Should there be only "Gay" places?

[Freerider]

1 hour ago, TalonRider said:

@Freerider:  Now granted that the majority commenting here are Authors, there's nothing that says you can't participate in the poll question.

 

Thanks TalonRider.

My non-participation in the poll is of a practical nature: I don't have a vote button

Edited August 23, 2018 by Freerider

[Williford76]

On 8/21/2018 at 4:22 AM, TetRefine said:

We screwed ourselves by begging straight people to accept us by using the "we're just like you" tag as a tool. Now our once unique identity and culture is being overrun and watered down by those very people we begged to accept us in the first place. 

 

God forbid straight people can't have 100% of the world. 😒

As a black straight female, I don’t think people realize there is a big part of yourself and your culture you have to give up to be able to be seen as “okay” by the majority that make you feel like you do not belong in their world. Equality is a nice fluffy blanket we all want but what are we giving up to be able to have it. Especially, when we never truely get it in the end. 

I love my LGBTQ family members, friends, and people in general but it seems love does not exist for a lot of people and that is the sad part no matter what you identify as. Peace people. 

[Thorn Wilde]

I don't know whether there should be queer spaces that are completely closed for members outside of the community, but I know that I and many of my friends are pretty sick of cishet folks coming to our clubs and events acting like they're in a zoo or something... I attended (and actually played music at) a concept a friend started last year at a small bar in Oslo, where LGBTQ+ folks would meet and there would be a DJ and a panel discussion and some entertainment. A large portion of us were trans or non-binary. Every time we held the event, you could see people walking by outside glancing at the window, doing a double take and then literally staring at us, our rainbow flags, and our unicorns through the window. We started waving at them until they got embarrassed and walked on... Many of my lesbian friends are also very bothered by straight guys hitting on them in queer spaces. Like, this is a gay bar, why are you hitting on the women here? There's like a 99% probability that they don't even like men. And a friend of mine who's trans was actually attacked in the ladies' room of a gay bar, by some guy who wouldn't accept that she was a she. A woman had told him to leave as it was the ladies' room, and he'd pointed to my friend and said, 'Well, he's in here.' When my friend said that she was, in fact, a woman, he tried to strangle her. When she told a bouncer, he basically went, 'Take it outside.' So, like, I don't think these spaces should be closed, but I think trying to discourage cishet folks from invading them is a good idea, especially when they're so clearly not even allies. 

Edited October 3, 2018 by Thorn Wilde

[MrM]

On 8/22/2018 at 7:21 AM, AusGlitterati said:

When I'm not demeaned or harassed because my voice, mannerisms and dress sense are all pretty effeminate and when I'm not in danger of being assaulted or killed for my sexual orientation, then and only then will I agree that LGBT+ friendly/exclusive places aren't necessary. They give me security and confidence that is so easily (and often) taken from me in the straight world. Pretty much the whole world caters to the heteronormative even today, so I don't think for a second that having some safe spaces for the LGBT+ community is a bad thing. 

 

This.

 

Too many guys in ‘straight’ clubs and bars still get violently homophobic if asked out by a gay man. When this kind of behavior is better controlled then we can ‘normalize’ singles bars and clubs so that everyone can participate without fear of a fight or worse. 

 

Amsterdam is a good model for the ‘sexual fluidity’ idea for bars, taverns, and clubs. Homophobic violence isn’t tolerated there and people are generally pretty easy about saying if they are into a homosexual experience or not. Sort of ‘Oh, no thanks, I’m not Gay, but do you want to have a drink?’ That sort of thing.

 

I know this isn’t universal, but this has been my impression of the dating culture in a lot of places in Northwestern Europe, particularly in the urban areas.

 

I live in SoCal, which one might expect to be fairly progressive and in some cases it is, but I find I’m uneasy in straight places still and seldom venture far from my gayborhood. The Trump Effect has had a lot to do with this, unfortunately.

[MrM]

On 10/2/2018 at 2:09 PM, Thorn Wilde said:

I don't know whether there should be queer spaces that are completely closed for members outside of the community, but I know that I and many of my friends are pretty sick of cishet folks coming to our clubs and events acting like they're in a zoo or something... I attended (and actually played music at) a concept a friend started last year at a small bar in Oslo, where LGBTQ+ folks would meet and there would be a DJ and a panel discussion and some entertainment. A large portion of us were trans or non-binary. Every time we held the event, you could see people walking by outside glancing at the window, doing a double take and then literally staring at us, our rainbow flags, and our unicorns through the window. We started waving at them until they got embarrassed and walked on... Many of my lesbian friends are also very bothered by straight guys hitting on them in queer spaces. Like, this is a gay bar, why are you hitting on the women here? There's like a 99% probability that they don't even like men. And a friend of mine who's trans was actually attacked in the ladies' room of a gay bar, by some guy who wouldn't accept that she was a she. A woman had told him to leave as it was the ladies' room, and he'd pointed to my friend and said, 'Well, he's in here.' When my friend said that she was, in fact, a woman, he tried to strangle her. When she told a bouncer, he basically went, 'Take it outside.' So, like, I don't think these spaces should be closed, but I think trying to discourage cishet folks from invading them is a good idea, especially when they're so clearly not even allies. 

 

I’ve also experienced similar things in San Diego and LA.

 

In San Diego, we have one Gay club left, Rich’s. I don’t go there much anymore because the straight girls like to come up and dance there. I don’t mind that. I understand this. They can come and dance with guys that aren’t interested in only getting into their pants and they can ‘cut loose’. Unfortunately, they can cut loose too much and they become loud, rude, and sometimes sexually harrassing to us gay guys. I know that sounds weird, but it has happened upon my observation. There are also the ones that think they can ‘turn’ you back to the ‘straight’ side of the Force. I wish it worked that way for me, but not really. I’m not Bi, which might be what encourages some of the girls to do this as there are plenty of Bi guys at Rich’s too. But, that said, we try to be as gentle and kind about our rejections as possible. It’s really a question of space, really. Rich’s is not a big club and yet any given Saturday night there will be hundreds of girls trying to get in. They displace the gays fromt the only club they can feel really comfortable in. I’d say a solution is to open more Gay/Flex Clubs, but economics in our area make that a risky business. Clubs are closing due to economic and, I suspect, political pressures.

 

I have also experienced the rudness of straight guys in our one lesbian bar (only one?). In the bathroom generally considered the ‘men’s’ room at Gossip Grill there are actually courtesy posters up reminding straight guys NOT to hit on the girls. By and large they aren’t interested and they won’t ‘change’ just because of your (the drunk-ass straight guy’s) specific charms. Very rude and I’ve seen Security ‘escort’ any number of straight assholes out the door for their rude behavior. 

Edited October 4, 2018 by MrM

[Solivagant]

Yes, I do. I personally feel more secure in a place where I know that I won't be judged for who I am naturally attracted to. I know that not all places are like that, but not all people who attend said places are as open-minded. I wish that I could say that there shouldn't be exclusive places for members of our community, but unfortunately there is still plenty of prejudice and bigotry against us.