

 

I acutally use Meetup.com over any other online system. This ingenious social media service's purpose is to get people to meet for real and it posts user created MeetUps in a locality to help real people meet other real people using the leverage of Web Based social media technology to facilitate this. I actually run a gay meetup group and I've made a lot of real live, flesh and blood, gay friends and possible lovers through it. 

[Solus Magus]

The swiping age is like speed dating with use of the latest technology.  

 

Personally, I wouldn't count on it. The chances of seeing your happy ever after will be ultimately slim. But I wouldn't say it's impossible since there are dozens of stories out there that would say otherwise. However, there's the easy come - easy go rule. If you're looking for your prince in shining armor, then you might want to check the people who had been with you from the start. Sure, you can start a new one with a guy in Grindr. But at this time, sex is what they're often looking for. Sadly, the value of sex had diminished over the years. It's something that is special between two people. Now it's like a something on your grocery list that you can easily pick through the dating sties. Call me conservative (and preachy!) but sex unifies the soul of two people. How much of your soul would you lose if you go on to a sex spree. No wonder why people still feel empty even after sex and relationships. Sex is more of giving than receiving. If you're looking for love, then sex isn't really the solution. Even if you use a philosophical/psychological perspective (even on a religious one), it still points out the value behind the act. Sure, psych/medical/science perspective would tell you that it's healthy, but there are still prerequisites in our psych/mental being. We're not just physical beings anyway. We have emotions too.

 

So no, I am not into it. But if it works for you, then yehey. I was curious enough to check it out, but didn't try it.